Oneday's PCT to Recovery (Correcting HPTA with Nolvadex and hCG)

Member Stories
#41

Monday, January 12, 2009

Day 17 on PCT, my nocturnal erection was plump and laying on against my leg. Don’t worry ppl, just because it wasn’t erected doesn’t mean that the PCT failed… It just meant that I probably caught the erection at the wrong time. Anyhow, I had a good morning erection when it was stimulated and it expanded to 80%. The most noticeable change was that my balls were extremely firm and it was surrounded by a bloated scrotum. Typically, the scrotal skin hugs against the testes and this time, I had to move the testes towards the outer skin, so I can feel to see if there was any changes. This development only happen within the last two days and it was really apparent today.

As it stands, I have not gotten spontaneous erections, or have a spike in libido. The only things that stimulate an erections is physical contact to the shaft and sometimes to the balls, but porn will always gives me a rise. The more entertaining the scene, the more of an reaction I get.

I suspect that the estrogen build up in my system is making my orgasm dull and my erections weak. I remember when I started to recover within 2-3 months on Big Softie’s stack, that I was getting weak erections (60-75%) and sensation was dull (some would say that it feels numb, but it is just semantics), which almost resembles what I’m feeling now. My erections are much better, but not sensitive enough. I think I read somewhere on meso about this and other users of nolva have experienced the same thing. I’m really not worried about that side effect because it is what I signed for when I decided to do the PCT.

Have a good night and to some, a good morning. oneday.

#42

Hi oneday if you suspect that there is estrogen build up in your system
this can be bad for your libido and erection quality. i see that you are
taking nolva, what is the reason for taking nolva ? is it to tackle the
estrogen problem ?

But nolva does not inhibit the conversion of Testo into estrogen, what
it does is to attach itself to the estrogen receptors, in other words it
is in competition with estrogen hormones. By only doing this there is
actually a build up of estrogen in your body and this can create problems
in the long run.

Perhaps you should try Arimidex as it works by inhibiting the conversion of testosterone into estrogen therefore allowing your body to convert more testo into DHT.

I myself use .25 mg arimidex three times a weeks and notice better
libido and now everyday i have good morning erection but i am still
lack my spontaneus and nocturnal erection which untill today is still
a mystery to me.

#43

Hi kemangd,

nolvadex is like Hoover dam (water dam) that happens at the receptor which prevents estrogen from engaging with the androgen receptor. I’ve been aware prior to starting the protocol, that there is nothing to stopthe conversion of DHT/Testosterone into Estrogen via the aromatase enzyme, so this leads to a build up of E2. I think you misunderstood the reason for my PCT and I have not made it blatantly clear, so I’ll give you and others a breakdown. (please take no offense)

The main goal of PCT is to get more Testosterone, right? Wrong!!!

You listed Arimidex to increase Testosterone, yea, but what will happen if you stop taking Arimidex, then will you not go back to your former self??? Why not, just cut to the chase (American expression for: attack the situation directly) and just take Testosterone Gel, or Testosterone analogue. Since you are artificial introducing testosterone into a very complicated system, it will down-regulate the body, thus reducing the natural testosterone that you are producing. Some will counter this point, b/c if you decrease the Estrogen inside the testes, then you’ll get more production of testosterone. I will counter with this, now you have a lot of testosterone in your body and it will cause your brain to produce less GnRH which leads to less LH. Now you are fucked!!!

Everyone who is reading this right now, to naturally produce testosterone you’ll need to correct Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Testicular Axis (HPTA)

The main purpose of PCT is not to artificially increase testosterone, but it is to get the following corrected:

Purpose:

  1. Get your Testes back to health.
  2. Get your brain to produce MORE LH and FSH to naturally sustain the balls.

Once the testes have been revived(via hCG), it means that you are CAPABLE of producing large amounts of testosterone. Once your brain has been corrected and resensitized to producing GnRH -> LH then it will cause your balls to be able to generate testosterone without having strong down regulating pressure of Estrogen. Estrogen will cause your body to produce less GnRH…I’m being redundant at this point, but you need to understand this, if you Hypothalamus is not strongly affected by Estrogen then IT WILL PRODUCE ENOUGH LH TO SUSTAIN YOUR BALLS. (I’m not yelling just trying to get the point across)

I figure if I can get my body to produce enough LH then I’ll have a healthy and natural testosterone produced b/c my balls is working right now. I read somewhere that after 6 weeks of Nolvadex, that there is a increase of LH by 140% and I already took hCG for my balls, so after the PCT is done, I will have indirectly increased my testosterone production via the HPTA.

