I'm alive got sectioned under mental health act

[Junkieasteride]

I feel so fucking guilty for only being able to tell you guys now. I’m at a mental hospital still sectioned so internet or outside access wasn’t allowed.

I’m doing this off my mum’s hotspot and with her permission sheo got me my phone for 10 mins during visitation (not her phone per se but using her data, thankfully she’s promised to start paying my phone bill again when I get out if anyone wants to have phone calls I’d really like that) so I don’t have much time. I’m not actually allowed internet access so it’s taken me a whole week of begging her and convincing her to let me tell my ‘online friends’ as I called them (heh sounds kinda pathetic not to me but to everyone else) that I they need to know I’m ok. I know I mentioned the forum a lot to her and she has ill will towards it I think she seems to think it’s putting stuff in my head but I’ve tried many times to explain this isn’t the case. Anyways I’ve wrote this a little fast it’s probably scatty edited a few times and now I’ve gotta go soon so I’m sorry if the post is rough.

Long story short I broke down called my mum before attempting and was was hit with Narcan I believe or something after the police broke my nans bathroom door down and got sectioned under the mental health act.

Either way. I survived and feel like shit for potentially worrying everyone here. When I get out I can explain better and I’ll also pass out my number to a few members so shit like this doesn’t happen again.

I can’t wait to get out of here it’s shown me I do have some stuff at least to live for I think. Not being able to speak to friends and family apart from visitation times and kinda just lie in a room and speak to schizophrenic people ofasionally has really shown me man I gotta get my shit together. I gotta carve a life I can live. One I’m comfortable of. It feels like my family are a little more concerned now too and even doctors have been listening to my PFS story and trying to help me, albeit they haven’t got the best advice I don’t think anyone will but I need to try and fill my life with goals and hobbies I want to take up swimming my mum has offered to change my entire room with me so that it can be anime styled so I have some things to look forward to.

Furthermore I think smoking cannabis and staying away from the hard drugs is what I should be doing. I might try DHT derivs again but I’ll give that a while as for now my mum is ok with me using cannabis so I’m gonna have to ride that wave and be grateful. I felt sick sitting in this ward knowing there were people out there thinking I might’ve ended it, geniuenly kept me up all last night. So much of a relief to be able to finally finally spread the news I’m alright. I don’t know how it’ll be taken because well I don’t feel too good about posting said message in the first place but I had to let you guys know, it was wrong not to tell you guys I’m alive

I feel like such an attention whore for even making the post in the first place, I’ve now seen its got a lot of replies I should read it. I just feel so awful that I’ve kept you guys in the dark for so long this should’ve been a bigger priority, to let you guys know.

I was using too many drugs towards the end of my third attempt, wasn’t thinking right. Being very impulsive.

Im sorry to this community for being such a joke and making you concerned, I harbour no ill will to anyone who hates me for that post.

Fuck PFS (not putting responsibility on it, I should’ve been a better person, just wanted to express my hate for this disorder)

I hope for some of you this post is a relief.

[Hbcap]

So happy to hear that you’re okay. That post just made my morning. Keep fighting bro.

[DHT]

Thank you for letting us know brother hang in there @Junkieasteride
If you had feelings like that please remember take an ice cold shower first.

[SkinDiesel]

No need to apologise man. So glad you’re ok.

[Mercked]

Thank goodness you’re still alive. You have to appreciate the fact that 0) You matter to people, you are loved and appreciated. 1) You don’t necessarily have PFS yet as you have just stopped taking the drug for two months, 2)Even if you do, time is on your side and most people get better with time, and 3) The people you are corresponding with and the stories you read are a biased sample of the worst cases. People who get better or recover stop posting. Many of us including myself have worsened themselves through supplements and medications.

Your first line of defense against your condition should always be radical patience, self-care and self-love expressed through mindfulness, good stress management, meditation, and leading a healthy lifestyle. It seems awfully bromidic but frankly I wouldn’t still be posting here if I didn’t play around with supplements last year. At least give it a few more months before trying anything else. And when you do want to try research that decision for at least a month or two.

If you havent already, you have to take this time to develop yourself as a person. Learn to separate negative thoughts and feelings from your self identity and reality. They are not who you are (well partly it’s because you’re withdrawing from fin) but how you choose to react to them is up to you. The things that have transpired are not your fault and you do not deserve to suffer, but you do have control over how much you suffer.

[Crossroads]

@Junkieasteride

staying away from the hard drugs is what I should be doing

YES. We want you here on this earth and doing and experiencing life and good things. Drugs are gonna keep you from that. We PFS-ers have a different kind of life, but we are here and we can do the best we can, not comparing ourselves to others. Best of luck. Use this time “away” to get calm and get off the addictions. Hugs.

[Peterson]

Good you’re back bro but stay the fuck away from all the drugs even weed.

[Dubya_B]

@Junkieasteride

was hit with Narcan I believe or something

Ouch! I was told by an EMT that the moments after receiving Narcan is the most miserable and angry they have ever seen anyone. Definitely had to have been a rough experience for you for a few hours.

Good to hear you are alive and thank you much for going through the effort of checking back in to let everyone know you are alive.

