My Story - 21 and dealing with side effects

Member Stories
#141

3pm,
Suggestion about the video:
youtube.com/watch?v=R2z6RK2uTWc

This video is about Gardasil. I think it would catch more attention if you made it about one person. Someone who can prove by lab tests that has become Hypogonadal and the consequenses in daily life, brain fog, mood swings, ED, etc. You wouldn’t have to show the face of the person on the video. I wish i could do one video, but i know nothing about video editing. Still, i am going to try making a video too and post on youtube, i need to do something about this too.

#142

Man, can we relate to that…very moving.

#143

And take a wild guess which pharmaceutical company is responsible for Gardasil? Yep, it’s Merck & Co…

#144

Just a note: I am not recovered; this thread is about a past experience of temporary full recovery. I’ll post updates in my ‘Members Story’ section until I can call myself recovered from Propecia side effects again.

#145

Okay, so its been a while since the Spring when I had my Phenibut recovery, and as many of you know, that unfortunately only lasted one week. So where am I now?

Well I’ve been spending much less time online, mainly because I have reduced attention span after finasteride and have trouble focusing on what I need to do, such as work or school. I’m looking for work and going back to school now. I’m in the midst of insurance changes, and I’m not positive I’ll be able to see the doctor who was helping me, but ultimately I plan on getting a wide scope of tests done to check endocrine function overall, and I will likely try a HPTA restart protocol if that’s the problem. As you can see, no one - not even the head of this community - has made any fantastic strides in treating these side effects, so it is time we saw someone make a move. With me I feel my balls just aren’t working par for the course, so that may be a near-future option.

Anyway I’ve been doing other stuff like drawing lately, a talent of mine which is always good to do - find a hobby that isn’t drowning in this info/problem. I exercise on a bike about 4 or5 days a week for 30 minute, walk everyday, and do anabolics when I can. Of course it’s not the same but I do what I can to keep my body optimal.

That’s the extent of it for now. I hope soon I can say I am going to be trying a treatment, because although I’ve made good strides forward, this is still a horrible problem.

#146

I myself have the ability to draw, mostly cartooning, but I found that when I was at my worst I lost this ability? You haven’t noticed a hit in the creativity dept?

My skills are back to where they once were, but I don’t have the time to draw as work is my main time consuming effort. I’m just curious as to you keeping your drawing ability through all of this…

#147

Thanks for updating this. It’s only fair…

#148

Actually I have. It’s a task to push through, focus and work on it, but I do. Even if I find my work quality to be less-than, others still seem to be impressed. But yes, amen to that; I just work through it.

#149

Minor update - I tried Wellbutrin for 2 weeks; it did nothing. It was like a sugar pill, surprisingly. I can continue on it but I’m not sure I see the point.

I have a new doctor, since I had to change insurance, and he is beyond nuts. The guy didn’t even look at me, spoke in rambling incoherent streams of consciousness, and despite the bupropion and a scant lab referral for T and cortisol (begrudgingly given), he gave me the party line. I can change my PCP, but I expect the same incredulous treatment.

It might be, or seem insignificant, but I’m writing Dr. Crisler. I don’t have the money to visit him, but I could use an endorsement from him telling any future doctors I see that this is a real phenomenon he has dealt with, rather than it just being anecdotal. I’m also going to see if he’ll offer any medical suggestions for my situation.

I’ve been working 6 days a week for around 8 hours, and I’m feeling drained. Having a world of a time fighting brain fog to maintain work relationships, or explain a lapse of memory or slow learning curve.

On a personal note, I really feel quite alone in my (our) struggle to feel vital and healthy since no one really gets why we’re hurting, or can gauge when we’re struggling. My physical appearance is drawing less youthful, and my muscles feel atrophied. Through this all, since I first had this problem and moving on, my bones have grown thicker (especially at the skull), changing my features. Not sure if anyone has had a similar experience or if I’ve mentioned it before, but it’s a big part of this for me. I find it hard to relate to others or enjoy myself around them. There’s no connection. I’ve had to remain off the computer since it’s not mine, and when it comes to this issue, my parents and everyone around me disagrees Propecia could have caused me this claim. It’s a lot easier to say it’s an obsession, or delusion, so that’s what everyone settles for. As different as it’s been to not lounge at a computer investigating my curiosities for over 3 months, it’s highlighted how alone I am, and how different I am from everyone around me who has endurance, quick wit, and think you’re just “having problems” when you lack that. And ever since my last relationship, I feel pretty dismayed at the chances of any girl reconciling this long, drawn out dilemma, and what it affects. I had no idea what I was doing during my prior relationship; I’d say or do whatever, felt led along, and couldn’t do anything to break through brain fog (which was a big problem then for sure). I ruined that one… or these symptoms did, either or. She felt that I never took responsibility for my shortcomings and blamed them on this… I did. I never realized we’re still accountable for ourselves and are expected to go beyond the impairment to be responsible. Lesson learned…

I’m going to see what to do next… Might find a naturopath or something to do a salivary adrenal fatigue test, see what these two tests say (probably nothing much), or see if I her back from Dr. Crisler. Either way I know it will be a while before anything is done about this, and that’s aggravating. I would honestly try HCG myself if I thought that was where the problem was 100%, but there’s a few other areas to look at before I tamper with my HPTA. I seem to have all the hypogonadal symptoms though, so I can’t see how it wouldn’t help me. Then again, I’m not a specialist.

