Lexapro 2012 / Risperdal 2017

I think my previous topic like this got removed for being unhelpful because it was incomplete? Anyhow I feel like I should complete it like everyone else, since I’m in a better mood at the moment. I won’t follow the format strictly because I want to go into more detail than it allows, and also I’m describing two simultaneous syndromes caused by two different drugs which complicates things.

Welcome to our community. Please fill in the following template as a way of introducing yourself, and helping others to understand your background and situation.

Where are you from (country)?


How did you find this forum (Google search – if so, what search terms? Via link from a forum or website – if so, what page? Other?)

Google search

What is your current age, height, weight?

30, 5’09", 175 lbs.

What specific drug did you use (finasteride, dutasteride, saw palmetto, isotretinoin/Accutane, fluoxetine, sertraline, citalopram, leuprorelin, etc…)?


What dose did you take (eg. 1 mg/day, 1 mg every other day etc.)?

10 mg/day

What condition was being treated with the drug?

Officially, social anxiety. The real reason is I came across a poster on bluelight.ru in high school that said it made them better with girls, like alcohol. But I didn’t think my doctor would have accepted that reason.

For how long did you take the drug (weeks/months/years)?

*Close to a year

How old were you, and WHEN (date) did you start the drug?

About 18, second half of 2011

How old were you when you quit, and WHEN (date) did you quit?

About 18, mid-2012

How did you quit (cold turkey or taper off)?

Cold turkey. Tried reinstating a few days later to taper off since the effects of quitting were worse than I thought, but it didn’t restore me back to my on-drug baseline or help at all, so I didn’t do that very long.

How long into your usage did you notice the onset of side effects?

Technically I noticed some sort of side effect, it may have been bruxism, but also definitely a certain aura, within 7 seconds of swallowing the pills on an empty stomach, followed by intense anxiety and derealization for all of the first 3 days. These went away completely, and I put up with them because I read on the internet that they are expected to make you feel worse at first.

A few weeks in I noticed that certain things that used to make me anxious, only provoked a very blunted anxiety effect. I felt like I was a master of my own emotions. This was exactly what I hoped for.

Unfortunately, what I did not realize until months later, was that every emotion was becoming blunted, especially the most profound ones. My primary motivation for quitting was my realization that I was completely incapable of experiencing limerence. I also became bored with my life in general and did some out-of-character things just to make my life more interesting.

What side effects did you experience upon quitting?

[X] Anhedonia (Zero pleasurable response to any recreational drug, food, drink, or the opposite sex - steady for 1 month before recovery began)
[X] Genital Anesthesia
[X] Lactose Intolerance
[X] Panic Attacks (every morning for several hours beginning as soon as anhedonia started to wear off, from July decreasing in intensity until the last one in October)
[X] Unnatural Social Anxiety (unnatural, because of a quality I had never experienced before - less of a nervous type and more of an intense repulsion, cringy, and awkward feeling, making it feel forced to look anyone in the eye, even those closest to me)
[X] Parkinsonian Freezing
[X] Strained Voice (mild)
[X] Random, prolonged attacks of CFS beginning in November 2012 and ending before 2015
[X] POIS (worsening of every symptom, plus additional ones like aphasia, for a period of time after O - this period began at 2 weeks long accompanied by a vague feeling of being sick)
[X] Brain Zaps (did not occur until 2017 and only happened a few times)
[X] Loss of body odor
[X] Feeling chills (like from good music) in only one half of my head and body
[x] Loss of ambient feelings (e.g. leaving a dark room to go out into the sunlight did not feel any differnet)

What side effects did you experience that have yet to resolve since discontinuation?

All have resolved completely except for the unnatural social anxiety, strained voice, and post-O fatigue, now only lasting a few hours.

What (if any) treatments have you undertaken to recover from your side effects since discontinuation of the drug?

The only one that felt worth continuing the entire 9 years without skipping a day has been energy drinks.

What specific drug did you use (finasteride, dutasteride, saw palmetto, isotretinoin/Accutane, fluoxetine, sertraline, citalopram, leuprorelin, etc…)?

Risperdal, Invega

What dose did you take (eg. 1 mg/day, 1 mg every other day etc.)?

Daily Risperdal for 2 weeks, followed by a single 6-month long-acting Invega shot.

For how long did you take the drug (weeks/months/years)?

Daily Risperdal 2 weeks, Invega one 6-month shot

How old were you, and WHEN (date) did you start the drug?