Yeah, I think it’s entirely possible to live an okay life despite this condition.

[LazarusRy]

Great to see your still alive. No need to apologise at all i would say the majority of us can relate. You seem a lot more rationale and settled. Stay away from any further experimentation. The storm clouds will pass and you will be able to get a life back. Youve also made some positive statements which is great to see. Giant steps well done

[Junkieasteride]

To be honest guys I’ve had internet access since I was allowed here but I had no idea what to say or do after making my first post ughhhh Plus i was doing my best to keep my mind off PFS until I’m allowed out and back with my family (tomorrow) but I just couldn’t take it anymore I had to let you guys know

I feel so guilty because I could have let you know sooner!

Trust me tho I’ve definitely been sectioned

It’s actually not been toooo bad dare I say. Saw a psych etc it’s just been a place to focus my mind on what’s important.

As for the Narcan my friend idk no reaction like that for me?? Is that because I’m not addicted tho no withdrawal to enter?

Love u boys sorry for not logging on sooner

Edit:

More shots that just make this impossibly elaborate to be fake

Have to own a lot of safes and type way too much I cba with lmao also own a weirdly shaped room with 4 beds identical and blah blah hopefully this is guud proof

Just because understandably I’d be skeptical too also its a nice little tour of what it was like here for me haha since I think my final day is tomorrow

[Jaime]

@Junkieasteride I’m glad to see you are okay, man. We’re all gonna make it

[pvdl]

So you are off cocaine and meth? How can we say that your troubles are PFS related if you are meth and cocaine addicted? Serious question.

[Andrew35]

@Junkieasteride

Im sorry to this community for being such a joke and making you concerned,

The only joke is when you hide in shame about your problems. Praise yourself for being brave and reaching out. Keep doing it in life and people will be there to help you.

[Papasmurf]

I had an inkling you were still alive keep your head up fella- I too am locked up in a ward been here for a week now. I have my own room it looks like you’re sharing?

[AaronF]

Good to see your still here man I thought that was it

[Junkieasteride]

I don’t understand how does get locked up for cocaine and meth? Using it? Going over and entering psychosis? I understand that but I mean the last message I posted before getting sectioned was pretty legible no? Does it read to you like a psychotic person on a bender? Ive never been in psychosis although ive gotten close on numerous occasions, I still know how to handle my drugs unfortunately. Not stay up for days.

The only reason I cant leave rn is because they believed I might hurt myself/kill myself not until I quit drugs they know i take drugs but they aren’t very focused on that and I made sure to tell them about Pfs myself and thankfully they haven’t dismissed it. Tomorrow I’m seeing the doctor with my family (who now is a bit more understanding of pfs) and I think they’re ready to let me go I shall have to keep you updated.

I never want the experience of waking up like that again I felt completely confused (not miserable or angry really) and obviously in shock with the situation lmao then to be unable to see my friends and family apart from specific times of a week is really really lame

[Junkieasteride]

It’s my own room friend theres just four beds four cupboards and four safes for some reason lol idk if they ever put people in rooms together I think everyone has their own room but they do have enough space to put us in rooms together I suppose.

[pvdl]

@Junkieasteride

Does it read to you like a psychotic person on a bender?

Yes. Maybe not in a strict medical sense, but you sound like someone who is heavily dependent on drugs and are experiencing a mental breakdown. To what extend anything of this has to do with PFS is anybodies guess, certainly not exclusively.

[Junkieasteride]

Go look into what delusions and hallucinations are… Also maybe practise a little more compassion? I already feel like shit I know I’m a piece of shit drug taker who should’ve probably succeeded because honestly living just gives me the chance to fuck everyone’s head more no? (Yeah I still hate myself for using drugs no one is gonna be proud of that) But that still doesn’t change that I fucked up by writing the post (concerning so many people when I should have never been considering suicide in the first place)

I still feel guilty for writing it I know I’ve pissed people off and made them worried I know I’m failing to amend. That’s all I wanted to do amend I couldn’t take it anymore I was avoiding thr forum initially after getting sectioned cus I was tending to others I had concerned a lot.

Now I guess Imjust trying to do my best through all of this and I know my best is shit and I know its not enough and I guess even now I still look like a piece of shit to.some of you which is sad but it’s to be expected it’s all my fault I hold no I’ll will on those people I hold the I’ll will on myself

Plus do you not think even if I didn’t post on a forum I wouldn’t hold this ill will on myself and look at my self as a piece of shit for breaking down to my mom and friends before getting sectioned either way? Because I kinda do lol I told everyone I was gonna suicide and my friends didn’t know where I was I had been telling me friends for weeks how I felt so it hasn’t been easy on the people around me. I’ve been holding a lot of guilt about everything lately I just put the pfs forum to the back of my mind at first and have regrets about doing that now because its led people to worry longer than need be. I need to focus on the future more though and be more forgiving to myself even though it’s hard and yes sometimes I can get a little dreary and self hate but that’s just life I don’t think that’s a good idea to permanently avoid the forum because that happens abyway

Now bed time for me I’m feeling sleepy

[pvdl]

I dont think any caretaker responsible for you would recommend writing for hours on this forum. It has little benefit to you.