What’s the point? I’m sitting here in my rom in my parents house. I’m 27 years old. This mess has been going on for almost 14 years after I took accutane as a teen. This drug has destroyed my entire life and every oppurtinity. I feel I’m going more insane and detached every day. I’m a ghost. A living dead. I feel like this is a nightmare and I want to wake up. I have no one to talk to. My family feel like complete strangers to me. I have no hope. The only reason I’m still alive is because I’m too much of a coward to take my own life. But I have absolutely no purpose in life. Every day is meaningless. Every day I tell myself: “one more day, tomorrow will be better day”. But this better day never comes. I feel cursed. I feel there’s no god, there’s no soul. After you take from man simple thing like sex drive, everything becomes meaningless. You loose drive for anything. Nothing is enjoyable anymore. You just exist, but everything is alien, distant. Another day in paradise guys. Sorry for this pessimistic sob story, but that’s just a way it is. I usually don’t post things like this because I know how depressing they are, but just needed to vent. Hope you’re having better weekend than me.
Did you share literature with your family so at least they can understand you are dealing something real rather than choosing to be the way you are? It isn’t true that you need sex drive for life drive. You can find missions and derive fulfillment from achieving them. It would be great if this community would get off its ass and start advocating for itself the way all patient groups who get help do. Then we could have results to look forward to while focusing on long-term projects of our own on the side to reap the benefits of once we realize an effective medical treatment.
Im not sure if I’m allowed to give this, since its very very early to say anything about it.
But i was pretty suicidal a week ago, before out of desperation i tried magic mushrooms, exactly like the recent study that was done. Precise calculation is ofcourse not possible but you can estimate it.
I felt whole a lot better in terms of my psychological well being. This has been going for a week now and i have no idea if it will stick. But maybe this can give you hope.
I wish I was 27 again, but I’m almost double that now, with exactly the same issues (due to finasteride). Had I known that I’d been suffering like this for so many years, I don’t know what I would have done.
I will tell you that it does get better, or you just get used to it. Yes, that’s sad that we get used to it, but in all the years, there were some good days, and they make life worth living. Having said that, every single day is one day closer to a solution and one day closer to feeling relief from this misery we are living in.
Things that worked for me and some others were discipline in healthy diet and exercise, anti depression medication like Wellbutrin (no SSRI’s) and now, possibly hCG, which is promising but still too early to tell.
Depression is a horrible horrible thing, and like many of us, we’ve been there more that we’ve been “happy”, but the day will come where that equation will change, and just like this condition caused me to forget the past happiness in my life, I hope it will one day make a memory out of the depression.
We all need hope, by whatever means necessary. In my pre PFS days, I was driven by anger, and how unfair life was. Now, with PFS, I long for those seemingly unhappy days, but am sure we will overcome this together. We cannot give up of lose hope. A “cure” could be discovered tomorrow, or next year, or the year after, and yes, it will be better for us, and will be like a winning lottery ticket every day.
I tell you this as a man that has suffered tremendously. I won’t go into my personal story, because it’s surely not the worst out there, but this condition has changed us for now, and I’m sure not forever.
Please, have hope, have faith, do what you can to be strong and know better days are ahead. Do what you need to do to feel better. Watch one of those motivational YouTube videos, pray, read a book of faith, or whatever you need to do that will help get you out of this. It’s very difficult, yes. I’ve tried everything, and have been in the deepest, darkest places, and honestly surprised I have survived some of them. There is a reason for our lives, and we should live through them to understand what that reason is.
You’re fortunate to have a family, who I’m sure are much much more than strangers to you. This is a difficult condition to understand, and if I didn’t have it, I wouldn’t understand it either. And yes, there are worse things-there are always worse things, not that should make us feel better, but to realize there are also better things we will hopefully be seeing in our lives.
It’s terrible, lots of us have the horrible feelings of nothingness where we no longer connect to the world or our loved ones. It’s undescribable and no one outside of this condition can even begin to understand. I’m lucky enough to have a son who just turned 8 and when he hugs me I feel no emotions, it breaks me it honestly does. I play act and remember the feelings of love and happiness I had 20 years ago prior to the onset of this hell. I often wish I wasn’t here to go through this suffering but even so I’ve still made a difference to one or two lives at times. This is the most humbling experience anyone can go through, just to be normal again would feel amazing. If we get out of this we will treasure anything and everything. We’d feel better than anyone else that’s alive. So don’t give up, never give up, just imagine being restored. My faith and trust is with God. " Not everyones bag I know" I subconsciously speak and prey to him every night and I believe it helps bring an element of inner peace and even acceptance. Try to find something that soothes and calms even when it’s at its worst. Feel free to PM anytime. What doesn’t kill us make us stronger. You WILL make it out of this. The hormonal dysregulation puts a false perspective on our predicament. .
