So close to suicide

General Discussion
#1

Hi all,

I’ve been trying so hard since crashing exactly 2 months ago to think positively and think there’s a way out of this but I’m coming to the end I think. If anything I’m getting worse each day and I’m beginning to think ill be better off at peace and rid of all this horrendous pain. There’s only so much anxiety, insomnia, brain fog, testicular pain, depression, dry mouth, panic attacks, zombie like state that I can take. I’ve spent the last day or so looking over old pre fin pics on Facebook and the great life I once had and I just think I will never ever get back to that. I’ve had 31 great years on this planet, the last 2 since crashing have finished me off. I live in Newcastle in the UK I will in my suicide note lay it all bare so in death I hope I can stop this drug from ruining more lives.

God bless all of you out there

Paul

3 Likes
#2

New members are all the same,… wait a little bit and dont kill yourself. You will be better.
I have seen many similar posts in the beginning, and now they don’t login or login once per month or so.
Things will become bearable at least.

#3

Many times I felt like you do now and like most of us here from time to time. And thinking about prefin life is always dragging me to that dark place of hopelessness and despair, because only one thing wanders through my mind- I will never get back to that. But, the times they are a changing… Now, after a week or so of feeling notably better, I don’t think it is impossible to recover from this. Simply, I incorporated changes in my diet and i can feel improvements from brain fog to sexual sides. Of course I can’t be speaking of any recovery at this point in time, but I haven’t experienced this much hope for years… I am actually feeling the things are getting better. It seems that most significant changes came from incorporating fermented foods which are rich in probiotics, which reinforced me in the opinion that the problem for me is in the gut… Maybe these are only temporary improvements, but there is hope for all of us and you shouldn’t look away from it.

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#5

Not advocating suicide at all, but if you have already decided that you cannot live with this condition any longer then be sure to do this.

pfsfoundation.org/news/south … n-program/

Please try your hardest not to end your life. Even though this condition sucks, you never know when one of these studies will make a breakthrough. If they can create a drug that can destroy us this bad then they also can create a drug to fix us.

#6

Paul, You are in my prayers and thoughts. You are me 5 years ago.
Today is good day for me. I cherish the good ones and know the really bad ones will pass. The really really bad ones, like the ones your having get fewer and farther between. Be here with us to celebrate when they find a cure. Tlecum

#7

I am still here but after another night of virtually no sleep I just can’t continue like this. I’m getting worse not better if anything I need hope the doctor said even though my testosterone is low they want to wait to see if it increases on its own. It’s brutal I can barely leave the house I’m so anxious

#8

You may want to consider some hydrocortisone, with a higher dose, like 30mg per day (split into 4 doses – 6am 10am 2pm and 6 pm)

also some arimidex your E2 may be high causes major symptoms as well.

#9

Good advice moonman.

My cortisol was very low post-fin.
I had to take adrenal glandular extract for several months to help improve my cortisol levels.

Have not tried arimidex but many on here have reported improvements from it.
Definitely worth a try.

#10

Hang in there buddy!!! We all went through that phase, I crashed hard. Now nearly 4 years later I’m like 80-90-% recovered. I have zest and interest in women etc. gotta give it a few years, I know it sucks but you will ever so slightly get better! Good luck

2 Likes
#11

Dude fight a bit more, I passed a horrible crash too with no sleep, panick attacks etc… It gets better… I took Dogmatil and at the beggining I took a pill for sleep, it made me able to sleep and then I started to leave the pills… Try it or try another tretament for sleep, is the most important thing…Once you start to sleep things gets better…

#12

There’s a way out, don’t despair. You only need to elaborate your situation. The body has the ability to heal, you will need to wait some years MAYBE, maybe less. But in the meantime you will be able to have a normal social life and sex life (with cialis or similar). Many problems in your social life might arise, but this will make you stronger. So Fin is an aberration but at least, once you get better, your life will probably be much better than before fin.

My advice is, accept that you are in now, that there’s no drug or supplement that will heal you, stop worrying and try to live a healthy life. You will get better and probably heal over time as long as you don’t mess up your body further.
It’s normal that when you lose your sexual potency and get other side effects you go in anguish. But this will worsen the situation. The sooner you will set yourself psychologically cool, the sooner you will heal. Do lab test to assess your situation, participate in the studies if you want. But don’t despair. Trust me, I know what I’m saying.

If you want to talk just write me :wink:

#13

Hey Paul

I’m living proof that you can get through this. Check out my profile and you’ll see how bad I was to begin with. I want to reach out to you and ask you to send me a PM. I’m Uk based too and would happily talk to you over the phone or in person from one Paul to another!!!

Don’t do anything harsh that you will live to regret, I came so close that I was arrested and sectioned to save my own sanity from what this god awful drug did to me, but I’m now expecting my 5th child that is due in the next 6 weeks and have just purchased my own home. I didn’t believe for one minute when I crashed 2.5 years ago that I could ever reach the stage I’m at now. I won’t lie to you, the ride your on now is a rough one but you will and can pull through it. Get in touch

Regards Paul

1 Like
#14

By now he’s either done it or he hasn’t. With PFS if you can make it through the first 1-2 years you will see some substantial mental improvements in most cases.

#15

Agree, I am much better then I was when this bullshit started. Do whatever you must to get through this early stage. God Speed.

#16

Hi guys,

I’m still here just. Things are brutal at the moment and I’m praying they get better. How I am functioning at work is beyond me the insomnia brain fog depression and worst of all anxiety is crippling.

Paul tigers hull I sent u a private message , could u get in contact with me?

May god bless us all and find a cure for this hell we are all in

Paul Dixon

#17

I am a firm believer in neuroplasticity (along with many other neurologists), such that when you crash the first few years are extremely difficult as your brains biology literally has to adapt to the new lowered neurosteroid levels.

Since the sexual side effects don’t seem to resolve as much, I suspect this is the only explanation for improvements in cognitive function from the crash. My bloods from 5 years ago are essentially the same in regards to 3adiolG and vitamin D.

I still have PFS just like the day I crashed, but some aspects of my biology have adjusted to make living with the condition more manageable.

On the up side of this… if we ever do figure out how to cure this… when neurosteroids get bumped up again it should all feel to us like being on intense, natural mood enhancers 24-7. It would be like being “high” on life.

#18

I’m almost 10 months post-crash and I what I really feel like I’m still missing is that voice in my head that tells me a cool person. The thing that makes you feel attractive or confident. I’m missing those types of feelings. For lack of a better word, to me it feels likes pfs takes away your swagger. I don’t feel like I deserve to have sex with anyone so it’s like never on my mind. Sorry if that was off topic but do any of you relate to this?

#19

Maybe the lowered neurosteroid levels BP was referring to is the explanation for my post above.

#20

You will feel better. You just have to give it time. I felt a lot like you but after a few years now I feel imo pretty much back to normal. Get your diet right as optimal as possible, get a heavy weightlifting routine going, and maybe try a few supplements like ashwangandha etc to see if they help.

#21

This is probably the most plausible explanation I’ve seen. No one ever really seems to recover…we all just get used to the new hormonal environment and the symptoms become tolerable. I was wondering if this theory is shared by “experts” or this was just something you have come to realize on your own