My doctor offered to write a script for Testosterone, but I told him, NO, i’m not taking that shit. (I said this in my mind) b/c it will mess up my HPTA. So I’m 18 days on PCT and I’m not looking back at that decision.

In the end, I don’t think that TRT and HRT will ever get your body to NATURALLY generate a healthy level of testosterone for libido and erections. It is illogical to think so!

Please don’t take offense when readings this b/c i’m trying to help you understand. oneday

#44

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

This is my 18th day on PCT, everything is going good and just want to write about staying the course. Whatever program you create for yourself, you should stick with it, unless you get some lab result that shows that your program is affecting then obviously stop and reassess. I get a lot of suggestions every now and then, but if I stray away from my program too much and I will rob myself of the experience. So far, there is no lab results or extreme side effects that justifies a change in PCT. Like I’ve said, I have a plan B if this fails, but I’m going to go through this PCT for 2 months, so if it fails, then i’ll give myself probably 1-2 months of downtime before trying again. Whether I falter or achieve success, I’ll do a thorough review at the end of the process, and see if there is a better method for restoring the HPTA.

Today, I was in a store shopping and saw a girl with a tight ass, and I thought, “WOW, wonder what her face looks like???” I really wanted to see what she looked like because I was interested. For most of us, when we come off of Finasteride, that there is a lack of interest in girls, sex, and relationships. I feel that the interest is coming back, but still waiting for the libido to kick in. Yea sure, libido means sexual desire, but what the hell does that mean to ME??? It means that a fragrance, or a touch from a cute girl, or the sight of a tight ass will cause a cascade of emotions. It starts with a rapid heart beat building to the point that it is literally pounding through your chest, possibly getting a tingle in your stomach (this happens sometimes, but not always), but the most important instrument of all starts to pulsate, your PENIS… The pulsation starts at the kegel muscles and radiates throughout your penis, as it gorges itself with blood from your body, it grows, it throbs, as it throbs it grows, until it rhythmically beats at the same rate as your Heart. I really really miss those moments and hope that they come back. I never realize how precious that was until I lost it… Anyhow, if I get these sensations, then you can consider myself, CURED!

Moving forward to day 19. Take care, oneday

#45

oneday thanks for your reply and no i am not offended with it :slight_smile:

I understand your point clearly and it’s a possible theory and i would
like to wish you all the best with your program.

But i think you misunderstood my reason for taking arimidex, it is not
to promote more testoserone but “to allow my body to convert more
testosterone into DHT” and DHT unlike testosterone can not be converted
into estrogen.

My theory is when we take anti DHT drug or
supplement we create inbalance in our body. our body is producing
more and more testosterone but it cannot be converted by Enzyme alpha
reductase 5 (because it is being block by the drug or supplement) and
therefore the body try to balance this by increasing aromatase enzyme
and convert the testosterone into “estrogen”. Once the estrogen
build up becomes dominant this shuts down HPTA axis and create so many
side effects that most of us here in this forum experience.

For me the only side effect left from this ordeal is gynecomastia (mine
is big) and i am trying to reverse it by taking small doses of Arimidex,
but the main goal here is, if i limit the number of active aromatase
enzyme then hopefully the body will try to reach a balance by changing
the testos into DHT and this is done by increasing the enzyme aplha reductase 5. Also hopefully the increase in DHT would induce the
body to produce more androgen receptors or to make the androgen
receptor more sensitive towards DHT (just my theory).
January is the fourth months since i take arimidex and
generally i am feeling alot better but the gyno has not change (no
reduction in size) oh well i guess it will take more time to get rid of it :slight_smile:.

i hope my explanation above does not bother you, sincerely i hope your programs works and be a sucessfull one

#46

hi kemangd,

people who do the PCT program take Nolvadex specifically for gyno because the body produces more testosterone and estrogen as a result of the increase testicular and hypothalamus activity. Since you understand the HPTA, then I’m not going to rehash what you already know. I think that you should taper off of arimidex and jump into nolva.

