Seem to somehow be getting better by the day here mentally. Sexually not much improvement I don’t think. I might keep this up. GOD PLEASE DON’T JUST BE THE TAIL-END OF MY COLD PLEASE PLEASE BE ACTUAL PROGRESS!
My beautiful colleague and I are definitely calling it off, ACHING for her but she’s back with her ex. Funnily enough, looking over my old messages with her yesterday morning I “remembered” how I was and used to “think” in some way, and it felt very much like it “woke up” some old part of me. Mental symptoms since then have really been letting up and some of the outside world has been creeping back in. Didn’t realise I had such a “shut off” feeling going on for just under a year now. My God… It was also that feeling that brought back the “aching” for her, like when you’re realy heartbroken. I wasn’t actually “PFS-meh” about the whole thing I was UPSET and am UPSET today, and thinking post-breakup thoughts like I used to. It hurts, but it’s “familiar”.
I don’t know I understand the relationship between dopamine and serotonin, so I’m going to try and illustrate the following as best I can. When I took the Saint John’s Wort I felt a “warm marshmallow” feeling that came in waves, the second cycle of it stronger than the first. Was nice ofc, way better than the SHREDDING PFS sour headache, which it pretty much obliterated whilst I was on it.
Now I’m taking Licorice and Kudzu roots (and NOT the SJW) I get the same feeling in little waves. Is this dopamine and serotonin is reduced from the Kudzu? Goodness knows…
Masturbation doesn’t crash me, exercise feels better these days, if it weren’t for a couple of days on inositol (idiotic, I KNOW it doesn’t agree with me) then sleep would be better than post-crash too. Sexually not really anything improved and I won’t be having actual sex now for a time, so not sure what’ll happen there. WAS getting nocturnals and mornings were “trying” but that’s the inositol I think - not doing that again.
Diet is mostly chicken fried in ghee with vegetables (broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage) for two meals during the day, beet/carrot juice (store bought but nothing artificial) and for dinner some combination of chicken/beef ribeye/lamb (fried in ghee) VERY occasional salmon, a sweet potato, sometimes and avocado, broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage - but I eat TONS for dinner.
Updated supps list so we can track it:
AM:
Wormwood, clove, holy basil and black walnut hull tincture -OR- Phellostatin, which I run 8 tabs/day (4/am 4/pm) [IHP rotated these, today back on Phellostatin. 2 weeks then swap]
Tbsp diatomaceous earth mixed in
Occasional VSL probiotic mixed in
Multivitamin (Couple of times a week)
Nystatin 5 tabs 500,000 strength
Sodium butyrate ( a weird polish one, says " Butyrate sodium 1100 mg including butyric acid 340 mg") 2 or 3 tabs
BioKult probiotic 1 tab
licorice root 450mg
kudzi root 500mg
Butea Superba (Swanson) 4 tabs
Tribulus (mediherb) 1 tab
Terbinafine 250mg
During the day:
Some probiotics with food (Bioglan Biotic Balance) at work, NOW brand Super Enzymes or Viridian digestive aid (3-4 tabs) too with meals.
Dr Mercola SBOs and complete probiotics (triple dosages throughout the day.)
Nystatin 5 tabs 500,000 strength
“Restore” gut health supplement liquid - double dose at least throughout the day.
[For the time being, next week or so, I sneak off to the toilet about 10am and poop, then take RECTALLY 2x nystatin, 1x SBO probiotic and a complete probiotic. Just an experiment.]
PM:
Sodium butyrate 2 or 3 tabs
BioKult probiotic 1 tab
BioNutri Taracyn 1 tab
BioButri Eco Balance 1 strip of tablets
Gut protocol drink
Wormwood, clove and black walnut hull tablets. 1 of each on the non-Phellostatin weeks
About 250ml colloidal silver, 30ppm
Nystatin 5 tabs 500,000 strength
Butea (4 tabs)
Tribulus (1 tab)
Terbinafine 250mg (for the next week or so, finishing up a 2-week course)
For now, plans are to stick with this for the forseeable and see if I pick up sexually. Will give it another GOOD month and tweak only minorly. I SO SO wish I never got PFS I’ve lost so much muscle. Pondering (getting the supplies in for) a low-dose and quite short test prop cycle, with clomid PCT. Something for the sake of vanity, personal happiness and also a couple of people magically recovered after PCT - goodness knows how, just rolling the dice smacking the HPTA system around?
Lots of questions, nothing to do but keep trying stuff.
Keep going everyone.