Feedback is appreciated. Let me know what you think…

#150

This is a fantastic sentence. It is so true, although very difficult to accept. Because of the disconnection I some how would always feel that what I was doing or what was happening wasn’t real for some reason. Like it was only practice, or fake. Not realizing that this was my life, and there was nothing fake about it. My strangeness was certainly real for everyone around me. Time goes by and you realize, wow, I’m getting older, fast, and things still seem to stalemate. The relationships you ruin because you can’t keep up, the chances you miss with women because you could care less about fucking them, these are real things. Some how I would dilute myself into thinking, okay, next time, when I feel better. And that next time would never come.

You are right 100%. We are responsible for ourselves to the utmost. We need to do everything we can to get ourselves in better shape. The right diet, the right exercise, supplements, fasting. You can get there, I’m living proof. I know that I will just keep getting better and better as time goes on. Listen, If you want to wait around for Doctors to determine what your life will be, that is a rather unimpowering place to be. Do what you need to now, and if something should happen to come along, then fine. But to sit around and wait for someone else to fix you, well, you will in most cases always be disappointed, and your life will continue to pass you by.

Oh, and try and stay away from the pharmaceuticals man. You’re just playing with fire. They will further stretch you from reality…

#151

The notion that we are still responsible for everything in our lives and making strides to become better people and more productive despite feeling alone, ostracized and not normal is quite daunting and I am starting to realize this myself.

It is truly a tough burden to bare. My parents are very understanding and I think it scares them when I tell them how I feel and that there are people like me that are waaay more fucked up becasue of this drug. I feel so much pressure right now that compounds the grief experienced most days. It is such an intangible thing to deal with. I would gladly accept broken limbs, at least they can be mended and will there is a timetable for healing.

My relationships have suffered because of all this but sometimes you just got to put on a happy face and go about your business which I find extremely difficult.

3pm, I cannot imagine dealing with all the mental side effects as well. It is triuly a testament to your courage to proactively fight this at such a young age…

mike

#152

I can really relate to this. This has no doubt put my life in a different direction, although I am out of the woods so to speak, I felt the same about my parents and how great they have been through all of this. I cannot imagine having them not believe me. They are the people that are always on my side, always. To not have that, man, I really feel for you bro.

3pm, have you showed them the site, with all of the studies? Or do they just choose to zone it out?

#153

Didn’t know if that comment was directed towards me but my parents are 100% behind me and will do anything and help pay for anything I need. The point I was making is that I know it scares them to see me like this and how i feel.

And to know that there are young men experiencing worse probably makes them scared. I know that this situation causes them pain too. It just really sucks.

#154

No Mikey, it was directed towards 3pm, as he said his parents don’t really believe him.

I know what you mean about how the parents feel. Mine would give anything to have me not have to go through all that I have because of this. Numerous fasts, very strict and crazy diets, crazy supplements, and before I knew what the hell it was, just seeing me suffer caused them pain.

Sometimes I would actually feel guilty for being fucked up! That would make it even worse for them.

#155

Cdnuts,

Where did you come up with the idea of the fasts? I don’t think I would ever be able to do that. Everything is so hard as it is.

Yeah I know how you feel about the guilt. That is one of my main obstacles, feeling guilty for putting soo much on other people, feeling guilty about not being a good b/f and friend…

#156

I just started studying what health actually is, and what causes health. Drugs do not cause health, they do the opposite, they lower your natural vitality. I wish I would have studied a bit more, but such is life, there was just no reason for me to study such things before I got all messed up.

I looked at how nature works as a whole. It all works so perfect together. Every animal on this planet eats its food in a raw un-adulterated state. Every animal on this planet has a species specific diet to which it follows and is given everything it needs by this diet. I thought, what is the species specific diet for our species? It doesn’t matter what you think religiously, because when it boils down to it, scientifically we are considered animals of this planet.

The only way I could go on this natural diet was to cleanse myself of all the past mistakes, diet mistakes, and pharmaceutical mistakes. Animals, in nature, when sick, will lie down and cease digestion until they are better. They will not move, not hunt, not do anything, except drink water, which is absolutely necessary for life. This fast helps their body supercharge their immune system and allows them to heal.

For me, I could not do the raw diet until I was absolutely famished, because I just couldn’t choke it down other wise. It wasn’t until I’ve fasted away all of the cooked food residues and other unnatural substances in my system that I could eat, and enjoy, a natural diet. But after a few months the cravings would kick in and I would cave. That was another cleansing cycle that if I would have stayed on, I would have healed even faster. There is a guy on this site that is doing a fantastic job on the raw food diet without fasting. He was too skinny to fast, but he is raw now about 7mos or so and is having basically a new beginning to his life.