You already mentioned that you have tried arimidex for 4 months and gyno has not improved. So I believe that to fix the gyno, you need to affect the receptor and block it. Don’t take my word for it and just go to steroid forums because they deal with this shit all the time. Also, if you take nolva for six weeks then it will increase your LH and FSH which is a good thing because you’ll get more testosterone… don’t forget to taper off. I had good results on the 19th day of pct and i’ll post later. I’m not in the writing mode right now… ttyl. oneday

#47

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Day 19 on PCT and I have discontinued the hcg last Sunday. I noticed that my morning erection started an hour before I woke up and continue for 30 minutes after. It was the strongest morning erection in weeks and it means that my balls are working to produce testosterone. I’m still unhappy about the facial and eye puffiness, so I can’t wait until my face returns to normal. I’ll start to workout harder at the gym because I’m unsatisfied with how my body has been for the last 2 years. I’ll gradually increase the weight and duration of my workouts.

goodnight! oneday

#48

My question
Hey van-man,

after stopping finasteride 2yrs ago, i believe that it shut down my HPTA and in one of your post you’ve stated that you’re helping your friend recover from being on TRT for 2 years. Well, was it successful? What was the total time for recovery? What was your protocol for him? Please help b/c propecia has left me with low libido as well as, poor erections due to low free and total testosterone. I have low normal LH so I think I need to utilize HCG to bring my grape size testes from an atrophied state. I’ve seen many of your post and feel that your knowledge is impeccable and wanted to seek you knowledge about this. Thanks.

http://forum.mesomorphosis.com/mens-health-forum/hcg-shut-down-whats-134248195.html#post514561

.
…
important parts of the body from the dangerous effects of estrogen by denying it access to the cell.
As far as using nolva to recover natural function. A person, who is able to recover, should be prepared to run no less than 6 weeks and a max of 16 weeks. the longer you are suppressed the slower the recovery. When the pituitary hasn’t been shut down for long it will bounce back almost immediately, but when its been slumbering for quite sometime it seems to be slow to restart. (This is based on observations of people I know who’ve been through the restart process) A buddy of mine that is restarting after 2yrs of TRT is only coming back at half the rate I do on PCT. But he is recovering nonetheless.

van-man’s response:

He was able to recover to a low normal range, but was not satisfied. He was spoiled by his years on TRT.

If you want to try it, then you need to begin with HCG. Low dose… 250iu two or three times a week spaced evenly. You will need a large supply of nolvadex and clomid to begin a recovery cycle. Nolva must be run in conjunction with HCG to control estrogen sides. 20mg ED. Run HCG as long as it takes to get the testies up to a normal size. Ideally you would start with three injections per week and then pull back to two and see how the testies respond. There will be some ebb and flow to the size, but you want it to hold together somewhat decent.

From there, you will begin clomid and nolva together. nolva @ 20mg and clomid @150mg. Do this for three weeks and then taper off of the clomid @ 50mg per week. Maintain the nolva @ 20mg throughout. You could run the nolva for three months like this before tapering off. I recommend cutting nolva in half every week until off e.g. 20, 10, 5, off.

Give yourself a month to see how things go. Probably not great, but hopefully not bad. You will most likely have to cycle nolva one month on and one month off for a long time. And possibly even have to keep nolva on hand for a booster indefinitely.

#49

Thursday, January 15 2009

This is the 20th day on PCT and felt that everything is going well. I’m pleased that I have cracked the 1000 views on this PCT thread, which is freakin great. It is good that you guys are following this very closely and it gives me incentive to write to the journal.

My balls seem normal now and don’t expect them to grow anymore. Also, I’ve decided that two weeks of HCG was sufficient at restoring my balls to their normal size and have discontinued the hcg portion of my program. Energy has calm down a bit compared to the first week that I was on PCT. My energy has leveled out in a good way and don’t have too much energy nor do I feel weak during the day. I can stay up late if I wanted to but I don’t recommend it. I mentioned in the past that my erections are better if I get great sleep, so I continue to try to sleep early. I tried to take a nap today, but I was unable to and I always felt like i was conscious the whole time.

I’m almost 3 weeks into the program and I think that nolvadex makes me feel a little depressed. Sure, some who read my journal would say that i’m an emotional guy and they are right, but nolvadex kicks the emotions up a notch. I didn’t noticed it in the first or 2nd week, but now, I definitely feel depressed at times. So whoever decides to use SERM such as nolvadex or clomid, that should expect to feel more emotional and may lead into depression. For me, it is not severe depression, yet I feel down about being in this mess. To correct this, I try to focus on positive things, things that I should be happy about, like, having a job, having the ability to have erections now, and so on…

So why didn’t i post yesterday, well, I was feeling kinda tired and depressed, so i stayed away from the forum. Pretty soon, i’ll be going on a trip and you may not hear from me for 1 week. So, if you don’t hear from me, just know that I’m having fun. :slight_smile:

Friday, January 16 2009

21 days on PCT and I think I can get an erection at anytime. All I need is some porn and I will be able to get it up at 85%. I can get multiple erections in a day no problem now, but I was hoping that it would be extremely strong and they haven’t been. I’ll continue with the program and see how it progresses.

