I have. I Just waded through all the adversity and cycle pde5i. It can be tough, you need to fully explain the situation to your partner, when the time is right and just roll with it. There have been far more good times in my life since being with her rather than being alone.
It can be done, girls can be very understanding.
When you told her was this after you had sex with her several times or before the relationship got physical? PDE-5’s only have a minimal effect for me so I don’t think its something I could physically pull off without raising questions.
After i had sex with her a few times.
Lucky for me cycling through pde5i (cialis, viagra, levitra, hgw) has allowed me to have sex once a day. The longer i have cycled pde5i the better the results. Perhaps it is due to cAMP building up.
Tim, that is helpful info- thanks for sharing. Is it enjoyable for you? Or are you just “taking one for the team”, so to speak? I get that you can physically get there (which is awesome), but what about mentally- in terms of enjoying yourself? (Maybe not as much as before, but a little bit?)
I think successful is the key word here.
I’ve started some relationships but they all eventually fail because I am not able to give back emotionally.
Nyer, i have found myself a great girl, so when i ask myself the question, do i want to be in a relationship with her? the answer is yes. Therefore i do what i have to do.
To answer the other part of your question, overall my enjoyment level hovers between 20-35% of pre finasteride, unless i smoke pot where it can shoot right up.
I was wondering if anyone can help me out here.
So A few years back I fell in love with my current boyfriend. I was, however, dating someone at the time. This guy was always there for me, even as a friend, and I could tell he really cared about me. I realized I wanted to be with him, so I dumped my current boyfriend, moved out of the apartment we were sharing, and started dating this new guy. The first month was the best month of my life. There was lots of kissing and touching and we couldnt keep our hands off each other.
He told me he was getting hair surgery, which I didnt think he needed. He was going to get the surgery while i was away in europe for the semester. During that time he started taking propecia, but noticed the side effects after a few weeks, so he stopped. However, things started to get worse and worse. Finally, he told me what was going on. This was 2 months after he had stopped taking the drug, and a few days before i was suppost to see him again after my semester in Europe.
So I got home, and things seemed ok. He said he wasnt as hard as he used to be, but I didnt seem to notice a difference. I assumed he was slowly getting better, considering his brain fog had all together left after a few months.
However, a few months after I got home, things started to go down hill. He was never horny anymore. We still kissed sometimes, but I could tell he wasnt into it. Now, a year later, it has gotten so much worse. He has no interest in touching me what so ever. He claims he loves me, but he doesnt seem interested in me the way he had even before we started dating. He never gets hard when we are together. He claims he is never horny, even when Im around. He also says he just doesnt feel romantic anymore.
I love him, and want him to get better, but I know this is something I cannot solve for him. I was wondering if any guys out there had any advice for me. Im trying to be patient. I could handle the sexual dysfunction, but the lack of interest in me all together is making me feel all alone. Ive known him for 3 years now, and he has just changed so much after taking propecia. I need someones help here. What can I do for him or for myself?
I’m not sure what advice you’re looking for, but you will need to discuss being unfulfilled with your boyfriend. The lack of libido issue is serious and can be persistent - many have been searching for years and still have no cure. I would suggest showing him this site and making sure he gets the recommended blood workup and visits a urologist. Also, a paleo diet may be helpful with moderate exercise.
In the mean time try to replace sex with other intimate things that satisfy you such as foot massages, etc. It’s not the same and he probably has no desire even for this but it’s a cost he must pay.
My advice would be to break up with him and remain friends. This way there’s no expectations. Tell him to report his reaction to propecia to his hair restoration surgeon, Merck, and the FDA.
I’m shocked a sufferer of PFS would advise another sufferer’s gf to break up with them. Truely the most insensitive and unbelieveable remark I’ve read here in two years without question.
@AllAlone - I think the most difficult thing to grasp is that his seemingly indifference to you is not at all your fault and is absolutely no reflection on you. He is suffering from a condition which alters your emotions. I think it speaks volumes about your character that you have gone to the effort to come here and ask how you can help him. You should also be aware that this community has moved light years ahead over the last year in all areas- media exposure, research, and on the legal front. It’s a good guess that the momentum will continue to grow.
it doesnt strike as shocking…this is our problem…we shoudl deal with it…and not drag sexual partners with us downhill… seriously i used to feel so creepy i didnt even want someone with me…i feel sorry for myself every single day…no need to have another person feeling it for me.
By your reasoning if your spouse has terminal cancer you should leave them? I’m sorry to be so direct here but some of you guys come up with the most idiotic remarks one could ever imagine. A girlfriend of a sufferer comes here for advice and support and you tell them to break up with the guy? Unbelieveable. This is why there are 2000 members and 20 people who post. I can see why no one would even bother to take the effort to respond to that. Take a breif moment to edit this stuff in your head before you type and post.
