For sure man, I’m just trying to come to terms with it. I’m both desperate and I suppose just looking for any way to cope. This is the only place I don’t feel alone/different anymore as sad as it sounds.
I was already on TRT before fin, I was experimenting with dosages that previously I was fine with. There was no way I could no that it would fuck me up :S I just thought my problem was low t or high estrogen. I may have rushed into things but I suppose I was in a panic denial state. I have recovered from the AI thankfully and I’ll never touch one again in my life. I only used Ketamine because I was on a night out and someone had bought some, I wouldn’t have used it else to be fair, I just thought maybe its antidepressant effects would help me out a little. It did. For like 2 days I was ok with PFS lol, at least that didn’t make me worse.
Yeah you’re right. I’m certainly not being dismissive. I’m not here to discount anyone, every single persons words are getting through to me its just I feel so lost I don’t want to just give up and try nothing I wanted to at least exhaust some of the options that make sense to me and I’m trying to steer clear of the things that some members have reported getting significantly worse of (AIs and Trib). I have to take a risk to get better though (or find a stack that makes me feel at least slighly recovered) and its a risk I’m willing to take. I’m not trying anything serious for now because who knows I might actually get better or see some significant improvements.
I really hope this is true for me. I feel like it would be stupid to hold on to that hope though because I held a lot of hope I’d get better within a month and of course I was absolutely shattered when I didn’t.
I try man but its really hard every now and then it just hits me like a wave of panic and its horrible. I try to distract myself but I’m really struggling with even that. I used to be ok with dealing with stress but ever since PFS its become overwhelming.
I just feel like I let my insecurity get the best of me. My very final thought before I took fin was I don’t really want to take this, I have to take this. Then I swallowed it… Why did I have to take it? In reality I didn’t… I just felt like I’d stand out towards my peers or girls wouldn’t like me.
I have made some mild improvements I suppose. Libido has increased a tiny bit since lowering TRT and morning wood is actually there if I take cialis, so thats very good signs but I still have emotional blunting that is likely permanent and body hair/body smell changes, awful sleep, muscle twitching so I suppose the PFS is and always will be there. Things are just less enjoyable nowadays I’ve noticed I do have a degree of anehodnia towards everything when I used to be so emotionally involved. The development of social anxiety is also jarring because I used to be quite outgoing.
Overall just trying to deal with this new life of a metric fuck ton of additional problems…