Keeping up despite embarrassed but lots of sided did ease despite me deciding they were perm. It's always better to just give it a week at least when in tragedy

General Discussion
#1

EDIT: A lot of these symptoms like the joint pain eased! Unfortunately I had eye tests and colour blindness did not ease and nothing was picked up which would cause that still perfect acuity. I would say the brain fog also has significantly reduced since when I wrote this message. Only thing long standing has been reduced ability to distinguish red and green (the difference is so subtle I even pass colour blind tests somehow I notice it’s there for sure some anime scenes look different although it’s gotten slightly better I fear yeah unfortunately its gonna be a perm side. I feel so guilty for doing this to you guys, I’m so sorry. I never should have made you all so concerned.

Ive gotten so much worse. So much worse. Its chronic pain, no libido even after DHT steroids and trying meth, all my joints are fucked. Im in pain 247 and nothing is turning back on.

Pfs is autoimmune any time i seem to feel good i get a massive headache and a rash then boom way worse. Now im in pain constantly. I’m definitely brain damaged I can’t even think right anymore, articulate or just constantly losing stuff. I get severe burning on my neck and pain back of my right leg and wrists/fingers.

I started to develop colourblindness. Yes you fucking heard that right. Colourblindness. Imagine being able to see colours and then optic neuritis takes that away, red and green are fucking bland if I can identify them at all… They were two of the most beautiful colours I’d ever seen. Now they’re dull if I can identify it at all. Imagine how much this crushed me as a weeb who likes anime.

Libido is trashed, mood constantly trashed. Drugs trash your system more. PFS doesn’t like anything, you’ll feel better for a few days and then crash harder than ever before. No more androgenic activity or some immune response goes off it seems. I definitely gave myself severe PFS from mild.

I’ve attempted suicide twice, failed because i’m a failure at everything including even reading about a hairloss medicine before taking it, then I’ve gone and fucked up my whole life. Family kicked me out because PFS is too much to deal with. For me personally. This is my goodbye to everyone here and please find a cure and save people.

I’ll see you in paradise/hell if such a thing exists. I’m sorry I couldn’t be stronger, I was weak in the end trying to act strong. I didn’t even give it enough time to stabilise before deciding how I felt. You were all right, if that makes you happy so be it. I’m not happy anymore. Ever. Even with friends.

I wont fail this time, I’m taking control of an uncontrollable situation. I love you guys for even fighting PFS and fighting with me for the short time I had it, I can’t handle it. I’ll admit it. I’m a weak minded individual who deserves this and brought pain upon his own family and so evil his final act will destroy all his friends… Tell them about PFS they’re all heartbroken. Yet I’m still going through with it to ease my suffering? How evil…

Please cure this shit fast, or get rid of fin. I had a good life. Its now a awful one. I will show you who is the boss PFS when you have no body left to operate in.

Been on too much of a philosphical journey lately, if theres a god/gods just have mercy on me. I’m terrified of him/them, I spent an hour begging straight just to be fixed. If they can do this to me then what else?

This is the final post you’ll ever see from Junkieasteride, another victim of Mercks sick medicine. All the constantly being sick, trying to get better, destroying my friends/family, I just am sick of it. I’m sick of living. 2 months ago before fin I’d have told you life is beauitiful now I’m tired and i’m taking a permanent nap. There’s no point in carrying on, there isn’t an end in sight is there?

Someone. Someday. Soon. Save us. Not for me. I’ve lost. For the future me’s that suffer similarly.

For the record: You will get worse if you use proviron, mast and even methamphetamines all combined to boost your libido for two days. STAY AWAY. Not even the powerfullest libido boosters beat PFS.

Im sorry but at least i said goodbye right? Forced into suicide. What a joke. I feel evil.

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#2

Stop bro this is not you. Take a ice cold shower first before you attempt to any thing!!!

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#3

Brother, you are two months off the drug. Two months!!! You could easily make a full recovery in the next year. Don’t throw it all away.

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#4

Hey man please don’t do this, just message me and we can talk about this. You’re very young and there’s a lot of hope left especially for someone your age. You still have options even if you don’t believe this. You haven’t explored every avenue yet not to mention that time is also a factor

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#5

If you’re only two months off you should just stop any kind of treatment and live as healthy as you can be and see how you’re doing months to a year from now. This could all turn around by then

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#6

You have to give this a REAL chance for things to turn around. Two months? Thats not enough time for many processes in the body to reset. Make evaluations about Your baseline at least after a full year to see how things evolve and see where Your condition will be then. There will be lots of ways to go after then. If there even will be any baseline, because it could turn out to substantial improvments, even recovery by simple waiting itself and keeping Yourself healthy in the first year - not pushing it by anything. And also, things move pretty dynamically across communities these days - dont forget that. Please, dont strip Yourself of all chances

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#7

You’ve been off the drug for two months @Junkieasteride. You could get to a much better baseline if you just gave yourself the chance. There a accounts on this website of people who had BAD crashes and then are doing MUCH better 6 months later. @Yusef is a poster who comes to mind, I believe he only took one pill too.

If you want somebody to chat to, I can call you. PLEASE do not end your life now.

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#8

@Junkieasteride

I also abused drugs pretty hard pre and immediately post-Fin, and the first 6 months I was daily suicidal. I stopped taking hard drugs and let my body recover a bit, and today I’m doing much better. Still not recovered by any means, but I have a good job, friends, family and most importantly, hope.

I don’t think people realise how hopeless this community was until a few years ago. There’s some great things on the horizon man, you don’t want to miss them. Please, think about what you’re doing.

