If you are married, please respond

General Discussion
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#1

For those of you who are married, can you give me the basics of what life is like with your spouse? Are you having any sex with them, and if so, what is it like? Do you just focus on her enjoyment and do what you can to get through it? Do you enjoy it, even though not as much as before? If no sex, is it because you physically can’t (even with meds, etc.) or just because you strongly don’t WANT to (libido issues)?

My wife and I don’t have sex. I can get an erection but it’s long since been an enjoyable experience and we both have basically given up. I am just wondering what things look like for others, because we are both interested in just trying to get back in the saddle, with the aid of Viagra, etc.

#2

Those married and involved with the law suits now or plan to be in the future might want to consult with their lawyer before publicly posting too much information on this subject. You know who will be dissecting this material for spouces suing for loss of consortium. Anything the least bit inconsistent, even if unintentional, will be twisted and turned in an attempt to shed doubt on your story. Maybe it’s wiser to discuss this via PM.

#3

Good point Boston. PM me please- I’d really like to know. I’m nowhere near a lawsuit or anything- just trying to figure out how to navigate marriage given this circumstance.

#4

Sorry about your situation nyer. I had a gf, we broke up cause of this shit, but sex wasn’t the reason. I was depressed, scared, anxious, an no fun to be around. We split up and promised to remain friends.

#5

On a related note - has anybody successfully started a relationship after developing these problems? If so how did you go about doing it?

#6

I have. I Just waded through all the adversity and cycle pde5i. It can be tough, you need to fully explain the situation to your partner, when the time is right and just roll with it. There have been far more good times in my life since being with her rather than being alone.
It can be done, girls can be very understanding.

#7

When you told her was this after you had sex with her several times or before the relationship got physical? PDE-5’s only have a minimal effect for me so I don’t think its something I could physically pull off without raising questions.

#8

After i had sex with her a few times.

Lucky for me cycling through pde5i (cialis, viagra, levitra, hgw) has allowed me to have sex once a day. The longer i have cycled pde5i the better the results. Perhaps it is due to cAMP building up.

#9

Tim, that is helpful info- thanks for sharing. Is it enjoyable for you? Or are you just “taking one for the team”, so to speak? I get that you can physically get there (which is awesome), but what about mentally- in terms of enjoying yourself? (Maybe not as much as before, but a little bit?)

#10

I think successful is the key word here.

I’ve started some relationships but they all eventually fail because I am not able to give back emotionally.

#11

Nyer, i have found myself a great girl, so when i ask myself the question, do i want to be in a relationship with her? the answer is yes. Therefore i do what i have to do.

To answer the other part of your question, overall my enjoyment level hovers between 20-35% of pre finasteride, unless i smoke pot where it can shoot right up.

#12

I was wondering if anyone can help me out here.

So A few years back I fell in love with my current boyfriend. I was, however, dating someone at the time. This guy was always there for me, even as a friend, and I could tell he really cared about me. I realized I wanted to be with him, so I dumped my current boyfriend, moved out of the apartment we were sharing, and started dating this new guy. The first month was the best month of my life. There was lots of kissing and touching and we couldnt keep our hands off each other.

He told me he was getting hair surgery, which I didnt think he needed. He was going to get the surgery while i was away in europe for the semester. During that time he started taking propecia, but noticed the side effects after a few weeks, so he stopped. However, things started to get worse and worse. Finally, he told me what was going on. This was 2 months after he had stopped taking the drug, and a few days before i was suppost to see him again after my semester in Europe.

So I got home, and things seemed ok. He said he wasnt as hard as he used to be, but I didnt seem to notice a difference. I assumed he was slowly getting better, considering his brain fog had all together left after a few months.

However, a few months after I got home, things started to go down hill. He was never horny anymore. We still kissed sometimes, but I could tell he wasnt into it. Now, a year later, it has gotten so much worse. He has no interest in touching me what so ever. He claims he loves me, but he doesnt seem interested in me the way he had even before we started dating. He never gets hard when we are together. He claims he is never horny, even when Im around. He also says he just doesnt feel romantic anymore.