Life is not just about sex. A human being can have a great life even without a sex life, example: Monks. Are u able to function properly? How are u physically and mentally?
Totally agree…You only need one thing to have a good life…A functioning brain…And that is what most doesn’t get…Everyone is fixating on the sexual sides and ignore the brain damage that we have. Not being able to feel or think anymore…To read or to enjoy what you are reading, Do any sort of real studying or enjoying music. To me this is PFS. Not penis size and shrunken testicles.
What evidence is there that we have ‘brain damage?’
Correct man. People here are depressed becoz of numb dicks and ED lol…that is why PFS is not at all famous and no one gives a damn. Everyone knows that Finasteride is a “boner killer”, that’s it? Did all these people commit suicide becoz they were not able to get it up!! I don’t think so. All those people who committed suicide were the people who were not able to function mentally, not getting even 1 hr sleep, those who had constant brain fog 24*7, those who had so severe anhedonia that they couldn’t even understand what’s written in a book or what’s going on in a movie. No one here talks about this serious issue. All just wants a working erect dick that’s it. Really depressing situation.
My friend there is no evidence for anything about PFS. Otherwise we could have forced the medical community to acknowledge that there is something wrong with. Im just talking how it feels like.Thats it. And to me PFS feels like my brain is damaged (Whethere through receptors silecening or actual cell death etc…, NO EVIDENCE whatsoever)
There are markers of PFS well beyond merely patient experience. For instance very low allo levels, very upregulated AR in penile tissue.
How you feel has no bearing on whether you are suffering from actual brain damage. Let’s be careful what we say here please.
When all the focus and research goes on numb dick and ED, how can anyone know whether there is a brain damage or not?
We don’t know. So we shouldn’t be making such claims.
Not sure what to call „Brain fog, Insomnia, severe anhedonia, Loss of smell and taste senses) other than brain damage…Should i call it brain massage?..I mean, im sorry, but even ppl with treatment resistant depression can say they have some sort of brain damage (Mechanism and whether it can be treated is totally independent).
I know most have fear of even mentioning or talking about such stuff, but not talking about it and hoping to wake up someday and miraculously being cured is what most ppl in this community is doing since 20years,and here we go again. Nothing has changed.
I suspect there is a lot more going on than ED for @halfthemaniusedtobe. I haven’t had a boner for over a decade and can say it’s the least of my problems. My brain and body are disintegrating / being ripped apart by this abhorant disease. As said I’ve put my faith in God. I just can’t get my head around why we aren’t onto the press and news channels as this is so much more than ED. There are scientific papers backing up our claims. Were in the dark room of this forum achieving sweet FA. @Greek asked for views on what we want going forward. Linked, hardly anyone has stepped up to do a video. Let’s get our act together and make a fight of this rather than being stuck in this hamster wheel. Publicity, exposing Merck is key.
I’m not able to function properly. I struggle with sleep, showering, basic stuff. Mostly I just lie in my bed, trying to read or watch stupid videos on youtube. I have terrible anxiety, like the world is going to end almost 24/7. I wake up feeling I’m gonna kill myself and feel like this througout the whole day, sometimes staying all night wishing I was dead. I’m unable to do anything really.
To be honest numb dick is literally smallest of my problems xD I wish I had properly functioning brain without all the anxiety, brain fog, dp/dr and body that didn’t feel like 100 year old man.
Tried microdosing shrooms 3 days ago and felt dreadfull. All it took was 4 mushrooms to amplify anxiety and depression x10. I have a field near to me where they grow and I’m wondering if it makes sense to try again maybe with even smaller dose. 2 years ago I took full dose of 20g amsterdam truffles and while the experience was amazing it didn’t really change anything in my condition. Last year I got psychotic from CBD oil so I’m just scared of trying anything. Of course antipsychotics screw me even more. Stay away from thos drugs guys.
So sorry man. There are a few of us in this horrible position. When at this point it’s hard to believe there is next to nothing being done to help us/ no urgency. Hang in there mate give religion a try
CBD made me worse too. I think when it’s this bad everything that helps normal people actually hurts us. Everything has been flipped.