The estrogen is wreaking havoc on my face, I have puffy eye lid and face, and there is nothing I can do about this for now. By the way, i fucked up yesterday and I forgot to take nolvadex last night. I don’t know what was going through my mind, but I was totally out of it and just went to bed after taking vitamin E and melatonin.

Today, I went to the doctor’s office and got blood work done in the morning, so my testosterone levels should be high. I hope!!! I asked for additional test such as Estradiol and Cortisol (had this done b/c of solonjk aka s0b). I should get my lab work in a week or 2, then i’ll post them on the forum.

take care. oneday

#50

Saturday January 17, 2009

This is my 22nd day on PCT, my nocturnal and morning erections are ok and nothing to brag about. Those erections have been very consistent through the pct cycle and almost find it redundant to type about it everyday. I know you fouls out there will start asking if I don’t address it. :wink:

I have a new observation and find that my mental clarity is coming back. I would categorize myself as a contemplator and each day that goes by I get more contemplative. Last week, I had a 3D mental of a device and manipulated it all in mind, which I have not been able to do in a while. After Fin, I had brain fog, loss of mental aptitude, low comprehension, and my problem solving ability was hindered. The brain fog dissipated when I was on the Big Softie’s stack (ZMK, Sustain Alpha, Endo Amp, Toco-8, and Reset A.D), and within the last week, I’ve been more contemplative. It is just an observation. Also, I’m losing less hair per day and tonight when I was washing my hair, I lost 0 follicles vs losing 5-9 hair follicles per night. Just as a note, I have lost or my hair has thinned so much compared to last year. I noticed that the precipitous rise in Testosterone/DHT has caused my hair to thin greatly. It became noticeable starting in January 2008 and has gotten worse each month. So far this month, it has seem that my hair loss has slowed down.

(A prayer to God)
Dear God, I have gotten myself into a big mess when I took propecia. When I considered propecia for hair treatment, I had a strong feeling, that told me it would change my personality, however, I bypassed my gut feeling and took the drug anyways. I’m sorry for not listening! I realized what I’ve lost and have seen and heard what it has done to others. I took the drug for various reasons and in the end, learned that my health is the most important quality that a person can have. Please help me and others restore our well being. Please watch over us and guide us, so that we may find restoration and regain what we have lost. There are just some things that are beyond science as of right now, which is why i pray to you dear God and ask for your assistant. thank you. oneday :slight_smile:

Anyhow, I continue to make gains and look forward every day! Some days like today, I almost felt like the libido wanted to come to the surface as I was listening to a very erotic female conversion but it never made it. It could be a sign of progress in this department. Maybe when I come off the nolvadex, that I’ll see a precipitous rise in libido as seen by this user on clomid:
http://forum.mesomorphosis.com/mens-health-forum/what-good-clomid-restart-134266056.html#post610965

It is time to call it a night and see ya tomorrow folks. oneday

1 Like
#51

Sunday January 18, 2009

This is my 23rd day on pct and things are going well. My nocturnal and morning erections are more consistent than ever. It could be either good sleep or nolvadex, or both, but my erections are pretty good. This morning, I had an erection while walking into the bathroom and after I peed, the erection went down in 5 secs. After weeks on 3 weeks on nolvadex, I’ve noticed that my erections have less feeling and my orgasms are less intense, which is expected.

I’ve researching nolvadex’s affects on the liver and I haven’t found anything where ppl complained about liver issues, but here’s some links that I found interesting:

My entry is short today and I’ll post more tomorrow. If you guys find any good nolvadex link please forward it to me. Take care. oneday

#52

Monday January 19, 2009

24th day on Pct, I had only one awakening last night and woke up once at 6:00am (this is the time that I normally wake for work) I had a very strong morning erection. Erection lasted until 7am and I just stayed in bed for another hour. I think my erections are of decent strength and feel that it can get harder if I was aroused. By now, you guys know the story and nolvadex makes it harder to get aroused, as if there’s a wall between your desire and you.

