Haha I know my response got a bit wild and dramatic there. Putting the whole thing into words is my own way of coping with it. But yeah, totally with you man!
Just jumping on this thread to post a thought. It just hit me now.
I actually love myself less. That’s basically it. I’ve tried to be accepting and all that but fuck it, I don’t like who I am as much as I used to. I feel pathetic and useless most of the time. I used to really, really love myself but now I find no reason to. Wise people say that everyone has value but sometimes it feels like I don’t. What if being strong and attractive really is the purpose of life? It feels like it a lot of the time.
Sometimes I don’t even want peace and love. I just want to be sad and miserable. If life is going to screw with me this much, shouldn’t I at least be entitled to feel bad about it? I’m done smelling the roses. I’m a tired, useless prick and that’s just who I am. I can barely muster the courage to talk to girls lately. I don’t even want to think about sex. If I’m going to be a fat, exhausted blob, how can anyone take that away from me? Maybe I am cursed and that’s just how it is.
I dunno. Sorry to be a downer but that’s just how I feel. Meh.
I was a human!
When you’re suffering, nostalgia is pain.
I just want to sleep,累了
I’ve thought this same thing many times
I’m in regret and time travel 24/7
minus 12 hours staying in bed, trying to sleep and think about nothing.
The present isn’t existing for me. I only live in the past. Now I m analysing all that I have made wrong. After all the biggest mistake was to take the pills. And all the absolutely creazzy coincidences and thoughtlessness leading into the catastrophe.