Suicide

General Discussion
#1

I guess this is just an open expression of what I’m feeling right now, on a forum where I know people can understand.

All that’s on my mind is not wanting to be alive anymore. I really can’t take it anymore. The anhedonia stretches past just sexual. There is a nothingness in life. I’m 23 years old and prior to taking Proscar I had never experienced this. It’s like someone has flicked off part of my genetic code and I can no longer sense things or be sexual.

There is no enjoyment from anything. Seeing friends, working out, holidays, vacations, alcohol… nothing works. I’ve tried to push my career forward with great success but I can’t feel anything from it. I just have this drive to create something so that whenever this day comes where it’s fixed I’ll have myself financially set with a successful career… but I just don’t care anymore, or rather, there is no feeling of caring because I can’t. I can’t even cry? There is no sadness because I can’t really feel that even. It’s blankness. The only thing that helps is keeping busy, and that’s only because it occupies your time. Even when your mind and time is occupied you never feel better. The side effects never go away.

I can’t have a relationship because I biologically now can’t connect on any level. Being completely impotent at age 23? Are you fucking kidding me? That’s not normal. I don’t go out anywhere because I feel nothing and feel out of touch with what’s going on around me. Having a drink doesn’t produce any relaxed or pleasurable feeling. It’s really like there is no escape.

I can’t even enjoy the holidays being around my family because I feel nothing. It’s almost impossible to have someone understand what this feels like because it’s like being able to explain to someone a new colour. Your brain can’t comprehend that. Just like someone’s brain can’t comprehend what it’s like to have something biologically shut off if theirs is not…

My life has been denial for the last 4 years, pretending everything is okay, and constantly having to put on an act. It’s been how many Christmas’ I have to sit there blankly feeling nothing? Knowing that I can no longer have regular experiences in life? I can’t do it anymore.

I just want to be put to sleep.

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#2

You have to find a way to hang in there. Its hard i know, but you can do it.

#3

i understand my friend. completely. im at a fork in the road and am probably gonna have to face the most drastic life changes since all this started. and i contemplate suicide daily. if you wanna talk… my PM is wide open.

please take care.

#4

i know what you mean man, but dont let your darkest hour take you down, just hang in there because the prize at the end is very much worth it, i know this is one of the worst things that can ever happen to someone, but you have to keep fighting because one day you will be whole again and life will be so much more special, we are here for you man, i think it is so cool you have managed to have a career with all of this, i have lost my job and have such a hard time functioning mentally, but what you have accomplished is really pretty amazing … we are here for you man, do not ever give up, keep fighting and you will be rewarded down the line, we are here for you man

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#5

if this were facebook - i would like this and then post the obligatory “LOVE BUTTON!?” comment. well said.

#6

DON’T DO IT!!

Vancouver… this shit is hard, and it sucks beyond belief. I get it. But I want you to consider something;

Suicide is a permanent solution to what may be a temporary (if long term) problem. Who knows how things will turn out? Why close the door forever? You have contributions to make as a human being that go beyond sex and feelings. Even if you derive little enjoyment from things for the time being… you can still add to this world and help others. You can still make someone else’s day. You can still build something worthwhile. You can still help your family and loved ones. You can still lend your voice to a worthy cause etc etc. You’re still needed here man. That’s the way you have to look at this imo.

Sorry to beat you over the head with platitudes. Please pm me if you want to talk it out.

Stay with us bro.

Yeah that was a great post.

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#7

Just wanted to say thanks for everyone for responding. Makes me feel less isolated

I think there needs to be more personal connections among us on here. If there are others in your town, hang out or meet. I think supporting each other is important. I was really about ready to talk to my family, explain what I’m doing, take leave and skip off to another country where assisted suicide is legal. It sounds crazy but that’s honestly where my head is at. But getting the messages I did gives me a bit more patience. I obviously wanted to reach out before I did anything because subconsciously I want to be alive and well.

Very easy to get stuck in your own head with everything and want to exit.

The messages really helped out, so thank you

#8

Man I think this is the reality for all of us here. I can really relate to that. We’re all in our own heads so much that it becomes the whole of reality to us… but there is a wider world out there and places where we are needed if we poke our heads out of our shells so to speak.

Glad you’re feeling better. Please keep in touch.

Agarman's Story - Shrinkage from Liposomal Finasteride
#9

I think it would be a good idea for those that want/need to meet up with others to have a section broken down by country… With regional subsections. It could save the life of one of the many great guys here.

If you wish to keep your city private you can pm those in your region.

Mew, what do you think? You have any ideas on something like this?

#10

Hey Vancouver

Im new to this forum and just want to say that posts like yours, especially the one above make new comers feel less isolated. I have not yet experienced PFS, I have been off for 3 days now and took a total of 9 pills. I am open to the possibility that I very well could experience PFS in 3 weeks. Trying to stay positive, scared shitless nonetheless - but regardless I just want to say that even 5 years later your message resonates. I am curious to hear about your progression. If you dont mind, can you share an update?

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#11

I am afraid VancouverBC is not with us any more. This tragic conclusion is not based on any concrete information that I have but on my analysis of his posts, apparent condition, and history. I very much hope I am wrong. If anyone knows anything about Vancouver, please let us know what happened with him.

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#12

Christ… i hate this shit

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#13

Hey guys, I am still here. I had not logged into the site for a very very long time as I needed to take some time to get out of my head and reorganize my life. I feel terrible that you were left hanging wondering if I was okay. The concern means a lot to me. I hope you are all hanging in there despite the isolation Covid-19 has brought us all.

Since 2012, I have done some significant work to be able to adapt to this condition and I have discovered a number of things that reduce the severity of the symptoms or at least help you cope with them. I would be willing to share what I have learned if anyone is interested.

Anyone else based in the greater Vancouver area?

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#14

Good to hear your alive still fighting this, yeah you should share what has helped you all these years.

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#15

Everybody in here does matter and if anybody feels there is too much weight on him/her, please let others around You know. Let us know as well. Anybody in a bad place - feel free to PM me for support, anytime

“Be strong because things will get better. It may be stormy now, but it never rains forever”

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#16

So very happy you are with us and managing brother
Let’s all stick together and get better ay?

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