As my mental clarity improves, it seems to bring out previous experiences and it makes me remember what I use to have. It is ironic, that we complain about how FIN robs us of our mental compacity and once we get it back, then we remember the times when we had that primal sexual desire, or the time we were so healthy and felt so young, that anything was possible. It is one thing that I’ve been thinking about the most and it takes a grip of my daily life. I talked to solonjk (from propeciahelp.com) aka s0b (meso-rx.com) and he help to put things into perspective (Reminds me of the movie Ratatouille and the Restaurant critic ask the mouse to cook him a plate of prospective). Solonjk has a difficult situation where he had FIN sides, but exhausted himself with physically grueling workouts coupled with taking some bad antibiotics for prostatis, that it has left him bed ridden for almost 2 yrs. When I was laying in my bed, I thought, man, God doesn’t give a shit about me b/c there are ppl in the world in dire situations… I’m afraid of losing my hair, losing my erections, being lonely for the rest of my life, how does that compare to a person who is living in the 3rd world, fighting everyday for their survival while being under a dictatorship. Also, this figurative person, may have a crippling injury from stray shrapnel and have to embrace what they have, just to help his/her family. There are always people worse than ME and i have to stop focusing on my self pity… the world is moving along without me instead of me proactively living and contributing in some way. I’ve wallowed long enough and I’m going to take a step forward each day and try to LIVE again.

Fuck, I think I’m feeling shitty b/c of nolvadex, but I can’t give up. I have another 32 days left on this and it is driving me insane. This drug definitely makes you emotional and if you don’t have the fortitude to deal with the emotional toll then don’t start PCT.

Getting back to ME, I gonna forgive myself for taking FIN and there is no time machine to reverse the wrongs I have made, so it is just a matter of changing how I look at myself. If I can’t get erections then I’ll take cialis, if I can’t find someone, then I’ll join eharmony.com or match.com or something, if I don’t have hair, then maybe a toupee will have to do. If you are upset with yourself then forgive yourself and find an alternative solution for your problem. We are not children anymore and mommy is not going to hold your hand. We must find a way to get passed this or be stuck in regret. Your Choice, You Choose! oneday

Tuesday January 20, 2009

25th day on PCT, nocturnal and morning erections are fine. I had progress in my propecia side effects, when I wake up to pee during the night and go back to sleep easily, there was no racing thoughts or perpetual anxiety nor fear, just a sense of calmness that I haven’t felt in a long time. Adding to the progress notes, I haven’t taken hcg for more than a week and my balls have retained their shape, initially it was almost perfectly cylindrical in shape and now it is oval and taking the shape of a slice of a small orange (clementine). Erections are good but not great and erectile strength fluctuate between 70-85%.

Emotionally, I feel like I’m in a mental purgatory and caught by the snare of propecia hell. I’m trying to break out of the negative feelings and went out on a date w/ a girl I’ve known. It definitely lifted my spirits and gave me a chance to interact socially with another individual. I have been in a funk for 2 years and contrast that to my former self which was completely outgoing and always tried to find humor in everything. It will take time to reclaim what I have lost and I have no doubt that I will do it too. First it will start with saying “HI” to strangers and try to start rogue conversations.

Through an email, I laid everything on the table with my doctor and told him about my PCT. He is a nice guy and I have been going to him for almost 15 years. It kinda funny, why this stuff is so private that I’m almost unwilling to share this information with a person who should have my utmost trust. I have told only 3 people of my situation and of course, I told you guys. I have kept everything a secret and feel that I don’t need people’s judgment, but need their support. Usually, my life is open book, but this time I have kept this close to the vest.

I’m almost half way done with PCT and can’t wait till the day it is done, but van-man reminded me that I’m “rolling a heavy ball up hill, you gotta stay after it. You can’t push the ball for a little bit and then assume it’ll keep going up the hill on its own”. He was referring to a one month booster of nolvadex after PCT is done, where I will stop nolvadex for one month then the following month, I’ll take nolvadex again to solidify my gains.

Keep battling ppl and we’ll get there together, oneday

#53

Tell me what doc says.

#54

Wednesday January 21, 2009

26th day on PCT, Erections and ball size is ok!

Right now, nolvadex is making me emotional at times and it blunts my excitement level. Before all of this, my excitement level was sky high, just thinking about taking PCT gave me new hope that I was going to get better. I was extremely happy and it was uncontainable, but now, I think nolvadex has decreased my excitement level about everything. It is hard to explain and I haven’t thought about it much enough to put it into words. Things that I would normally be happy about will only garner a dull hoorah. So I got a phone call from a girl that I’ve been talking to and I think I would usually be ecstatic at an occasion like that, but I didn’t emote like I normally would. I had to fake excitement when i was talking to her and there is a problem with that. I think this chick is a good catch and I don’t want to mess it up. I feel that my timing for PCT was off by 1-2 months and would have been better if I done a little bit sooner.

