Ways to Rebuild and Reconnect

General Discussion
#41

TXOptimist- I’m in a marriage that is clearly not based on sex, and although I appreciate what my wife is giving up (and also gaining with me), it has put a real strain on the marriage. Things were never crazy hot between us, but I think some sexual connection is just an important part in a human experience and likely most people are just wired to want it. As depressing as that is, there it is. Having said that, we’re going to make it through I’m sure, and there are a lot of good times between us too - including two awesome kids and a great family life. And I look forward to the days when we are much older and the sex isn’t a pressing issue. (And yes, it’s incredibly depressing to be looking forward to the age when everyone else in our peer group is as asexual as we are).

As for your question about religion, I can’t really comment as I wasn’t brought up being very religious. (And interestingly, I have often wondered whether a true faith could have helped me cope with this loss, but maybe it’s a double-edged sword).

#42

Ok, my optimism is officially shot. I got real tired a few weeks ago. Went to the doctor, ran a ton of tests…and I’m fine on paper. Referred to a rheumatologist because of persistent joint pain. However, I’ve had my knees examined before and…you guessed it, no evidence of arthritis or anything else. I swear fin side effects are like the Phantom Menace…there but not there!

What’s more unnerving is I’m losing interest in my daily activities. Luckily my job is low-stress, and my mind is still agile. In fact, I think clearer now than ever. But I feel like my personal life has ground to a halt. I still have ambition but I’m not exactly pounding the pavement. I just feel…nothing. Empty. Nothing’s there. Days are passing by. I don’t feel in control of my life.

While I’ve drawn strength from a number of speakers and spiritual leaders (and seen results in the past) I have to say their simplistic platitudes drive me up the wall. I struggle to see any purpose or happy ending from all this. I still enjoy writing (thus my posting here), exercising, and a few other activities.

I’m trying out some new fitness and supplement protocols this week. I’ve generally had more luck with those than seeing the docs. At this point, they’re only good for prescription refills and cholesterol checks. Or something catastrophic. The rest appears to be on my shoulders.

#43

Don’t give up TXOptimist. You’ve come this far. Awareness is growing quickly and there could be a cure or treatment option around the corner. In the mean time, focus on your strengths. Try writing a novel since your social life is shot. It’ll be challenging, rewarding, and a way to feel you’re not wasting away.

I said this before, it’s like a jail sentence. There’s a chance you’ll be set free in the future. Until then, accept the fact that you are in jail and make use of the free time.

#44

TXOptimist, would you mind sharing your member story?

#45

This is the third time you’ve asked him Martin. He will do it if he wants.

#46

SA, stop interjecting where you’re not needed. If you didn’t notice I’m not the only one requesting his member story.

#47

I am needed and don’t tell me what to do. I am capable of reading this thread. TXOptimist is capable of sharing his member story without being told.

#48

I feel like this is worse than jail more like hell.i hope that with research something will come up to help us but now I’m so scared because I think we have damaged our bodies with poison and we are not machines so u can just replace things in our bodies.i am married and I’m trying to do the best I can for my wife and daughter but it’s tough when u don’t enjoy life anymore.God I pray for a miracle I wish this shit was never invented. Research is quiet no updates have been given makes me scared that there is nothing that can help I hope I’m wrong cant live the rest of my like like this.

#49

I havent even lived my life yet mate.

#50

I’m thrilled to see Irwig’s latest study get major media attention. Our stories have all the markings of a made-for-TV tragedy. If more people hear our stories (like Kevin M.), I’m confident the tide will turn and people will sympathize with our situation. We’re experiencing every man’s worst fear. Everyone hates Big Pharma. Now that there’s research to back it up, the media will run with it. They already are. I’m sure the Merck actuaries and lawyers are spinning trying to figure how much a settlement will cost.

Sadly, I’m afraid my own mood is going from bad to worse. I stopped dating more than a decade ago due to fin sides. So I focused on trying to make a good career (as least I could enjoy that). The higher prestige jobs came with high stress, which my body couldn’t take. Plus, I never felt on top of my game dealing with all the health stuff. So now I’m in a stable but boring job that uses about a third of my talents. My peers are breaking out in big ways, and I’m in career purgatory.