I love him, and want him to get better, but I know this is something I cannot solve for him. I was wondering if any guys out there had any advice for me. Im trying to be patient. I could handle the sexual dysfunction, but the lack of interest in me all together is making me feel all alone. Ive known him for 3 years now, and he has just changed so much after taking propecia. I need someones help here. What can I do for him or for myself?

#13

I’m not sure what advice you’re looking for, but you will need to discuss being unfulfilled with your boyfriend. The lack of libido issue is serious and can be persistent - many have been searching for years and still have no cure. I would suggest showing him this site and making sure he gets the recommended blood workup and visits a urologist. Also, a paleo diet may be helpful with moderate exercise.

In the mean time try to replace sex with other intimate things that satisfy you such as foot massages, etc. It’s not the same and he probably has no desire even for this but it’s a cost he must pay.

#14

My advice would be to break up with him and remain friends. This way there’s no expectations. Tell him to report his reaction to propecia to his hair restoration surgeon, Merck, and the FDA.

#15

I’m shocked a sufferer of PFS would advise another sufferer’s gf to break up with them. Truely the most insensitive and unbelieveable remark I’ve read here in two years without question.

@AllAlone - I think the most difficult thing to grasp is that his seemingly indifference to you is not at all your fault and is absolutely no reflection on you. He is suffering from a condition which alters your emotions. I think it speaks volumes about your character that you have gone to the effort to come here and ask how you can help him. You should also be aware that this community has moved light years ahead over the last year in all areas- media exposure, research, and on the legal front. It’s a good guess that the momentum will continue to grow.

#16

it doesnt strike as shocking…this is our problem…we shoudl deal with it…and not drag sexual partners with us downhill… seriously i used to feel so creepy i didnt even want someone with me…i feel sorry for myself every single day…no need to have another person feeling it for me.

#17

By your reasoning if your spouse has terminal cancer you should leave them? I’m sorry to be so direct here but some of you guys come up with the most idiotic remarks one could ever imagine. A girlfriend of a sufferer comes here for advice and support and you tell them to break up with the guy? Unbelieveable. This is why there are 2000 members and 20 people who post. I can see why no one would even bother to take the effort to respond to that. Take a breif moment to edit this stuff in your head before you type and post.

@AllAlone-Alot of these guys are very young and what limited functioning their brains had prior to Fin has been even further comprimised by the drug. Again, I commend you for sticking by your boyfriend as we have had many incidences here of marriages of serveral years ending due to PFS. Since you seem interested in helping maybe you could start a support group for the spouses and girlfriends of those with PFS? I think alot of here would certainly try to help you in establishing such a group, myself included. Feel free to PM me at any time. As I said before, the momentum is definately building on all fronts and things have never looked more promising.

#18

you are a dick

#19

Why? It worked for me. We are friends and still love each other. I can still have a frienship with her and focus on my recovery.

#20

Thanks so much for your posts in this thread. Honestly, I really appreciate it. Lately I’ve been thinking of how to move on with my life, things have just been in “stasis” over the last year. I want to be in a relationship with a woman… I’d like to get married (and have children :frowning: )… in short I’d like to live a normal healthy life.

My approach so far has been totally depressing. I got it into my head that I needed to be a monk and hide from the world until I things improve. But this strategy has deprived me of human contact, love and the intimacy of a caring relationship. I feel like I’m withering away into nothing. Yeah… maybe I won’t be a sexual dynamo in the sack, maybe my enjoyment level will be a fraction of where it should be, maybe I’ll feel vulnerable but I have to think that being intimate and “giving”/focusing on a woman’s needs can make up the shortfall.

One question I have for you guys in successful relationships; Is having sex once a night reasonable for a new relationship? I think I could probably swing this even if the multiple marathon sessions are a thing of the past. I know this is kind of a weird question but please humor me.

Thanks,