@AllAlone-Alot of these guys are very young and what limited functioning their brains had prior to Fin has been even further comprimised by the drug. Again, I commend you for sticking by your boyfriend as we have had many incidences here of marriages of serveral years ending due to PFS. Since you seem interested in helping maybe you could start a support group for the spouses and girlfriends of those with PFS? I think alot of here would certainly try to help you in establishing such a group, myself included. Feel free to PM me at any time. As I said before, the momentum is definately building on all fronts and things have never looked more promising.
you are a dick
Why? It worked for me. We are friends and still love each other. I can still have a frienship with her and focus on my recovery.
Thanks so much for your posts in this thread. Honestly, I really appreciate it. Lately I’ve been thinking of how to move on with my life, things have just been in “stasis” over the last year. I want to be in a relationship with a woman… I’d like to get married (and have children 
)… in short I’d like to live a normal healthy life.
My approach so far has been totally depressing. I got it into my head that I needed to be a monk and hide from the world until I things improve. But this strategy has deprived me of human contact, love and the intimacy of a caring relationship. I feel like I’m withering away into nothing. Yeah… maybe I won’t be a sexual dynamo in the sack, maybe my enjoyment level will be a fraction of where it should be, maybe I’ll feel vulnerable but I have to think that being intimate and “giving”/focusing on a woman’s needs can make up the shortfall.
One question I have for you guys in successful relationships; Is having sex once a night reasonable for a new relationship? I think I could probably swing this even if the multiple marathon sessions are a thing of the past. I know this is kind of a weird question but please humor me.
Thanks,
Great posts boston,
I think there’s a bit of a maturity gap here. “Break up with him!” is horrible advice… I understand the mentality that produces that advice (“she’s better off without me… what can I offer?”) but relationships take work and the best ones have weathered some serious storms. AllAlone… you seem like a lovely, thoughtful girl and your dude is lucky to have you. Take the time to talk to him about your needs and express them in an empathetic non-judgemental tone (something I can tell you will be able to do easily). Sometimes we assume our partners know exactly how we feel… this couldn’t be further from the truth. Be open, be honest and commit to trying to find a solution that works for both of you .
It may turn out that you have to part ways but at least you’ll have tried to salvage the relationship.
Take care,
AllAlone- I think my wife could relate very much to what you said. We are in couples therapy which is helping us a great deal, but the disconect in intimacy (non-sexual) has been a real by-product of my/our experience. We are working on regaining that and it’s a wonderful thing, but it turns back on her sexual desire which is a problematic situation. Nonethelss, it’s better than the disconnected state we lived in for many years. My advice to you would be to work on reconnecting in terms of intimacy. I am not sure it is going to work to be in an uncommitted relationship (as in, not marriage) that is based just on friendship and essentially a brother/sisterly kind of love. If you want to make things work with him, which obviously you do if you put forth such a thoughtful post, I would gently bring up this lack of connection and figure out ways to reconnect in a non-sexual way. I do agree with all of the other men who suggest that this is a real disease and has to be treated with compassion and understanding from the spouse, but I also agree that your partner needs to show you compassion too and if you are feeling alone, that is just not fully acceptable either. A relationship takes two parties who work together to form a situation that fulfills both of them, within whatever parameters or contstraints they face, in the case of our situations.
I appreciate all the helpful responses on here.
I talked to a therapist i am seeing about my boyfriend and I’s relationship. He suggested we get couples therapy, but neither one of us can afford it. I told my boyfriend how I feel about how I feel, and how I feel like he treats me differently because he isnt sexually attracted to me anymore. He said he would try harder to be more emotionally available. Sometimes he’s great, and he has even made out with me a few time( he admitted he wasnt feeling it when he starts, but once we get going, hes better). However, we live far away and both have jobs/school so we only get to spend afew hours together every other week. Usually it is with his family because they always have something going on. It is hard to have romantic time together.
We talked about breaking up. Well, he did. He said it wasnt fair to me to be dealing with this. But I told him how I felt. I told him that even if there was no sex, i would still rather be with him forever. I wasnt even thinking about sex when I fell in love with him, and at the time i didnt even know i would want sex.
This summer he is trying different “treatments”. I really hope one of them works. He goes on this site often(that is actually how I found it).
If anyone still has any advice, please let me know. Our relationship has gotten better, but it is still really hard.
Nyer,
I am married and lately we have been trying to find stuff we both enjoy and can do together. She has to become your best friend and you have to suck it up at times and do stuff you may not feel like doing. Even in our condition we still have to be the man in the relationship. I have been married for over 7 years and its pretty hard… but my heart really goes out to the single guys on this site. I couldn’t begin to imagine trying to actually start a relationship in this messed up condition.
Steffenc- does this mean you have sex with her? My wife and I have been talking about this again. I think she really, really needs it although she is I suspect being brave for me. I definitely do not want to though, and it’s almost worse having sex with HER than a stranger, because we have a marrital life, you know? (Like, it’s embarrassing or something- not too sure how to express it).
Anyway, just looking to get some thoughts from other men in my position. If you don’t mind laying out the tactics (like whether you ahve sex, how often, and frankly just how- as in, with Viagra, etc., that would be great).