It’s annoying because I’ve had counselors recommend I build a personal life. But how? Almost everyone my age has/is coupled up and starting families. Which for me is out of the question. I have no idea where I fit in. It’s not like it was in college, when everyone was friends with everyone. Men pretty much stop making friends after they get married; women tend to be more relational and branch out. I’m on good terms with some co-workers and a few relatives. But that’s about it.

I’ve been trying for the past few years to improve my situation, but I feel I’ve made no major progress. My life feels stalled. I feel like the man who isn’t there. I’ve resisted taking on a “victim” mentality, but honestly, I’m ready to cede I can’t solve this.

I started this thread thinking I could turn things around, but I’m losing faith I can build the life I want. I had some faith in diet/exercise/supplements. But as Irwig’s study pointed out, the mechanism by which Propecia affected brain/body chemistry isn’t understood. So all the supplements and diet changes are not addressing the core physiological problem, which remains a mystery.

Ever see Groundhog Day? Yeah, that’s pretty much my life.

#51

I’m very sorry to hear that things have taken a turn for you TX. Your posts actually inspired me a great deal in past months. I am in the Austin area, and would still be willing to meet up one of these days to discuss life, and anything, and everything. It has been a real roller coaster for all of us, and I feel amidst a pretty bad patch right now too. I’m here for ya brother.

#52

Sorry to hear mate, there is always other aspects to make you happy in life. You can either live life feeling shit or you can try and make sucess of it. People respect people who are sucessful and make something of themselves regardless. Personally i’m lucky i have an amazing girlfriend, though it’s hard(soft) with the sexual sides and mood swings. I mean shit i remember a month ago i was freaking out cause i had a slight recession in my hairline and i was drastic about it, now i look back and go how stupid was I! Propecia has made it 10 times worse along with all the sides. But it’s a lession learnt and hopefully we can all recover from this shit and live good lives. But i’m certainly not going to give up.

Stay positive. I’ve been doing Meditation last couple of days and I can tell you it makes a hell of a difference. It may sound lame to some of you but it really helps to reconnect yourself.

Feel free to chat with me on Skype.

#53

I’ve had the weekend to gather my thoughts, and I’m in a bit of a better place now. Compared to three years ago, I’m so much improved. The gains were really amazing, and I started to think I was on the cusp of repairing everything. Recently I’ve realized, despite my gains, I’m probably not going to get exactly what my 20-year old self wanted. So I basically told my 20-year old self to shut the hell up.

When I read the guys who are completely out of work, my job security and stable life are nothing to whine about. It’s just I was on the fast track for awhile, and things have cooled. In fact, my anger is a bit of a good sign: for several years I was too tired to be angry or frustrated. Now, I want more. I’m just struggling to find my way. I believe it was the great philosopher Fleetwood Mac who said: “You can go your own way.”

Time to get back to work…

#54

Reading this thread reminds me that I am not crazy. There is just simply no chemistry. Ive stopped about 3 months after being on this crap for numerous years. Yes I also felt my penis has shrunk about 30% approx. What a crazy life I am living. Has anyone tried getting back on the drug. Does it help?

#55

No it does not. You will be inhibiting androgens, neurosteroids and everything else it does when you are on it. A few guys have tried this and end up worse off.

#56

Yeah the only reason I would ever even consider going back on would be if scientists said we need to monitor exactly what happens to the body throughout the ordeal to figure out how to cure it. Then I might do it assuming it could get me cured and I would have constant help during the crash period and after until they developed said cure.

Otherwise no shot in hell.

#57

Ok another question has anyone who has been on this stuff for years like me seeing any improvement sexually or otherwise?

#58

Some guys have improved, but let me qualify what that means. For many, the mental side effects (fogginess, insomnia, panic attacks, lack of emotions) and fatigue subside over time as they focus on diet, exercise, supplementation, and other treatments. I say subside, because they never completely go away. The sexual sides seem more or less permanent. I’ve read few stories of sexual turnarounds, and few guys that say they are back 100% sexually. It appears this is where Propecia does irreparable damage.

In terms of energy and mental clarity, I’m miles from where I began. I have my wits. But I’ve kicked and clawed to get here. Some things I lost are…lost. There’s life after Propecia. It’s just a very different, sometimes confounding one.

#59

It sucks. But telling youself your not going to get better isn’t helping, your brains not going to lie to you and tell you your better.

#60

Damn… :-/

Just know that this hideous disease isn’t being ignored any longer. And there’s currently research into finding the root cause and ultimately a cure. Other than that, not much I can say.