I'm devastated please help anyone

General Discussion
#1

I’m having trouble seeing a future when I can live like this. I have no libido really anymore, its gone from being overwhelming high (masturbating 3-4 times a day tbh) to being unable to get off once a day consistently.

How can I learn to live with this change? Especially when I’ve lost all my intense emotions so nothing is the same, its heartbreaking.

I think this is the worse thing that ever could have happened to me and I’m really struggling to see an end in sight. I’m scared to get worse and I don’t respond to testosterone anymore, it just makes me worse so I’m going to have to keep it to an extremely low dose which just fucks my libido.

I sleep 2 hrs a night now, I’ve developed permanent bags under my eyes. All my body hair has begun to turn white, facial hair resembles that of someone 10 years older than me, my hair has lost its blonde hue its greying at 20.

I don’t feel like a man anymore. I would like to suicide so I can escape this nightmare but I’m too afraid to do it.

My family or doctors don’t take me serious and I’m certain proviron/masteron will make my numbness issues worse when previously I had high hopes for it.

This doesn’t seem to be a lack of DHT issue otherwise why would an increase in T fuck me over and make things numb even in the presence of an AI? I also developed new veins after having a test shot that induced numbness so…

My guess is more test will just bring upon further androgen deprivation that will last for life. I’ll have to keep my TRT low but I can’t live like this much longer, I hate everything this medicine has done to me. I was already insecure about how much of a man I felt and now with this happening I feel like I’m deteriorating as a person.

I want to escape this nightmare called my life with PFS so bad

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#2

I’ve lived with this shit for five years. I’m not gonna make it another five years. You’re not alone.

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#3

I messed up so bad man

#4

I was suicidal for a year straight. I think that when you’re in the dark, that’s all you see. I think in a matter of time you will begin to have moments and thoughts that slowly emerge where you feel like fighting back. This is where the healing can begin.

You may have low libido, but thinking your life is over will also zap any remaining libido. You are very young. You need to awaken the warrior and fight this thing:

-Meditate (most important thing of all)
-Go to gym and keep going even if it makes you feel like crap at first
-Spend time in nature going on long walks
-Do things you intellectually know you should like, but go slow at first
-Realize that attitude has a HUGE affect on the ability to heal as displayed by the placebo an nocebo affects

Don’t listen to your :monkey: mind when it says life is over

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#5

I just keep having waves of panic set in when I realize I’ve done this to myself. I don’t know if I can fight or if the so called warrior exists in me anymore, I used to be strong enough to get through things but with this it will beat me

I’m just devastated to be in this reality.

#6

CHECK FOR INFLAMMATION!
Do you suffer any autoimmune disease? IBS, skin rash, eczema, joints pain, food allergy, itchiness, asthma, sinusitis, digestive problems… bla bla bla?

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#7

I have recurring stomach problems so I’m almost certain that it will be inflamed, is there anything I can do to help this? Are you sure it will help, I just want to stop noticing new white hairs everywhere and sleep.

I’d like my libido back too but I just don’t think its gonna happen. Its like a living nightmare

#8

I knew it!!!

I need more members who are willing to cooperate to prove this inflammation hypothesis.

Listen up. Premature white hairs could be due to inflammation too. Unless you’re hypothyroid or deficient in Copper/tyrosine. Believe it or Not! I’ve seen some of my white hairs turn black.

If your hormones are fine (T, E2, DHT) and are in good ratios. Then you need to focus on addressing your gut problems. Normal gut is when you have no bloating, no gas, no crampings, regular bowel movements, & good stool consistency.

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#9

Yeah my gut is never at full health lol it hasn’t for years. I’ve been in and out hospitals for the past 2 years from severe dehydration.

I had a course of antifungal meds (which are antiandrogenic) and have been feeling better since, if I end up getting really ill again no way I can run those meds. No way I can run those meds either to fix my gut right now its too risky.

Do you have any supplement suggestions that improve gut health? Ones of which cannot effect a pfs patient badly?

I’m on TRT and I don’t think the problem is estrogen related at all. I think the issue is androgens aren’t being responded to anymore systemically but why would that even happen… Its horrible.

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#10

FORGET about androgens if your main issue is INFLAMMATION. It causes your immmune system to be overactive and when that happens SEROTONIN and other neurotransmitters levels are affected and cause slew of symptoms.

Are you suffering from IBS-C or IBS-D?

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#11

I’d say this one if I had to self diagnose between the two

#12

I don’t usually give medical advice. But from the sound of what you’re writing, TRT is not something you want to be messing with. If you’re not consistently responding well to androgen supplementation (T, DHT, hCG, proviron, etc.), then don’t do it. In your condition, the risk is high that you will slowly get worse with androgen supplementation, to the point where you may well go off the edge.

All the best.

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Keeping up despite embarrassed but lots of sided did ease despite me deciding they were perm. It's always better to just give it a week at least when in tragedy
#13

I also suffered IBS-C and ended up taking a certain anti-biotic called Rifaximin/Xifaxan. It targets the small intestines because there’s something called SIBO (small intestine bacterial overgrowth) and they now believe it’s the cause for it.

There is a breathing test for it. FIX YOUR GUT!

#14

Read this:

“The persistent activation of the immune system that you have under the condition of chronic stress slowly changes brain function. For example, it makes cells less able to communicate between themselves because it reduces the availability of serotonin, which are messengers between cells which are good for healthy mood. Also, in general, it disrupts the birth of new brain cells.”

And this:
“Copious amounts of research have outlined a connection between alterations in immune system function, inflammation status, and MDD. Supporting this connection, peripheral immune activation results in changes in the function and/or expression of many components of 5-HT signaling that are associated with depressive-like phenotypes. How 5-HT is utilized by the immune system to effect CNS function and ultimately behaviors related to depression is still not well understood. This Review summarizes the evidence that immune system alterations related to depression affect CNS 5-HT signaling that can alter MDD-relevant behaviors and that 5-HT regulates immune system signaling within the CNS and periphery.”

#15

I was on TRT before so I’m terrified coming off will provide further androgen deprivation that will destroy me.

I’m thinking of stopping and running a SERM to restart my system but a lot of users report problems from SERMS too.

#16

So in your case, you need to address any inflammation.

You could try this small test; Try taking 500mg Vitamin C. If you feel any better within a few hours then you know you may have high inflammation in your body

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#17

My problem isn’t a bacterial overgrowth, it was fungal. Canidida overgrowth I believe.

#18

I’ll try the Vit C

#19

Just so you know. I did start taking antibiotic and then took antifungal medication. Because killing off bacteria will lead to fungal overgrowth.

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#20

The problem is Fluconazole is similar to Ketoconozole and that terrifies me. It may be too risky to try systemic antifungals.