Mid-20s, 2017

How old were you when you quit, and WHEN (date) did you quit?

Mid-20s, 2017

How long into your usage did you notice the onset of side effects?

[X] Akathisia virtually immediately
[X] Complete impotence noticed a few days later

What side effects did you experience upon quitting?

Nothing changed upon quitting, except for symptoms continuing to worsen for weeks afterwards before very slowly starting to wane (while fluctuating erratically). Not until the impotence started to go away was it possible to notice the horrifying appearance of a certain instrument. Peyronie’s is an understatement. A twisted, misshapen, and miscolored branch with kinks (hourglass shape), curves, and sharp turns would be more accurate. Additionally:

[x] SGS
[x] White blotches on the head
[x] Pleasureless O
[x] Loss of pleasurable sensation (to be distinguished from anesthesia)
[x] Reduced (sometimes killed) libido
[x] Loss of mind-penis connection
[x] Occasional periods of PAD, which ironically is unpleasant
[x] Lots of other things in this area that I’ve read others have also, but they are uncomfortable to write out and I would never finish this post if I listed them all
[x] Worsened voice strain / difficult modulation
[x] Confusion
[x] Blurry vision
[x] Unnatural gait
[x] Inability to sustain physical exertion
[x] Inability to maintain a train of thought
[x] Inability to articulate an entire thought
[x] Slurring of Speech
[x] Feeling of suffocation without outward symptoms like fast breathing (feeling like I had been holding my breath for 2 minutes, but stuck in that feeling for 2 hours every day for months).

Notable symptoms I do NOT have (or are not significant enough to be certain about) include:

[x] Difficulty building muscle
[x] Hair loss
[x] Basically any cosmetic issue apart from those already mentioned

If I could briefly describe the main difference in the type of anhedonia induced by Lexapro versus that of the anti-psychotics, it is that with the former, I still experienced pleasure but simply did not enjoy it, as confusing as that may sound. Plus my dick worked fine.

P.S. Partly so I don’t forget, I want to write something else, because it’s easy to lose track of how bad things are compared to now as time goes on. During the worst of Lexapro-anhedonia, I remember thinking that I’d prefer to be a paraplegic for the duration. But during the worst of Invega-akathisia, someone who isn’t me would have accepted being literally crucified three times in a row not even to resume a normal life, but to be able to die.

P.P.S. Last bad akathisia episode was in July of last year. I am significantly better now but still not functional.

P.P.P.S. The only thing that ever cured the akathisia 100% was becoming unconscious via hyperventilation, upon waking up from which there was a brief respite of a few seconds. Even better if a dream occured granting the illusion that sleep has lasted hours.

But this suffered severely from diminishing returns and became just a nausea-inducer after the 5th or so attempt.

Not recommended at all. Possible side-effects may include falling down the wrong way and hitting your head causing death or worse.

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Thank you for telling us your story @anon80401129 ! Looks like you’ve through quite an ordeal. I hope you can use this thread to keep the community posted about how you’re doing and about any progress (or setbacks) you’re experiencing. Welcome!


In witch state do you poor boy live with akastasia and all the other mental and sexuell symptoms. Are you still working, doing your house hold and exercising in gym or are you staying at home?

How do you with this many and severe symptoms motivate yourself to stand up and make your day

I ask because I m only lacking motivation to stand up and make my day. If you’re able, I can learn a lot of motivation.


9 years ago after reading reports at the now-defunct paxilprogress site, when I had just came down with the post-Lexapro issues, I determined to learn from their mistakes and:

  • Get out of bed in the morning, practice good hygeine, and exercise no matter how bad I felt
  • Not burn any bridges

If the first point was impossible, I’d make up for it when I can. I had inspirational gym buddies at the time, and when I’m feeling defeated I still try to conjur up memories of them yelling at me and saying I’m a bitch if I don’t pick up that weight. Good times :sob:

I can’t say that always works, and have to admit that during the worst of akathisia especially, only an involuntary survival instinct kept me from ending the struggle.

Somehow I’ve not burnt any bridges even though I’ve done things that I thought would, but I’m very grateful that I have friendships I may be able to resume if I get out of this mess.

It also helps that I currently live with family that aren’t very demanding, and I have a home gym.

I do make money, but not much, and last time I had a real job was when this first started. And I quit soon after.

Occasionally I help my parents with their job, but it is extremely undemanding and requires neither mental nor physical exertion.

