Ive become bitter and lost hope

Coping
#1

I thought there was a good chance of suicide but now I feel like its over. I feel like its out of my control now because the desire is always there its just when will the means come? When will I finally do it?

I don’t want to leave the wrold behind id miss out on so much, my poor dog i’d never see him again. I just don’t want to live as a person who can’t even experience normal things… I just want to go back to my normal life and its impossible.

I’m developing chronic pain now too, fuck adex, and my gut is completely fucked. more than before. Im at the point where i wouldnt even bother with a suicide note or letting anyone know now, thats how bad it is.

I just wanna not do this anymore. I dont care if it gets easier/worse i just don’t want to do it anymore. I dont like that i’ve lost everything that made me feel human. I feel apathetic robotic unempathetic and now physically i might not be able go to the gym…

I might aswell give up, i geniuenly see zero positive to anything anymore. i fucking hate this. i wish i wasnt here on this forum, asif this forum will be the final thing i spent most my time on before dying… This is not how i expected my life turn out…

I thought i’d travel the world, meet girls, settle down… Now I stay at home all day wondering what symptom will get worse next. Idc about people against cures, suicide is coming soon anyway so what harm do attempting cures do. Man the only time i’ve felt horny to a point of hypersexuality is on meth, and even then its reduced. The problem is it fucks my tendons more…

So tendon and connective issues could be serotonin related. Either way i cant feel the pain after hitting meth so ill literally just do it til my heart stops if it comes toit. Fuck gettingbetter guys ive alreadygive up sorry. I think the day this happened to me it was set in stone i lost, i can’t deal with chronic conditions i hate feeling like my body isnt the same as everyone elses.

i dont even feel humananymore. where has mylove for life gone.

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#2

Hey mate I don’t have time right now to type a well thought response but honestly please go check yourself into a hospital to stop yourself from doing something stupid. Talk to someone you trust if you need a push to check yourself into emergency.

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#3

Get sectioned and forced with antipsychotics/SSRIs? No thanks

I will never ever admit to being suicidal to someone who has the power to take my freedom away fuck that.

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#4

Just want to say that I understand you. It is really one of the worst situations to be in.

At the same time I deeply hope, that you find the strength to endure. Living all your dreams might still lie in your future.

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#5

I hope youre right

#6

Don’t take anything, eat your food and drink water and don’t use anything that inhibits 5alpha reductase. You should inform your parents about how you’re feeling

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#7

Dude my family say i brought this upon myself by taking the drug… Ive told them theyre not welcome at my grave or funeral

I have no choice but to kill myself my eyes have began to detoriate, meth has caused this. Vision Problems, Eye Floaters and Sexual Activity

You were all right I was wrong. PFS isnt something you beat. Its something that beats you.

I’ve tried to kill myself twice now and failed both times, what a fucking joke why am i such a failure. i just wrapped a cable round my door handle and just tightened it round my neck but as soon as it began to strangle me i had to pull it off i couldnt fight the urge… I fucking hate that i dont really want to die but i still have to do it…

I’m sorry guys but im not the kind of person willing to fight PFS i dont think i can do it, im the kind of person that just gives up. I wont fail the 3rd time sorry. What a joke can’t even kill myself right

#8

I’m going to be blunt with you because it might save you. You’re extremely unstable man, you’re not thinking rationally. You go from saying you will try x,y and z protocols in one post, to saying you’re going to end your life in the next and the crazy thing is, you haven’t even reached the 3 month mark post drug cessation. People here are constantly trying to give you advice, you need to stop being stubborn and listen to them. You need to have some patience, give it a few months and then reassess your situation.

7 Likes
#9

There wont be a 3 month mark mate, at least I hope. Even now I’m gonna go use meth in a few minutes to make myself feel better DESPITE clearly gonna get worser… I have lost all hope, I intend to end my life soon sorry PFS is deadly please find a cure someday someone

#10

Im really sorry to here youve been hit by this great struggel.Myself i also struggel alote. And i also have a hard time seeing a future in this condition. Life is unfair and If you only look at youre circumstances you coulde really lose Hope. I Will only tell you that There is a God that loves you and If you turn to him he will give you the strengh to keep going even If youre circumstances seems hopeless. Dont do any impulsiv decision that you cant take back. If you wont/need to talk Please pm me. This situation is awful and extremly painful. The thing we atleast coulde do is to comfort eachother. Shared pain is easier to carry then bear it alone. BR Patrik

#11

Please know that you have every chance of having some recovery. Do you have anyone to support you? Stop taking meth. That is going to make things much worse in the long run. Think about your dog. What will happen to him/her if something happens to you? You are the world to him/her.

#12

I tried that. I begged him to let me get better but i think if theres a god he chose to punish me.

Irl im so alone no one understands they treat me like i have a common cold ffs. They don’t have any sympathy. I’m tempted to write on my suicide note that they should blame themselves honestly

#13

My family removed me from my house because apparently being upset about PFS is unacceptable… Wonder if they’d think that if it was cancer or some shit -.- I haven’t seen my dog in a month. I miss him so much and he’s never gonna see me again its so sad it breaks my heart it brings tears to my eyes as i type

He will be fine with my family.

#14

With PFS it is hard to think rationally. Is there anyone in your family and/or friend circle that you can turn to right now? I’d suspect doing meth would have to stop as a first step for them. Do this for your dog. To see him again. If that is the only thing you fight for, fight for him. Has your family read anything about PFS? Have they been on here?

#15

They say people on the forums are the ones who don’t get better and everyone who gets better doesn’t use the forums -.- They’re crackpots they don’t understand that this isn’t something that people just get better from.

They have to be reminded I fuckign stopped them a month ago. I have friends but they have their own lives to worry about they can’t be sitting their counselling me. They’ll be devastated, but at least I know they’ll defend my legacy.

#16

I know the feeling. Unfortunally nobody that havent been hit by this coulde really understand us and that make it even harder to live with. I dont think God is puneshing you or me. We are just living in a fallen world. God now all youre struggel and he have compassion for you and If you turn to him he will give you strengh and peace in the mist of youre agony.

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#17

Your friends, your close friends, will want to be there for you. Give them the chance to be. Give yourself at least three months off of this. You are at the worst point right now. I know it is horrible. Please do not lose hope.

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#18

Why would god take my empathy? I used to be so lovely to everyone and everything, I think its because i complained saying i care too much about people/animals suffering around the world so he took it from me…

Idk i don’t really believe in a god but if there is one he can certainly be cruel either that or theres a heaven waiting and it’ll all have been justified imo

I’ll see soon enough (or not since i wont be able to comprehend im dead)

#19

I dont like being this new ‘fake’ me around my friends. They know the bubbly old me the empathetic happy always talking motormouth none stop talking bout his interests me…

Now Im faking every interaction with them… Its horrible

#20

Hello mate, reading your posts is quite worrying. Most of us can relate to what you saying and the resulting actions its bringing out. PFS effects so many things. I’ve had personal contact with a few guys who were where you are right now. Attempting suicide even. They too didn’t believe they’d recover or last 3 months. Not only did they all last but they also all improved to different degrees. So hang on in there and stay off the meth, try clean living read some books go outside try to do some of the things you once enjoyed. You’ve got to try to chill and wait out the clock. Believe that you’ll get a lot of your life back. It will happen.