Way to go Japanther!

Mikey, you would be surprised what you could do if you put your mind to it. All you have to do is not do anything. Obviously, you would want to do this at a center that is set up correctly, otherwise you just set yourself up for failure. I felt so much better after both my fasts. My mind was clear and calm and everything just worked better, like it should. if your parents are willing to pay for it, you should give it a shot. Three weeks min.

#157

Apologies to 3pm to get off topic for a second but cdnuts, it is just not feasable fro me to do this. I work 5 days a week like most people and cannot go to a “center” to do this. I am in no way denying the improvements you’ve had from this but I don’t see how the two i.e raw food and sexual dysfunction correlate.

I feel like there is something fucked up with me hormonally and thats where the problem lies. I just can’t reconcile how the two interact.

If you feel like further discussing this pm me as not to hijack thread. Again my problems are sexual in nature…

#158

Likewise, I pm’ed you.

#159

I’m not sure if I ever said “here, look”, but they’re 1000% aware of the website and the studies. They just think it’s the internet, and that’s where crazies run wild. And when a lackadaisical doc says I’m fine or it’s a mental thing, they just find that to be the more logical explanation. I don’t really get along with them, and this makes it worse, so… thanks for the support guys.

I tried a raw, or rather vegan diet after fasting during the end of the summer, and it didn’t really work out for me. I ended up feeling more anxious somehow. I’m expending lots of energy now so I need the regular diet to keep me going. But anyway, how are you doing with your sexual symptoms cd? Did you have any anabolic-related endurance problems? If so did they improve?

Thanks for your input so far.

#160

3pm, Hey bro, don’t take this the wrong way, but just listen.

The problem is you can’t try the diet, you have to DO the diet correctly and for the right amount of time before any changes will take place. BOTTOM LINE. The diet can’t, “not work,” got it? That’s like saying the cow can’t survive on grass, or the bird can’t eat bugs or whatever, get it? You’re just conditioned to NOT be used to eating correctly, that’s all. That’s all it can ever be, it can’t be anything else…

Take this example. When we take in animals as pets, we feed them a processed food diet. Hard ass pellets that in no way represent what they would really be consuming in nature. Dessicated, processed and fake, these foods cause our pets to suffer from the same maladies as we do from not eating correctly. That’s why cats and dogs get cancer and diabetes and arthritis in captivity but not nature…IT’S THE DIET.

Now, what does this have to do with you? As I had mentioned to Mikey in a PM, I know that a bad diet didn’t cause our symptoms, but it can do nothing but help us get back to a baseline where we should be operating, that’s the whole point. To be as healthy as you possibly can therefore creating the conditions that are right for healing, THAT’S IT. I know the drug caused us this shit, but it CAN’T HURT to be as healthy as you possibly can so that shit starts working correctly again, THAT’S what it’s about…got it yet?

Stay with me because it will take a while to kind of dawn on you and HIT you like it should. Every species has it’s diet and we have to stay on ours to work correctly, that’s it. Do you know that most people are chronically dehydrated? Do you know why? Incorrect diet. Not enough water rich food to flood our body with the correct amount of lymph fluid and everything else. Water rich foods soaks up through our intestines and hydrates our every cell so that the 100,00 processes that they do at once at the speed of light no doubt can happen in the right medium and the right amount of time. Drinking water will not solve this problem. It doesn’t get to where it need to go. Eating the correct diet will. Do a search and see the ridiculous shit that can happen when you are not hydrated enough.

I know it’s a tough subject to ‘GET’ when we’ve been conditioned so long to think that food has no affect on us and doesn’t matter what we eat. This couldn’t be further from the truth. You are what you eat, on a cellular level, and this truth is the number one factor in the failing health of our nation.

I still think that somehow you aren’t going to get it, or believe it. or whatever, but it’s the absolute truth that diet is KING in everything that has to do with your life.

To answer your question, my sexual sides are getting much, much better and easier to deal with as time goes on as I keep doing the right things and taking the T boosting supps along with the ball zinger that i’ve been religiously wearing for god knows how long already. I can have sex at will whenever I want without fail…That leads me to another subject I broached with Mikey the other day. He asked what diet has to do with sexual function…WHAT?!!, REALLY?, uh, everything, that’s what. You can’t be healthy and have sexual dysfunction at the same time…it’s an impossibility! If you are having sexual problems, guess what? You’re not healthy!! Sex is as natural as breathing and is part of our lives on a very basic level. It’s part of what makes us, us! If this part of you isn’t working, you still have work to do. I know that the drug fucked us up, but the body can heal! We are not static beings! We are constantly moving and flexible, changeable. Do the right thing and the right results will follow…

I hope you can garner some knowledge from this…