I am experiencing what I think is dyslexia for the first time in my life, clearly from the herbs I’m taking. This is rather terrifying and I am swearing them off for the time being. I don’t know what kind of dyslexia it is, but I am having issues distinguishing where one word begins and another ends, even though you’d think the spaces between would help. Yikes.

I see my doctor tomorrow to inquire about bloodwork and hormone therapy. I will mention the fact that when I was given Invega, they warned about possible gynecomastia.

To elaborate, I am programming and I wrote down the word “tolerance” then stared at it trying to figure out what “lerance” means. This happened several times in 5 minutes and that’s why I posted this. I have never experienced this before.

This morning I sprinkled some fenugreek into my “SleepyTime” herbal tea, and as soon as I drank it it hit me with an off feeling.

I also took French maritime bark extract yesterday for the first time (1 capsule), and 2 capsules today.

So probably one of those things is giving me dyslexia. Although I have taken random mixtures of like 10 herbs several times over the past few weeks. So can’t be sure.


I just remembered, I took 15g of inositol for 3 days in a row. I intended to continue for a month but read about two people (here’s one) getting dyslexia from doing that. That was maybe 3 days ago. Crap.

Upon further reflection I believe the issue is my brain was getting confused whenever it saw a word that begins with another word. “tolerance” was interpreted as “to lerance”, for example.

I will be absolutely elated if this does not occur again. Although, I must acknowledge that other people’s bodies have begin physically falling apart as a result of their experiments. So maybe a little dyslexia isn’t so bad.

This is a known 5ARI. It’s generally not recommended for anyone with our issues.

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Interesting, I had to google what a 5ARI is. That does sound extremely dangerous, and must be to certain people. But fenugreek is ultimately what led me here; it led me to try other herbs, and I believe it was while googling for them I found a thread on this site where I realized I practically I have PFS.

I tried it years ago for the Lexapro thing, and it didn’t do much besides increase output volume (a friend confirmed it worked the same for them). I came across that ancient bottle a few months ago and in desperation, downed a handful of capsules. Specifically, seven, when previously I had never tried more than two.

Within the hour I spontaneously came alive down there without deformity, at 90%.

I repeated the experiment again the next day with greater success; on an empty stomach, it only took 20 minutes.

It also improved my voice, and this made me realize that I must have a misunderstanding of how hormones affect the voice. I had always thought it was the structure of your vocal organs formed during puberty that determined the pitch. But this can’t be the only factor if my voice deepens and becomes less strained within 12 hours. I’ve seen someone else report the same thing.

It also improved my gait, and the positive effects didn’t wear off much before I ran out a few weeks later.

I’ve been taking some almost every day since I got more, and tried many different brands. Never been able to recreate the same success, but overall the effects have been positive. I thought it had stopped working, and at one point kept raising the dose until my pupils turned into saucers and I felt ill, but it became effective again when I reduced it down to less than a single capsule.

The spontaneity specifically never returned. But it didn’t improve the pleasureless climax anyway, so it seemed like the hope it’s inspired me with has been more important than the actual effects.

It’s very unreliable, but generally speaking has helped. The only concerning side-effect I’ve experienced is occasional nipple itching.

Also, when taken in combination with a certain green-colored plant, it causes this bizarre effect described in the first paragraph of this post by @DHT.

EDIT: I can’t believe I almost forgot to add:

Before Invega I had a wet dream every night. My last wet dream had been the day after the injection. I’ve only had one since, and that was morning after that first handful of fenugreek.

Drew blood today, not sure how long before I get the results.

I want to document that I woke up feeling maybe twice as good as I’ve ever felt since Invega.

No dyslexia like yesterday. I think I dodged a bullet by quitting the inositol after only 3 days instead of 4 weeks like I originally intended.

So I just performed that most scientific of all experiments (n=1 not 2 unfortunately) twice in succession and it was very anti-climactic. The relevant muscles barely worked at all. It seemed like a lot of output with almost nothing outputted, and now I have blue balls except deeper than my actual balls.

Also, my dick ended the experiment strongly identifying as a rubber garden hose, whereas just before it strongly identified as a 160 degree angle. I believe it is confused. On the bright side, my mood is still good enough to joke about the sorry state of my own penis. And being mentally functional is more important than otherwise. I never had the opportunity to know exactly what I’ve been missing out on the past 9 years, anyway.

