Another rant update.
It’s incredible how my life gets worse every month, every week that passes by.
I’m not even sure I can call my friends “friends” anymore. Haven’t seen them in 2 weeks now. Today we were supposed to hang out together, and I’m quite sure they’ve used the fact that my brother tested positive for Covid 9 days ago (he’s been in quarantine since) to ask me not to join them, despite I tested negative and have no symptoms.
I’m growing resentful. Feelings of vendetta are soaring and I think it’s going to bubble over sooner than later. This summer is going to break our relationship completely.
I can’t stand the way I’m being treated. Can’t stand the dynamics of our relationship. I’m falling a little by a little in that panic position when you feel you have no control over the situation and you’d do anything to gain some of the control back. Or, to hurt people you feel you’are being hurt by (EDIT: I don’t mean physically).
I couldn’t even say how my condition is going.
Cognitively I’m still in deep shit.
Sexually, it varies to such a degree it doesn’t even make sense to talk about. Last days have been kinda good. Mood affects my symptoms quite a bit. But my mood is always shit.
I spent 23 hours per day at home. Don’t have much in my life. And I’m losing what I have by the day. Family situation is messed up. Everything is messed up.
The whole situation is shit. And at times I get very, very close to put an end to it.
There’s not one single thing I can gain pleasure out of.