@hippydoof either reacting negatively or not at all to almost everything inclusive of many foods is soul destroying. For some sleep is the only place of solace even for a few hours. Mate there is no place to hide from this hell sometimes. Benzos blew me apart a few years ago. For sleep I meditate and pray. It puts me out for a few hours and is safe give it a try. I’m sure you already have, but give it another go. Occasionally I’ll have a few lettuce leaves or half a banana or even a jacket potato before bed it sometimes helps. Hang on in there my friend
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Dont do any stupid shit! I’ve been suicidal for half year, i stood in a shirt on my balcony in the late night being close to jump. I never did.
How lucky: i did win back my joy and energy for life, my mental clarity and confidence, despite the fact that im still impotent by 4 pills of fina.
Life continues for all of us in a better way
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Glad u are better man
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Crash hell again. I knew Xmas was a bad idea because of pressures to eat . Ate some carrots and nuts that had soy bean oil I found out after. Immediate muscle twitches and brain fog. 2 days later in full blown hell again. I was hoping the passage of time and being careful would show some mercy on my sensitivities but no. Skin is mush. Mind is mush. I was actually doing a slight bit better. I was exciting about a music video I was editing . Now I feel full empty head no soul. I’ve shaved any progress i made for nothing . I’m such an idiot. I hate my fuckin body and this disease
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It’s an easy mistake to make mate, don’t beat yourself up about it. We spend our lives skating on thin ice so it’s unfair to expect ourselves not to slip up now and again. Thankfully in most cases setbacks from eating dangerous foods usually prove to be only temporary so I have confidence that you’ll return to baseline within a few weeks. Take care of yourself in the meantime and try your best to alleviate any stress.
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Please use the self-report form to post experiences with substances instead of writing posts about it. Thanks.
Update
Although some of my SB related Injuries have improved (my baseline has decreased but I’m not in screaming body dissolving hell) I am finding my mental sides have taken a dramatic nose dive as of the past month and a bit
It started with extreme anhedonia and now all my HPPD and derelaization symptoms are cranked up again but really really fuckin bad. I’m really a mess mentally right now. I have SO MUCH shit I need to do aswell. I can barely function I feel like im on a horrendous acid trip. Head pressure, visual snow 10/10 racing repeating thoughts /music in my head. Confusion and jist so groggy and morbidly depressed like i have no soul when i breath. man this is so awful. I dont even know how I make it through these days.
It’s feeling like this that lead me to take SB so I’m reminding myself here that no matter how bad it is to NOT TOUCH ANYTHING
Wish me luck that this improves cause I am pretty fucking lost right now
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Best of luck brother
Try to rest when you can because stress is obviously not out friend with this
Rest up and time
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I was back in Toronto a few days ago. I was feeling utterly horrendous but agreed to go to a concert. I ate some cooked turkey breast from the grocery store. My stomach immediately started rumbling and 20 min later I had a significant diarrhea like a fire hose. I felt better almost instantly. Like it was pent up badness I had been storing in my guts for a month. I somewhat enjoyed the concert and for the next few days my derelaization and mood was much improved. I’m still better today than I was a month ago but starting to slip back mood wise as I’ve been feeling pretty low the past couple days. Who knows what the fuck is up with this.
Nightmare crash again this time from some shampoo or something had to get my hair cut for a movie my friend is making barber put some shit in my hair and immediate muscle twitching and derelaization
A week later full blown bad again. Feel actually poisoned I was doing bad but not this bad I forgot what the whole body buzz derealization is like. I can’t think my vision is a horrible pixeated mess my dick has shriveled and is like floppy dead with scar tissue in the center . Just hell
I relaxed for a second you can never relax with this
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Hey dude I hope you’re doing OK
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Doing very unwell I’m crashed bad. Can’t seem to get out of bed just insanely derealized and anxious. Weak and brain dead. Praying this passes soon
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This sounds almost exactly what I had about 3 years ago. Yes it is awful
But if this at all eases your mind enough even SOME
I made it out of that time. It was physically and mentally the worst I ever was
I felt ZERO emotion
Was empty completely. Felt NOTHING
It took a few weeks to begin to feel normal
2 months I’d say I was 80%
By summer I’d say I was 90-100%
Try your best to stay away from anything you didn’t prepare food or anything
I know it’s ridiculous but our bodies are changed
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Thanks man I’m hoping I bounce back soon I’m glad you did!
It’s also 2 days no cigarettes for me my lungs and heart have been toast and although my derealization is screaming bad I can already breath better and my heart isn’t pounding out of my chest at the slightest move. It was really bad how much i coildnt get air and was breathing so hard even from.walking 5 feet . If I’m going to be this inactive from.this disease then I certainly shouldn’t be smoking in top of it.
My band did a show last night. I truly do not know how I get through these days and manage to do this stuff. We were terrible i couldn’t remember shit and kept messing up and missing lyrics and was so winded and tired but I still did it (mostly because I took my immovane early) today my brainfog and derealization are mental and I probably won’t be getting out of bed.
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Rest is the best thing
Don’t do any undo stress seriously
I wish I had gone easier on myself
I forced myself back to work and fucked myself all up
That’s a sign of true grit @hippydoof I relate with that state of mind and being so fucked that u can’t function. BUT you got through the show. Thats some testament. One thing I’d smoke the odd cigarette too. Approximately 18 months ago i had 1 and it set off a huge reaction that i thought was going to put me in hospital. . Given the seriousness of your state u should never touch another one. Advice that’s all
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Major reaction to something at dinner at my friend’s. It was my bday and went to my friend’s who was making chicken and I took the chicken plain but he put canola oil and made this weird cucumber salad with spicy vinegar. I ate 2 peices of the spicy cucumber and like 1 .5 peices of chicken. INSTANT leg twitching and anxiety. Then jojnay start to hurt and brain fog. Had to excuse myself to make my self puke. The had horrible smelling diarrhea like acid and couldnt stop pissing the rest of the night as I struggled to get through. Home now and all joints are hurting again. It’s hurts to type. For fuck sake man. Also I had just broke up with my loving partner 2 days ago because of how mentally fucked up I am and my inability to feel emotion or be any sense of support for her. Just a nightmare
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Sorry to read K, even more so about your partner this disease destroys everything. Keep hope (I know I always say it) brighter days will lie ahead.
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Sorry about that horrible episode brother
I’ve had similar experiences you could say
You just gotta only eat exactly what you make and very plain unfortunately
I’ve set myself back because I got a little too cavalier with my food choices and I hate myself for it
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Thank you Laz I am very much struggling right now. I am crashed and I can feel a bigger build up coming it usually takes a few days to fully nail me. I am so heart broken over losing my partner. I love and care about them a lot snd hier well being g so much but I am not in a good place to be a person in a relationship ship with
I am a fool and my heart breaks over this
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