My story with topical fin

Member Stories
#22

Psychologically not doing well this week. This just feels like endless torture sometimes. It’s starting to wear down on my soul. I don’t have it at bad as others, but nonetheless the trauma is sometimes too much to handle.

I’ve started dreaming about my old life in my sleep. In all my dreams I’m completely normal and living life how it should be lived. Once I wake up I’m hit with the cold, bitter reality of this situation.

I’ll be completely honest, it’s really hard to stay motivated and deliver results at school when I’m in this state. I sometimes worry about how I’m going to earn a living like this.

I go to counseling once a week, but I honestly might stop. It’s just gotten to a point where I’m just going through the motions with it. Though it’s no fault of her own, the counselor doesn’t know how to actually help me.

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#23

Update:

Unsurprisingly, there’s no improvement in regard to sexual symptoms. I still have essentially no sexuality. The status of my anhedonia is pretty much the same: there’s a few things I enjoy (in sort of a different way than before), but I’m nowhere near the person I once was. Generally, I could be worse, all things considered. I’ve started a summer job until school starts back up in the Fall, and I have a good amount of stuff going on to keep myself busy. However, there’s no anticipation for anything, anymore. It’s really just a matter of getting through each day, but I’m grateful that I’m able to function.

As always, I really miss my old life. I sound like a broken record, but I’ll never really come to terms with this. The loss of the ability to feel and connect with music really deeply hurts. It was such a huge part of my life. Similarly, the loss of sexuality and romantic feelings has been a real punch to the gut. I know we’ll figure this situation out eventually and I won’t be like this forever, but at least right now, it’s pretty painful. There’s no shame in admitting this, but I often find myself in tears over the loss of these two aspects of my life in particular. They just sting the most.

That said, I am surviving and getting through each day. Hang in there everyone. Reach out if you need someone to talk to.

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#24

How are you feeling, my friend? How is your sexual life? You can’t get erections no matter what? No pleasure in sex? Viagra works for you? I used topical for 2 weeks in December and still have erectile problems. I need a lot of estimulation to get one and keeping it is hard not to say impossible. Viagra seems to work but not always.

#25

How goes it? You haven’t posted in a while.

#26

Made a stupid mistake and crashed myself after having a major recovery. Head pressure, anhedonia, cognitive issues, sexual issues, the whole lot.

I’m struggling so much right now. May have to move back in with my mom (I just graduated college and am living in my college town for a bit). I’m an atheist in my normal state, but I’m praying and hoping I can get out of this one.

#27

What happened? Are your family aware of your situation?

#28

I used a medication I definitely should not have used after having PFS after being urged by many different people. I’m having brain fog, memory loss, and really bad headaches and anhedonia.

I told my mom but I don’t think she fully believes the severity of it. I don’t know what do to.

#29

what medcine?

#30

Prozac. Yes I know I’m an idiot but I was told by multiple people that it would help with my OCD and that I had nothing to worry about. I believed them.

#31

Fk ssri,How long have you been taking Prozac? I hope you could back to baseline soon

#32

Sorry to hear it. Give yourself some time.

It might be worth showing your mom the materials we have on the website to help explain it.


The video on the front page lays it out.

https://www.pfsnetwork.org/families on this page there’s a pack to download to give to your doctor.

In general there’s good info on the website to browse for people wanting to get a handle on things.

1 Like
#33

Today was better. Started off horribly. Didn’t know if I could make it through.

Then I decided I’m going to control what I can control. Went for a run, lifted some weights, did some push-ups, and made myself a steak with rice and fajitas. Still can’t enjoy music the same, but there were definitely moments where I felt something. Libido still very low, also dealing with ED again. However, I’m working on building a support system and have cut out people who are not willing to support or empathize with me.

2 Likes
#34

Today was tough. Started out okay, but eventually as the day progressed the brain fog, anhedonia, and anxiety got really bad. However, the past couple days I’ve been getting random moments of lightness. The symptoms don’t necessarily dissipate, but for a brief period they’ll become tolerable, as in I’ll go back to 50% of my usual self cognitively. I don’t know if anyone else experiences this and I wonder what causes it. Also, I’m experiencing a lot of penile pain.

Praying that I make it out of this crash as I just started a new relationship and do not want to have to go home. Do not make the mistake I made and take an SSRI. I hope these daily updates help someone, because they definitely help me cope.

1 Like
#35

Struggling again today. Slept for 10 hours last night and am so wiped out already (it’s 7:30). Went to go out for dinner and almost had a panic attack. Tingling in my genitals. Head pressure. Brain fog. Anhedonia.

I’m going to keep fighting but honestly I’m scared to death.

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#36

Another rough day. Muscle twitches started. General feeling of malaise. Nothing else to report but I’m going to keep toughing it out.

#37

In the depths of hell. I owe it to myself to at least try to get through these next 6-7 months (the time it took for me to recover the last time I crashed).

#38

hey, silenceispink.

I fall into pfs half a year ago, and I am 35 years old. Unfortunately, no improvement. Now, I have understood what I can do is only to wait and pray for good luck. At the same time, I have realized my life is over now. All my efforts or thoughts which I have accumulated through my life came to nothing. Because I do not have enough time to rebuild my body and life any more.

silenceispink, you are very young ! At worst, it will take you ten years to accomplish recovery, you are still young. What is more, the power of recovery itself is definitely strong. Don’t be afraid. No need to rush. Believe the power of your body. Good luck!

1 Like
#39

My beard is barely growing in after this Prozac crash. Has anyone else experienced this???

#40

I feel like I’ve died inside

#41

Do you try water fasting?

1 Like