My libido is recovering! I am psyched! And the best part, I can almost control my recovery. Like I know exactly what to do to improve. I always wanted to do these exercises because before my big mental crash, when my libido was already low, I already used them to success to recover libido. Just for you to understand: I first lost my libido slowly, then I crashed mentally. I wrote an article on my mental recovery and the details about my PFS here: 100% mental recovery - libido still low
The big problem with meditation after my crash was, that one of my remaining symptoms are muscle twitches in the face. So whenever I sit down to do a quiet meditation and turn awareness towards myself, the twitches get a lot worse, I lose my concentration and it starts hurting after a while. So the meditation I was able to do were movement based which made it easier to move awareness away from the twitches. But the movement meditation didn’t get me to the mental states I wanted to get to and that I had experienced in the past.
To speed things up: I found a way to decrease the twitches and can finally meditate properly again. That was roughly 3 month ago. After two weeks, I suddenly had an increase in libido form one day to another. My libido was at a 1 out of 10 before that. No sensitivity, no brain connection, no desire for sex ever and I was oftentimes unable to orgasm when trying to masturbate because I was just numb. With the first small recovery, I’d say it jumped to a 4 out of 10 that day with a huge improvement in sensitivity. It faded away slowly after and I also didn’t have much time to meditate because of work. So I took two weeks of vacation to focus on my meditation and to prove to myself that mediation and recovery are connected. After 10 days, I had another huge improvement. This time to 6 out of 10. Notably, both these jumps were after a couple of days of meditation followed by a few beers with friends in the evening before the recovery. I am now getting better at the meditation practice and had an increase again. I still have less desire during the day compared to pre-PFS, but sex is almost like it used to be.
I have read a couple of books on meditation, but the method I am solely using is from Loch Kelly: https://www.amazon.com/Shift-into-Freedom-Open-Hearted-Awareness/dp/1622033507
Loch travelled around the world to learn the different meditation practices in different cultures and tried to find the essence of it. This is what he presents in this book. I really recommend the audio book with the guided practice along with the book.
The reason why I believe that this can be a big cornerstone in everyones recovery is that meditation can bring you to states of mind that I hardly had access to after PFS. You can get happier, more relaxed, loving and joyful in an intensity that is almost overwhelming at times. Our brain and body are insanely complex and can produce an enormous amount of hormones and substances. And I strongly believe, that it’s the body and mind that can administer the necessary substance and dosage for recovery. But to do so, it needs to be in the right mental state and this is where meditation comes in. Plus, even if it wouldn’t recover my libido, I would still keep up the practice because it’s the best thing I know to cope with the struggles we have thanks to PFS.
I try to meditate between half an hour to an hour a day. Having several smaller sessions is better than having one big session. In addition, I exercise every day, doing either 100 weighted push-ups or 100 pull-ups divided over 5 sessions throughout the day.
The only supplement I am taking is whey- and casein protein shakes to support my exercising.
I will keep you updated on my progress and wish everyone all the best for their own recovery.