I think my previous topic like this got removed for being unhelpful because it was incomplete? Anyhow I feel like I should complete it like everyone else, since I’m in a better mood at the moment. I won’t follow the format strictly because I want to go into more detail than it allows, and also I’m describing two simultaneous syndromes caused by two different drugs which complicates things.
Welcome to our community. Please fill in the following template as a way of introducing yourself, and helping others to understand your background and situation.
Where are you from (country)?
USA
How did you find this forum (Google search – if so, what search terms? Via link from a forum or website – if so, what page? Other?)
Google search
What is your current age, height, weight?
30, 5’09", 175 lbs.
What specific drug did you use (finasteride, dutasteride, saw palmetto, isotretinoin/Accutane, fluoxetine, sertraline, citalopram, leuprorelin, etc…)?
Lexapro
What dose did you take (eg. 1 mg/day, 1 mg every other day etc.)?
10 mg/day
What condition was being treated with the drug?
Officially, social anxiety. The real reason is I came across a poster on bluelight.ru in high school that said it made them better with girls, like alcohol. But I didn’t think my doctor would have accepted that reason.
For how long did you take the drug (weeks/months/years)?
*Close to a year
How old were you, and WHEN (date) did you start the drug?
About 18, second half of 2011
How old were you when you quit, and WHEN (date) did you quit?
About 18, mid-2012
How did you quit (cold turkey or taper off)?
Cold turkey. Tried reinstating a few days later to taper off since the effects of quitting were worse than I thought, but it didn’t restore me back to my on-drug baseline or help at all, so I didn’t do that very long.
How long into your usage did you notice the onset of side effects?
Technically I noticed some sort of side effect, it may have been bruxism, but also definitely a certain aura, within 7 seconds of swallowing the pills on an empty stomach, followed by intense anxiety and derealization for all of the first 3 days. These went away completely, and I put up with them because I read on the internet that they are expected to make you feel worse at first.
A few weeks in I noticed that certain things that used to make me anxious, only provoked a very blunted anxiety effect. I felt like I was a master of my own emotions. This was exactly what I hoped for.
Unfortunately, what I did not realize until months later, was that every emotion was becoming blunted, especially the most profound ones. My primary motivation for quitting was my realization that I was completely incapable of experiencing limerence. I also became bored with my life in general and did some out-of-character things just to make my life more interesting.
What side effects did you experience upon quitting?
[X] Anhedonia (Zero pleasurable response to any recreational drug, food, drink, or the opposite sex - steady for 1 month before recovery began)
[X] Genital Anesthesia
[X] Lactose Intolerance
[X] Panic Attacks (every morning for several hours beginning as soon as anhedonia started to wear off, from July decreasing in intensity until the last one in October)
[X] Unnatural Social Anxiety (unnatural, because of a quality I had never experienced before - less of a nervous type and more of an intense repulsion, cringy, and awkward feeling, making it feel forced to look anyone in the eye, even those closest to me)
[X] Parkinsonian Freezing
[X] Strained Voice (mild)
[X] Random, prolonged attacks of CFS beginning in November 2012 and ending before 2015
[X] POIS (worsening of every symptom, plus additional ones like aphasia, for a period of time after O - this period began at 2 weeks long accompanied by a vague feeling of being sick)
[X] Brain Zaps (did not occur until 2017 and only happened a few times)
[X] Loss of body odor
[X] Feeling chills (like from good music) in only one half of my head and body
[x] Loss of ambient feelings (e.g. leaving a dark room to go out into the sunlight did not feel any differnet)
What side effects did you experience that have yet to resolve since discontinuation?
All have resolved completely except for the unnatural social anxiety, strained voice, and post-O fatigue, now only lasting a few hours.
What (if any) treatments have you undertaken to recover from your side effects since discontinuation of the drug?
The only one that felt worth continuing the entire 9 years without skipping a day has been energy drinks.
What specific drug did you use (finasteride, dutasteride, saw palmetto, isotretinoin/Accutane, fluoxetine, sertraline, citalopram, leuprorelin, etc…)?
Risperdal, Invega
What dose did you take (eg. 1 mg/day, 1 mg every other day etc.)?
Daily Risperdal for 2 weeks, followed by a single 6-month long-acting Invega shot.
For how long did you take the drug (weeks/months/years)?
Daily Risperdal 2 weeks, Invega one 6-month shot
How old were you, and WHEN (date) did you start the drug?
Mid-20s, 2017
How old were you when you quit, and WHEN (date) did you quit?
Mid-20s, 2017
How long into your usage did you notice the onset of side effects?
[X] Akathisia virtually immediately
[X] Complete impotence noticed a few days later
What side effects did you experience upon quitting?
Nothing changed upon quitting, except for symptoms continuing to worsen for weeks afterwards before very slowly starting to wane (while fluctuating erratically). Not until the impotence started to go away was it possible to notice the horrifying appearance of a certain instrument. Peyronie’s is an understatement. A twisted, misshapen, and miscolored branch with kinks (hourglass shape), curves, and sharp turns would be more accurate. Additionally:
[x] SGS
[x] White blotches on the head
[x] Pleasureless O
[x] Loss of pleasurable sensation (to be distinguished from anesthesia)
[x] Reduced (sometimes killed) libido
[x] Loss of mind-penis connection
[x] Occasional periods of PAD, which ironically is unpleasant
[x] Lots of other things in this area that I’ve read others have also, but they are uncomfortable to write out and I would never finish this post if I listed them all
[x] Worsened voice strain / difficult modulation
[x] Confusion
[x] Blurry vision
[x] Unnatural gait
[x] Inability to sustain physical exertion
[x] Inability to maintain a train of thought
[x] Inability to articulate an entire thought
[x] Slurring of Speech
[x] Feeling of suffocation without outward symptoms like fast breathing (feeling like I had been holding my breath for 2 minutes, but stuck in that feeling for 2 hours every day for months).
Notable symptoms I do NOT have (or are not significant enough to be certain about) include:
[x] Difficulty building muscle
[x] Hair loss
[x] Basically any cosmetic issue apart from those already mentioned
If I could briefly describe the main difference in the type of anhedonia induced by Lexapro versus that of the anti-psychotics, it is that with the former, I still experienced pleasure but simply did not enjoy it, as confusing as that may sound. Plus my dick worked fine.
P.S. Partly so I don’t forget, I want to write something else, because it’s easy to lose track of how bad things are compared to now as time goes on. During the worst of Lexapro-anhedonia, I remember thinking that I’d prefer to be a paraplegic for the duration. But during the worst of Invega-akathisia, someone who isn’t me would have accepted being literally crucified three times in a row not even to resume a normal life, but to be able to die.
P.P.S. Last bad akathisia episode was in July of last year. I am significantly better now but still not functional.
P.P.P.S. The only thing that ever cured the akathisia 100% was becoming unconscious via hyperventilation, upon waking up from which there was a brief respite of a few seconds. Even better if a dream occured granting the illusion that sleep has lasted hours.
But this suffered severely from diminishing returns and became just a nausea-inducer after the 5th or so attempt.
Not recommended at all. Possible side-effects may include falling down the wrong way and hitting your head causing death or worse.