chat with you fools later, oneday

Thursday January 22, 2009

27th day on PCT, I didn’t get good sleep last night and it translated to a poor morning erection. I wasn’t able to pay attention to my nocturnal erection because my sleep is much deeper these days and when I wake up to toss and turn, it happens so quickly that my consciousness is NOT active. Probably 2 weeks ago, I could tell you a lot about my nocturnal erections because when I would have an awakening, my thoughts automatically would flood my mind (Reminds me of Neo from the Matrix, where he would say, “hit me” and they would download stuff to his mind in a split second), and felt like I was downloaded with my to do list, or girl troubles, and I would always remember to check to see how my erections are. Whatever is going on in my body, my sleep quality is being restored, but it is happening a snails pace. Hey, as long as it is getting better than I’m not complaining. There must be a hormonal component to sleep and I haven’t done much research to verify what I’m saying. I just can tell you from my anecdotal experience that I’m sleeping better as my hormones find homeostasis.

I think I may do 1000 iu of hcg tonight, just to see if has any affect on my emotions, or changes in ball size, but I have a more fundamental problem. My nolvadex from the UK has not been delivered yet, however I have some nolvadex from India. I’m afraid to take my nolvadex from the Indian manufacturer, Dabur Pharma. I’m just concerned that it is contaminated and it may not be of the highest quality. I guess it is because I paid so little for that and it makes me weary to take it. I have about 6 tabs of 20mg nolva from my UK supplier and 100 tabs of Nolvadex from India, I will probably cut my dosage by half to hold me over til my UK shipment arrives.

stay tune, oneday

#55

Sunday February 1, 2009

This is the 34th day of PCT, I’ve been away in the Caribbean and didn’t have any internet to update you guys on my progress. Originally, I brought my computer with me with the intention of keeping a journal, but found it hard because I was always out. When I wasn’t sleeping, I was doing shit, such as, Exploring Key West, Cayman Islands, and Jamaica. Let me tell you, I almost died when I was at the Cayman Islands. We went to do some snorkeling but I didn’t have any gear, but I saw a platform 50-70 yards away from shore and decided that I could swim to it. I swam against the wave, freestyling it 2/3’s of the way and I thought,
“SHIT, I CAN’T MAKE IT,” at this point, there was searing pain in my thighs, shoulders and arms as the waves were overwhelming me. I believed that i was going to die that day and I remembered that I had family waiting back home, and they would be very upset with me if I died. I shot GOD a prayer and calmed my fears as much as I could, and tried to think rationally about how to conserve my energy for the remaining 1/3. I went with the backstroke and with each stroke I remind myself to stay calm. In these situations, Fear is your worst enemy and you can get so nervous that you forget to breath deeply to replenish the oxygen in your blood. It is possible to cramp up in the middle of the ocean and never making it back. Luckily, I mustered all the energy that I had left for the final swim. I was able to make it to the platform and rested for a very long time. After a 20 minute rest, I changed up my swim strategy to be efficient as possible and swam on my back until I made it to shore. In deed, i was very thankful that day.

Well, In my last entry I was taking 10 mg of nolvadex (half a pill) to conserve my pills so it could last until my new shipment arrives. When I get got back from the trip, the package of nolvadex was waiting at the house. It seems that elitefitnesspharma.co.uk/ changed manufacturers and now, this nolva is made by Merck. Two days of 10 mg of nolvadex, I noticed that my balls were very firm and bigger compared to the last two weeks after I stopped hCG. It was good experience and I noticed differences in my mood, erections, and balls on the decreased dosage of nolva. My mood was better, erections were pretty good when I got sleep, but my balls were the most apparent and they were firm as shit. I don’t know if you read articles on meso-rx.com but there are a lot of ppl who notice that their balls get momentarily soft for 1-2 weeks after hcg however, they will return to big hard balls. So I agree with that observations posted by users, but it is rarely documented about what happens after a couple of weeks after hcg. So don’t worry, if they (balls) shrink a little, but they will come right back in a week or so.

I also noticed for the first time in many years, I had a sexual dream and felt the most amazing feeling. I finally felt my penis involuntarily pulsate from the kegal muscles during this lucid dream. It probably pulsated 2-6 times, but it was hard to count b/c I was only 1/4 conscious and as I realized what was happening to me, I became more and more conscious with each pulsating action. I realized that I was about to have a wet dream, but woke up b/c i was too conscious as I analyzed every little reaction that my penis had, as it responded to the dream. I definitely feel that pct for me was the right move and this remarkable improvement is a keystone to my recovery. In past entries, I’ve mentioned that a pulsating penis is my measurement of recovery and I’m halfway through the PCT program. As a side note, I took zmk to reduce the eyelid puffiness that i was experiencing and don’t really know if it contributed to my semi-wet dream. I’m not taking ZMK right now and there were some days (Monday and Wednesday) when I forgot to take nolvadex b/c I was so exhausted from my trip.