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#9

Cut the bullshit dude…Stop f+cking around…Enough is enough…Im with you, that life like this isnt worth living, and i will be most happy to shoot you myself between the eyes, but FIRST WAIT, and TRY everything, and then do whatever you want…Have you tried St.John Wort?..You have been through a lot, but definitely not enough to just kill yourself like a coward (I dont think of suicide as cowrdace, but the fact that you want to do it, without putting a fight is nothing but mere coward)…You think ppl will be sad for you like they were for David?..Then you are 1000% wrong (Im not trying to defend the decision that david made, but ffs he tried, and tried, and tried)…I know how you feel trust me…If you are sooo much f+cked up like that, start trying stuff, but TALK TO ME FIRST BEFORE YOU TRY THEM…I have already told like 10000 times, that i will be there for you…There are lots of things in my mind, that could make you better (Not cured, BUT BETTER)…Just dont do anything stupid now, and talk to me in private

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#10

STOP EXPERIMENTING! Get some help ASAP or sign yourself into a psyche ward which Is better than being dead so they can monitor you. As has been said you are only 2 months into this I absolutely frown upon any experimentation concerning drugs in this fragile state. If you need someone to talk to I’ll try my best

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#11

@Junkieasteride, I was under some impression you were going to give it another month minimum?

Did you even go to a doctor concerning the vision loss yet? IMHO, that sounds like some peripheral effect that could be treated if they ran some diagnostics.

Plus, you’ve been on a roller coaster of meth. How can you ever expect to feel better if you don’t give yourself some time to clean-up from that? Come-downs would make this so much worse.

Is there anywhere you can go and just lay in bed for a few weeks to clean-up and see if the PFS symptoms improve?

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#12

Please listen to the advice you’re being given man. This really isn’t the answer.

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#13

Brother stop please don’t get your life.

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#14

Relax, friend. We will win this. Good things are coming this year. There are many paths for us to follow. Seek professional help for your mental problems and be a little patient. I promise that this is not permanent and therefore you will not be like this forever.

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#15

Wait another month you have the rest of yoor life ahead of you. Things will improve.Guaranteed! Every second of every day is pure helll right now and another month seems like a lifetine. Try to be objective write down the positives of waiting. What do you have to lose. You werent born to die like this man. Think how much stronger you will be

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#16

I agree with what Tzinkman said in that it is far too early to make an irreversible decision, especially if you only quit the drug 2 months ago. Some people have an initial crash that stabilizes to a new normal after a few months. The first few months are torturous and not necessarily representative of what it is like to live with PFS. I hope you think about this before hurting yourself and your family and that you reach out to get the help you need ASAP.

Good luck.

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#17

Hi @junkieasteride,

I’m saddened to hear what has happened to you as such a young man.

Courage tends to be appreciated retrospectively, after the passing of hardship. Perseverance when hope is seemingly absent is surely when bravery has any meaning at all. That’s as true in this situation as any great story. I would hope as a self-confessed weeb you can think of many examples.

It would be a great mistake to assume that many of those talking less often aren’t suffering to an extreme degree. Please consider your obligation to help, not simply implore others to find that strength. I would strongly recommend listening to those suggesting a moratorium on self-prescription. You would do well to give your body some time to at least stabilise. Many patients have significant improvement in time.

Best regards,

axo

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#18

Hair doctors on youtube said that depending on how long you’ve taken fin due to how it accumulates in the system it can take 3-6 months to be out of the system. Please dont give up man, it may turn around.

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#20

Ok young man. I feel your pain. I have been here, in those shoes 7 months ago and god knows I was such at a loss with what to do with my life. YOU CAN get better, trust a couple of “veterans” here. The amount of progress I have made in seven months is NOWHERE I thought I would be in July last year. Getting better is possible, trust me. You have chosen a radical path with supps and I will second Axo on cutting it. I spent two complete months resting, staying in bed, distracting myself with shit tv, barely going out, just for my food… Hell it was no picnic… On my own, just a couple of close friends helping me not to make stupid things… I thought I would not celebrate my birthday, let alone X mas… I did.
Please reach out to people. I don’t know you, but my PM is open for a chat, to share my humble experience. Recovering from this takes gut… It takes gut to take one’s life buddy… I have been here, real fucking close… It ain’t easy… I am 7 months PFS… I am still holding my job ( it sometimes takes Himalaya like motivation to move myself to work, not having it easy, don’t get me wrong) and this is a life saver… Recently I have been dealing with eyes issues, it wore me down but I am confident things will take a great turn at some point.
See an eye doctor, listen to what they can offer you as a treatment… I know it is not easy when you already have been fucked up on drugs but at least try.
Finally, let me tell you I have never beed the fighter type. It is our great battle to paraphrase Brad Pitt in Fight Club… Getting through this can teach you a lot about yourself, even if for now you can’t figure it out…
We lost a brother a week ago approx… We vowed “never again”. We know it is hard but a support is available here from all over the world. Again PM me anytime, send me your phone number for a WhatsApp call. Again we may not know you but you can PM me if you wish. Please stay with us, don’t give up man…

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#22

@Junkieasteride

If you’re still reading this, try this.

I know you may not believe in psychics and fortune tellers, but that’s what’s helped me. She basically outlined my entire life from beginning to end, she knew when I got sick from this and told me these were obstacles that were part of my life. She knew things that no one in the world would have known, maybe it’ll help if you go to one as well.

I wasn’t sure if I should post this because this sounds kind of out there but it maybe worth a try.

1 Like