First of all my most sincere pray goes to you Damon.
I probably could not begin to comprehend or process what you have been through all these 4 years. My objective opinion is that I knew past people from SSRI (not PFS patients but still) that crashed bad when stopped used them. Only lots of times no meds and good surroundings allowed them to be in a pre SSRI state. Yes, you may have fucked up, but that only means more time is required first to get out the SSRI and then to return to your post PFS path towards recovery.
Focus on the little things you have, can you at least sleep? good, go for 10h or more. Is there a good day outside? Go out, look at the sky, look at the tree, look at the birds. You have to try anything that helps you forget your hole of misery, even if it is just cope. This way the time will pass easier for you. Give it 1-2 years for your body to overcome your SSRI crash. Learn things in between.
You know more than anyone there’s no instant pill or solution to this, our only hope are very long term behaviours and environments where our bodies are able to figure out how to get to a new better state, regulate it and make it the new baseline, we should aim for this while scientific research is done in paralel. You are having it harder probably than anyone on here, yet I see you young and 10 years would mean nothing for your life. Give your body that opportunity, give it 10 years. Don’t worry about getting too old, what is too old anyway? someone in their late 30’s can redo their life perfectly. We should not compare ourselves to others in society because our pace is set in a very different way where things are a lot slowlier than for other people.
And I know I am by no means anyone to tell you to give it time, since I am only a 6 month supposed PFS sufferer from covid / BPA exposure (still to be cleared) but ey look at me I’ve never ever had sex, I am 32 yo man who never had sex and I am now in a PFS state where I am impotent, my penis and testicles have shrunk I have done a seminal test and I have very low sperm count, probably atrophy in my sexual apparatus whatever… like how could I overcome this? well I just coped immediately that I won’t be having any libido for say 1-2 maybe 4 years before maybe a miracle happends so I abandon all women desires and worries until that time had pass and then I will reasses my situation. If I keep being like this I will just get a low libido gf and use cialis and the likes each month or so and that be it. I will use artificial fertility to help get my gf pregnant and have a family and that be it. My gf may left me because I am impotent and cialis may stop working and that be it. Whatever I will do anything I can to get a grasp of life things that are available to me one way or another and then I will be old and I will feel release because I would not care anymore about it and do hobbies and shit until I die and that be it.
It may not be the life I would have wish before, It may be a miserable life for some but with the things I currently have and probably the permanent damage I have it is what it is available to me and I am by all means going to squeeze out all the juice, whatever it is left of it.
Sorry for my english, spaniards are naturally bad a it.