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Keep us updated on your insoitol use! It caused a crash in me and caused dyslexia for me as well

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My bloodwork results have a lot of stuff, but here is what I figured is most relevant. I was told everything is normal except vitamin D, although I don’t see “Vitamin D” in the results.

Creatinine 1.0 mg/dL
Cholesterol 124.0 mg/dL
Triglycerides 52.0 mg/dL
HDL Cholesterol 49.3 mg/dL
LDL 64.0 calculated
TSH3 3.94 mIU/mL
Free T3 4.0 pg/mL
Free T4 1.15 ng/dL
FOLW >24.00 ng/mL
Cortisol 21.0 ug/dL
SHBG 23.2
Testosterone 440.6 ng/dL
Free Testosterone % 66.3 calculated
Free PSA 0.27 ng/mL
PSA 0.78 ng/mL
DHEA-S 610.5 ug/dL
hGH2 1.118 ng/mL
LH 6.48 mIU/mL
Estradiol 20.8 pg/mL
Progesterone 1.86 ng/mL
Prolactin 18.70 ng/mL

I replied in a private message but for the record, the dyslexia didn’t last more than 30 minutes and hasn’t come back.

Your TSH is in borderline hypothyroid territory.

DHEA-S is high.

Estradiol borderline low.

Progesterone is also way high.

Prolactin is slightly out of top range.

I had to convert everything because USA refuse to use international metrics for some reason. So I might have made some miscalculations but I don’t think so.

They didn’t give you any reference ranges?

Edit: Cortisol also slightly above range.

I found the Vitamin D entry. Here’s everything marked “high” or “low”:

Name Result Flag
Vitamin D 25-Hydroxy 26.8 ng/mL Low
hGH2 1.118 ng/mL High
Prolactin 18.70 ng/mL High

Off-topic, but I want to note that the curvature and other deformations I described can be “fixed” manually at about 80%, but at >95% they correct themselves.

Also I know I swore off herbs earlier but I figured the dyslexia had to be from either the inositol or French maritime pine bark extract, and I wanted to recreate the previous couple of short-lived successes, particularly of the anorgasmia, so I again tried less than a capsule full of each of the following:

  • Tribulus
  • Tongkat Ali
  • Muira Puama
  • HGW
  • Fenugreek
  • Maca
  • Cordyceps

Not a success. After a few hours I took the same thing again, and all I got was deep despair.

I also came across a Reddit post where nipple itching was described as one step away form gyno, and that scared me a lot because I was thinking that morning that my nipples might have looked slightly bigger, so I think I won’t touch any of these, especially the fenugreek, ever again. For real this time.

In the interests of transparency, I may have randomly subtracted or added 1 to the least significant digit of some of the results. I feel more comfortable posting my results that way and I don’t think it makes a relevant difference.

Name Result Units Reference Range
TSH3 3.94 mIU/mL 0.34 - 5.6
DHEA-S 610.5 ug/dL 85 - 690
Estradiol 20.8 pg/mL none
Progesterone 1.86 ng/mL 0.14 - 2.06
Prolactin 18.70 ng/mL 2.64 - 13.13
Cortisol 21.0 ug/dL none

Thanks for the pointers, I will do some more research on these specifically. In the meantime if anyone has any suggestions on how to correct anything that needs correcting, preferablly “naturally”, that would be great.

I hope the aforementioned herbs didn’t affect my results too much.

According to my Google searches, it seems that:

  • A high TSH3 would be 4 (mine: 3.94)

  • High DHEA-S would be 640 (mine: 610.5)

  • High estradiol would be 50 (mine: 20.8)

  • High progesterone would be 0.9 (mine: 1.86)

  • High prolactin would be 20 (mine: 18.70).

  • High cortisol would be 20 (mine: 21.0)

Just as I reference, the ranges I used are from Swedens best university hospital where I got my blood tested (Karolinska).

TSH <4.2

DHEA-S <450

Estradiol <40

Progesterone <0.16

Prolactin <15

Cortisol (7-10 AM fasted) <20

It can vary depending on what testing method they use though, so generally speaking it’s best to use the reference ranges they provide (if they’re a legit lab).

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Is that a typo? My progesterone is 1.86, almost 12x higher.

I don’t think so, Karolinska has the refence range for males to <0.47 nmol/L.

Using this converter that equals to 0.1478 ng/mL.

But to be fair my local lab has the ref <2 nmol/L which equals 0.63 ng/mL.