Ways to Rebuild and Reconnect

General Discussion
#1

Besides the sexual-physical complaints, what guys complain about most is they’ve lost interest in life. Relationships fall apart. You can’t keep a girl. You don’t feel like doing anything. You don’t go out. You feel disconnected.

I don’t have a magic bullet, but I want to share ways you can rebuild your life. Some guys have given up their lives—literally. Trust me, I’ve been there. But I’ve found a way to re-structure my life.

  1. There’s a reason you feel disconnected. Fin shut down some of our brains’ emotional wiring. When two people hit it off, they say they have “chemistry.” It’s more than a saying. When healthy folks talk, their brains give off chemicals. A stimulating debate, flirting….all fire off dopamine and norepinephrine. Guys with fin issues aren’t giving off these signals. So as you talk to a stranger, you seem flat. The other person’s brain senses that—and fades out. You’re not lighting up; they’re not lighting up. You don’t connect.

  2. Build a life around strengths and interests. Even though you may not feel as passionate about them, most of us still have things we’re interested in. Focus on things inside you that still seem alive. Although fin wrecked my health, I still have a wicked sense of humor. I make other people laugh. Even though I’m not “feeling” much, I use humor to keep other people interested in conversations.

I’m also into health and fitness. So I’ve used Meetup.com to find groups. We’re not best friends, but I enjoy sharing my interests with others. It gives me something to look forward to—and a reason to get out of the house.

3. If new relationships give you trouble, re-kindle old ones. I’ve found I depend more on college buddies and family now. They knew me before everything crashed, so the bonds are already there. We’ve already connected. I can be myself.

  1. Get a pet. Don’t blow this off— studies have found they help with anhedonia (loss of pleasure) and loneliness. Pets tend to pick up our emotions in ways people don’t.

5. Don’t beat yourself up. I suffered from “All or Nothing” thinking for years. I was either going to recover 100% or my life was over. Comparing my life to what it was “supposed” to be zapped all my energy. You may recover 100%; you may not. I’ve had to adjust some goals (and I still get frustrated), but there’s very few things I absolutely can’t do.

I wish I had magic beans to sell. These tools, however, provided a framework so I could function and enjoy life more.

#2

Nice post. Definitely good points to apply for those who are interested in rebuilding there life and getting on with it. Are your side effects mainly mental or do you also suffer sexual side effects?

#3

I (mostly) recovered from the “brain fog” though I still have to watch my stress level. It’s been a long road. I can go into greater detail about what’s worked. In short: dietary changes (mostly paleo), exercise, a handful of supplements, and some alternative therapies.

To see me at the gym, you’d have no idea anything was up! Conventional treatments (TRT, etc.) didn’t move the dial much. Doctors have ranged from sympathetic but useless to outright dismissive.

Sexual sides persist. I’ve had to accept that part is my lot, though I’m intrigued by new drugs in the pipeline, especially those that deal with arousal as opposed to just increased blood flow.

#4

nice post.

what drugs do u intend to try?

#5

Awesome post. I’ve really embraced a lot of the suggestions you’ve made but your way of breaking it down is great. Thank you.

#6

A little dog is a great idea.

#7

i’ve had a lot of success regarding mental clarity by walking and meditating

#8

I think you are a spammer just trying to wind people up on this forum.

#9

LOL. Here, let me explain…

Regarding this post, the whole reason I started walking 1 hour a day is because someone in this forum, I forget who, but they posted a recovery that they got via email and it said something about the person started walking 3-4 hours per day until they reached a point of feeling really good. After doing this for whatever amount of time, they had a recovery. The reason I said meditation is because I all ready meditate 20 minutes per day and it basically shuts off your brains internal dialogue giving you less stress/constant chatter. And yes, both of these do give you more mental clarity. The reason I walk is because I am on a very restrictive diet where I can’t really do extensive exercise.

#10

The mind-body connection has been touched upon some, but I want to expand a bit. A lot of guys view their condition in terms of isolated sides (ED, fatigue, “brain fog”). But fin had a traumatic system-wide effect on our bodies. It’s almost like a stroke—part of our brains shut down, affecting mood, sexuality, energy levels, so on.

Your whole body has to heal. I recommend Peter Levine’s Healing Trauma (and other works). When an animal is hurt, he explains, they retreat. It’s not unusual to see mammals having spasms to release the pain, trauma, and negative energy they suffered from their injuries.

We’re not so different. For example, a lot of guys complain about digestion issues. I always felt like I had nervous energy trapped in my gut; Levine’s exercises helped discharge some of that.

I read a lot of posts about hormone and ED treatments. While I don’t discount these, a systemic approach (body-mind-spirit) has been more beneficial to me.

I felt spiritually dead for years. Part of getting better is working through this trauma—it’s a very personal process. But I do feel alive again.

#11

life sucks so hard in my case, sitting at my room all day and summer long, maybe 2-3 times i go for get some bread & milk. i think there is a big problem related to that drug.
i am still suffering hormonal imbalances, still not losing hair, not oily that much as pre-fin, tried to run away all drug-related thoughts for about 2 years and half, but nothings improved, maybe some libido increase, there is an absolute stoppage/halt of brain processes and spiritual senses if you ask me

#12

Yes sanane, finasteride has caused serious neurological/brain damage, there is no doubt about it.