I’ll be taking 20 mg nolvadex and writing in the journal regularly from this point on. I’m glad to be alive and happy to resume PCT with the utmost dedication. Talk to you tomorrow. oneday

#56

Monday, February 2, 2009

This is my 35th day on PCT and I didn’t have great morning erections because I didn’t sleep the full 8 hours. I went to bed late and woke up early for work. My balls size has been really good lately and I have to admit, my pecks seems fuller due to exercise and maybe the extra testosterone in my blood stream.

At work, I had spontaneous sexual thoughts as I was checking out all the girls that walked by. I had some spontaneous erections with a 65% erectile strength because my pants were riding up my crouch and it made me excited.

I want to mention that I found a cure for the puff eyelid and drinking decaf coffee took away the puffiness. I knew that coffee serves as a diuretic and it removes the excess water from my face.

I feel tired today so I won’t be typing much. peace out. oneday

#57

Monday, February 9, 2009

After 2 years of being unable to take naps, I was able to take my first nap yesterday (4pm-6pm). I had fried chicken with a health serving of mash potatoes with gravy and it made me feel very drowsy. Even when I was sick (having a cold use to make me very tired), I could not sleep for the life of me and now, with the help of food I was able to sleep during the afternoon. It is a relief that I’m making this much progress during pct. For those who read my journal are aware of my sleep issues and I’m making tremendous progress w/ my sleep. I sleep more deeply every night with only 1-3 awakenings that last for a sec without opening my eyes. I will experience a momentary lap of consciousness then go back to sleep compared to me opening my eyes then having random thoughts fly through my head. Today, after having a very intense meal a deep dish pizza and a steak cheese sub w/ fries made it very hard to stay awake during the afternoon. I felt like I was going to pass the fuck out and tried washing everything down with a Dr Pepper (caffeinated) which didn’t help much. I don’t know if my sleep improved b/c of PCT (restoring the hormones), or get extreme sun from Jamaica (restoring the circadian rhythm), or drinking decaf coffee (medicinal power of coffee). I’ve been drinking DECAF coffee for the last two week since I’ve noticed that it reduces the eyelid puffiness(side effect of nolvadex) and my sleep improved much more during this time too, so I don’t know what improved my sleep quality.

When I got back from my trip, I have not been the same and have been sort of lazy. I not ambitious nor am I overzealous about keeping up with the journal. Another reason for not keeping a daily journal is that I’ve been watching a lot of tv series online and catching up on past seasons that I’ve missed. So I haven’t fully concentrated on keeping you guys up-to-date on my situation, so accept my apologies. Since I write so much, it is all or nothing process, so if I don’t feel like doing it, then I won’t. There were two days last week where I didn’t take any nolva and hated myself for it.

My balls feels great and plump especially when i forgot to take my nolvadex. My emotions have been awesome and I don’t feel overly sad about losing my hair. I’m still a good looking guy and still have hair on my head, so I guess I’m pretty happy. To me, I think that I’m not that depressed b/c my hormones are balancing out. I feel aggressive, happy, and determined which could be a sign that Testosterone coursing through my veins, and feel like my male identity is returing. My erections have gone from 65-85 range to 72-85%. Just a couple of days ago, I had 3 erections within 2.5 hrs and ejaculated each time.

Here are my lab results

1/16/09
Testosterone, total 855.17 (241-827)
Testosterone, free 16.7 (12.4-40.0)
LH 0.8 (low)

12/22/08
Testosterone, total 572.83 (241-827)

11/24/08
Testosterone, free 4.8 L (12.4-40.0)

So you will notice that my total testosterone went from 572.83 to 855.17, so PCT is definitely helping. During that time, I was coming off of hCG which explains why my LH is lower and another reason why my balls were slightly softer 1-2 wks after I stopped hCG. Starting next Monday, I’ll decrease nolvadex from 20 mg to 10mg and I’ve seen what 10 mg will do to a person (it almost gave me a wet dream) when I was cutting my tablets in half to get me through until my new shipment of nolva arrive.

I look forward to it and talking to you guys again. oneday.

