I have always thought that if we remain anonymous, hidden behind an avatar on a forum, we will never have credibility, people do not feel empathy for us. My level of suffering is such that I no longer worry about maintaining anonymity, on the contrary, with people I speak freely of my problem “Post endocrine, so I have devimdisruption syndrome” and so, I decided to become a real person and stop being an avatar. I introduce myself, my name is Emanuele Razionale, i’m 26 and I come from southern Italy (Calabria). I have always been a lively boy, the most smiling of my company. I have always practiced free body sports and my greatest passions are cars, the Gaming computer and hardware and electronics. I have always been very alert to my peers and always been hyperactive. They always work, at least 12 hours a day. I often happened to do double work. The syndrome has made me the shadow of the ghost of myself, my symptoms have led me to a level of mental confusion that makes it difficult to think. I hope not to remain alone on this thread and to become more and more “real people”
My name is Ryan, I’m 28 and from Northern Ireland. Before finasteride I was lively, hyperactive, full of energy and loved to have fun, I loved History, gaming and MMA. I took pride in my physique working out 4 days a week and playing football once or twice per week and took real good care of myself. I was travelling the world just before this incident took place going from country to country taking time out of my busy life to finally see the world and check off a few ticks from my bucket list. This condition has taken away everything- love, happiness, pleasure, health but one thing it hasn’t taken away is sadness, I mourn the person I used to be, I look in the mirror and barely recognise my own reflection, it’s like looking at someone who is a self confessed crack addict, I have lost the ability to foresee a happy future where I’m laughing like my old self- this has been replaced by frequent suicide ideations that are completely out of character, almost like I have lost my soul. I reflect on my current health issues and think back to times of childhood when life was much more simpler, when looks weren’t important, when social media didn’t exist, when buying dangerous pharmaceuticals like finasteride online didn’t exist, when my Dad would carry me on his shoulders and he’d be the the tallest man in the world, when flying down grass slides with friends covered to the neck in mud stains these are just some of the memories that make me smile but hurt me all the same because I never really stopped and appreciated life like I do now and realise just how precious it is.
This is cute. I’m 31 from Australia, my name is Kirby. I. was inflicted when I was 21 and had a violent reaction to lexapro and lost a good 75% of my positive emotions. Lexapro was only prescribed for a panic attack. I’m not a depressive person so I moved on and lived as best I could with what I had. This of course only after experiencing things getting violently worse with anything that increased or decreased dopamine. I travelled the world because always felt a timer on my life. I feel like I would mess things up at least once a year to make my condition worse (dopamine is harder to avoid than androgens). I love animals, I’ve volunteered in Costa Rica and America. I used to love music but could only listen for a short time before effecting my condition. I love live music! I’m obsessed with horror movies. I’ve always been an introvert and shy, but like to let loose around my friends. My sense of humour defines me, I’m never not laughing or smiling even after all I’ve been through and how blunted I’ve been. I’d kill for a second chance but with this insomnia I’ve experienced over the last 2 months, everything I had left has disappeared. My brain feels fucked beyond saving. I’m not working and haven’t replied to anyone for the last 2 months. I’ve accepted my life is over. I hope this kills me because suicide is not me. I wanted to have kids, get my own house, explore, love, laugh. Now theres nothing. What a waste of me.
I wont share my name, and it doesn’t even matter because I don’t associate with my old self anyway but I will try to explain briefly the life I had which I took for granted. The old me was a nervous guy who worried about things that in reality were so minimal and should have been meaningless. Still, the old me was quite happy and thought the world was my oyster. I’d sing in the shower every morning, record music as part of my creative journies, read books on philosophy, pursue my career ambitions, and feel at peace when I went outside on a hot summer day or looked at the sun come in through my window. I was a latte bloomer and didn’t make love to a girl until I was 26, and up to that point I was becoming more and more confident with myself and was finally coming out of my shell. Being with a girl was magic and I felt that I was in the highest heavens. Within only a few months after this, I sank into the abyss as saw palmetto side effects destroyed my happiness, libido, and great desire to succeed in life and find the girl of my dreams to start a family with. I call the new me a “fighter” or “Rocky”. Life is very very hard and I feel hopeless every day, but I still fight on nonetheless and will try to take back what was stolen from me. Every set of deadlifts and squats I do at the gym, I say to myself in my mind and under my breath, “this one’s for the guys”. I feel like I’m not just fighting for myself, but fighting for all of us.
We created a community project that embodies what this post is all about: talking about how PFS has effected us as human beings. We’re looking for guys to record themselves detailing their experience with PFS. We’ve created a template for it, and the information regarding it can be found below:
@Jaime I can’t speak English, I use translator
@bunny88 I congratulate you, you really are a beautiful girl. It is so unfair.
Do it in Italian. We could subtitle it into English as well.
Cheers but I’m essentially a zombie so I can’t appreciate compliments much
Cool idea! I took lexapro but I think it’s a great way to get it out there. Have definitely thought about putting something out there at times!
Just letting you know you’re all braver than me. Much much respect, and btw you’re all gorgeous! Sheesh…
Sawproblemo you’re probably gorgeous too.
Great thread for those who feel able to share, and do note our youtube project.
Agree with @jinstewart - Gorgeous and, importantly, very valuable people. Don’t let anybody make any of you feel you’re not - truth is on our side
Also…crikey that wolf tho
(More animal pics pls)
Jin you can be brave too! We arn’t the ones that should be ashamed. All the professionals and family that didn’t believe should be ashamed! We need to be seen and heard, not embarrassed. Hopefully you will join us gorgeous people one day.
Your memories break my heart I have so many moments looking back like this. I also feel like a self confessed crack addict when I look in the mirror. Sad thing is they have it way better. You totally look like a friend of mine.
haha crikey for sure. Ok I’ll swap for your share axo
I do not participate in the project because, honestly, I consider most of the administrators of the hypocrites. I don’t feel part of a community. I already know that I will die, but I don’t want to become a martyr for PH.
If someone’s career were to be put at risk and they don’t deem the potential benefit worth risking it over when they’ve got dependents to support, I don’t think it’s right for us to judge them for picking the people they love (such as their kids, spouses, etc.) over themselves and other people suffering. It’s a complicated situation for some I guess.
Well, I’m sorry to hear of your low opinion of the admins, and I assume the moderators.
Everyone here is the same, all struck down with something they didn’t deserve and we’re all just trying our best.
If you want to help, we’d love to have you help.
Bunny, just a quick response to you, have you ever tried magic mushrooms? Some guy here said he got his emotions back with using it. You might want to do a research on Psilocybin mushrooms and dopamine relation. Your story broke my heart, hope you find a way to get your emotions back.
Thanks Cooper, but increasing dopamine actually harms me. So does decreasing it. There’s a problem at the receptor that mirrors the way PFS has effected the androgen receptors. Like same mechanism different receptor. I’ve had 10 years experience of my brain responding incorrectly, enough to know what I should be staying well away from.
Why do you feel this way?