It would be nice if people stopped posting bull shit about “mind body spirit” and other lame shit that cant explain a fraction of the damage.
I sometimes wish there was two forums, one where these jokers can joke around with heavy metals, diets, and so on.
And one that is based on finasteride studies/mechinism of the drug aimed at researchers, scientests etc who actually have a chance of solving, a forum that shows we are victims of a dangerous drug, not idiots.

#13

Don’t worry, lots of us talk without you knowing. :wink:

#14

No one wants the scientific community to get engaged more than me. It will take a well funded class action suit, pitching this story to reporters, and more folks like Dr. Erwig stepping up. That process will take years—and you’re more likely to get a settlement payout than a cure. Folks like Shippen, Crisler, et al have been listening and experimenting for years now with only modest success.

Until then, we have to use whatever tools are out there to recover. You can work toward finding the silver bullet AND experiment with different methods to heal. It’s not either/or.

For eight years, I tried the conventional medicine route. I poured over pages of lab results. I went to more than a dozen docs. Nothing. Only in the past two years, after trying a more holistic approach, have I seen major improvements in my quality of life. And I don’t do tons of yoga, stick myself with pins and needles, or take homeopathic “medicine.”

#15

TXoptimist, how old are you? if you don’t mind me asking. You come across as a very wise and intelligent man and i am sure that because of your positive attitude, you will lead a good life, even with the side effects from finasteride.

I think it’s safe to say that we all want scientists and researchers to figure out what the hell has gone wrong with us ASAP but we need to be realistic here guys. We have an illness that quite frankly, nobody knows of or gives a flying fuck about. If i had to put money on it, i would say that we will never know. If you want to be happy and carry on moving with life then lifestyle changes such as the ones TXoptimist is proposing could be a great place to start. I personally don’t know if i have the strength to bother anymore but i absolutely admire those of you who do.

#16

Great bryce, the more of your dribble off the forum the better.

#17

I’m in my early 30’s. The last decade has been an absolute bitch. I understand folks are feeling so bad they see no light at the end of the tunnel. I didn’t either, but pressed on. I believe I was born for bigger things than wasting away. I kicked and clawed my way back. It pains me to read these stories—because too many have given up hope so young.

For now, the medical community doesn’t care. Even Erwig, who’s invaluable, is looking to make a name for himself through this work. Drug companies will help if there’s a large market of sufferers or if the media scrutiny is unbearable. Long live the free market.

So we have to take care of ourselves. That’s true for everyone; it just took this miserable drug for me to take charge of my life.

#18

Txoptimist, I could not find your story. Please can you give us a quick run down of your background (e.g length of time on Propecia, sides etc.) thanks, Chi

#19

Lots of guys have PM’d me about my recovery process. I’m working how to best present this. (It’s tough to sum up a 10-year, evolving process). But I wanted to touch on some turning points:

DECIDE TO LIVE. I’ve heard so many guys say they want to die. One of the biggest decisions I made was to decide to live. It was, in fact, a conscious decision. I remember the day I made it. I had lost so much: not just my health, but money, job prospects, friends, and the simple ability to enjoy life. I wasn’t sure whether to go on. Yet I hated the idea people would think I gave up.

Oddly, as I my world fell apart, my ambition never went away. In fact, it kept building. Same dreams, same aspirations, same desire to overcome, to forge a new identity. Maybe I was delusional. But I decided to give my dreams a shot. My ambition fueled my recovery.

YOU’RE BETTER THAN YOU THINK. One of my biggest frustrations post-fin was the perception I lost my mind. I couldn’t sleep, think sharply, feel motivated, passionate, or connect with people. I lost my mojo. Yet shortly after the fin crash, I made the college dean’s list. I also got one of two A’s in a large creative writing seminar. I was shocked. I could barely get the words on paper! I thought what I produced was sub-par, but it wasn’t. My perception was not reality. I felt “off,” but hardly anyone noticed.

If you’re tired, sleep deprived, anxiety-ridden, and numb you probably feel like the rest of the world sees these problems. Maybe. Maybe not. Most likely you’re more capable than you think. Your work is not as bad as you think. You don’t look as bad as you feel. Others don’t see you as scattered, dull, or boring as you do. You feel these things, so they must be true. But our feelings (or lack of them) deceive us. You probably haven’t lost as much as you thought.

To this day, I still have to fight the urge to avoid work or activities I don’t “feel” like doing. Thank god, I can still rationally decide to act. At this point, it’s mind over emotion. I don’t feel like doing anything much of the time. But I know what must get done, and I know I can fulfill the task.

Don’t get me wrong. I still get stuck thinking I’m not up to snuff. The train is off the tracks. I’m second-rate. In second gear. Then I look at the work I’ve produced, the projects I’ve worked on, and it’s obvious I’m doing fine. Just because I don’t feel the heat doesn’t mean I’m not on fire.

#20

yes, i agree a positive attitude is required for us to get us where we need to be, but there are also clear imbalances going on. can you go into specifically which exercises you did or how your diet looked or what you have been doing over time to help yourself improve?