#58

I see your Testosterone is very high, but how come you don’t mention your Free Testosterone, which seems to be quite low. Doesn’t that bother you?

#59

hey boston,

the reason why i did mention my low range Free Testosterone is because I overlooked it. I hadn’t paid attention to the lab results and just zeroed in on the Total Testosterone. I don’t have any preLab work prior to propecia, so I cannot comment whether it is low or not. I understand that Testosterone binds to many enzymes and converted to other hormones, so I may just need to give my body time to accumulate more Testosterone and once all the Sex Hormone Binding Globulin has bound itself to Testosterone, and with each day that goes by the Free Testosterone may increase. I’m hypothesizing and I hope it is the case.

Anyhow, I’m not going to concern myself with the Free Testosterone topic b/c there are other components to libido, such DHT and E2/Test ratio. I’m 44 days into my PCT and my free Testosterone could have increased since requested lab work when I was 20 days into PCT.

Some ppl may question why didn’t i get more lab work done and it has to do with my doctor. He is understanding to a point and knows what insurance companies cover, as well as how often they cover lab work. Lab work is freaking expensive and I do have limits on what I can afford, so whatever labs you see is what the doctor has requested.

This has been an interesting journey for me and being apart of this forum is great. It has helped my self esteem and help me express myself, especially when I’ve been secretly suffering for 2 yrs. There have been emotional highs and lows during PCT, so I’ll need to take the proverbial ‘Iron’ and smooth out the emotions. I recommend that everyone do the same when considering the PCT protocol I’m on. Even tho, I’m extremely optimistic and have seen marked improvements in sleep, erectile quantity for nocturnal and morning erections, increased moments of happiness and so on, but could be a chance of relapse. I read BigAk’s journal on meso-rx.com and it took him 2 yrs to recover from PCT mistakes. You don’t know if you overdo hcg, or buy fake drugs for pct online, or don’t respond the same way to nolvadex/hcg as I have, but don’t give up. For BigAk, he persevered for 2 yrs and he got his libido back, also he is a horse in bed. haha Remember, this is a journey and van-man reminded me that,

I’m “rolling a heavy ball up hill, you gotta stay after it. You can’t push the ball for a little bit and then assume it’ll keep going up the hill on its own”.

so if I fail, then that means I didn’t roll the ball enough up the hill and will rethink PCT then try again. I have 12-30 days left depending on how long I’m willing to take nolvadex.

Aight ppl and hope you guys stay in touch. oneday

#60

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

This is my 44th day on pct, and I noticed that my balls are softer and smaller than usual. My balls were bigger and firmer when I was taking 10 mg of nolvadex, but now taking 20 mg consistently for at least a week has made them slightly smaller, but bigger than it was prior to PCT. I’m not afraid nor will I start panicking about testicular size because I know that they have the potential of becoming bigger again once I reduce my nolva dosage.

It is kinda strange that I sleep so well now that it makes it hard for me to analyze my nocturnal erections. However, when I would turn to sleep on my side that my erection would be pressed against the mattress and it was uncomfortable. I woke up at 8am with an erection and it was mild at 60%. Sure it has been stronger in the past but I’m on nolvadex so it affects erectile quality and sensation.

I think I’ll be taking nolvadex for the next 30 days and want to reduce my dosage very slowly to avoid estrogen shock. I have come so far to let impulsive behavior lead to a relapse in my PCT program. Here is my nolvadex schedule for next 3 weeks.

February 16, 2009
reduce to 10 mg of nolvadex

February 23, 2009
reduce to 5 mg of nolvadex

March 2, 2009
reduce to 2 mg of nolvadex

March 11, 2009
all done with pct and evaluate my erectile, libido, and mood for a month or so.

I find it interesting that ppl have mentioned interest my PCT and I’m not even done with it yet. My advice is to ask yourself some questions and figure out if there is logic behind this PCT to help you. When I first started, I knew my testosterone was low, my balls were smaller, my sleep quality was shit, and lacked libido. With all of that in mind, I found van-man on meso-rx.com and Mike Scally’s article which addressed hypogonadism induced by steroids, so read the logic behind Mike Scally’s approach to restoring the HPTA communication. He suggested that we restore the balls so it can produce testosterone and resensitize the Hypothalamus to produce LH. For me, hcg was used to restor my balls and I believe that nolva is resensitizing my brain to produce LH. So evaluate your situation and determine if hcg/nolvadex will help you. In my opinion, If your balls are producing high testosterone then you don’t need hcg.

talk to you guys later, oneday