@axolotl You may find this data useful
My crash (2nd) is going worse and I hope to find a baseline soon:
Things that came in paralel, all of them started slow and then increased in severity on par. I’ve never experienced any of them before (not in my entire life nor my first crash):
Insomnia: Inhability for my mind to stay asleep, dreaming like crazy, went from 7-8h to 5-6h to 4-5h to 3-4h to 2-3h. After the block of sleep I am often unable to go back to sleep again and If I go sleep again it is only for periods of 30 to 1h, dreaming everything. I must have almost no deep sleep. I have yet to measure properly this data with a device I am expecting to get from 6-10 march. When I was in the 2-3h range I was completey suicidal afraid if I were there more than 1 week I would’ve terminated myself.
I’m currently at 3-4h and if lucky I get a +2h block and then a couple of 30m block. I have yet to measure this precisely however. To manage this I try to stay device free by 22h and then just try to write things on a notebook but just whatever I like to write, no goal nor daily activity related. I just do poetry for instance or just draw like I was 5yo. I do this to minize stress before sleep.
Memory problems: Short, Med, Long term memory are affected, specially Short term. I am currently forcing myself to do exercises of watching YT videos of 30mish of many kind of ancient Spanish works and then I write on a paper details like the name of the town, the name of the officer the name of the tools and how they were used, the hours of procedures etc. I fail and fail and fail and currently there seems to be no improvement in here.
Focus: is lost like I have a severe attention deficit. Unhability to follow simple conversations or do simple tasks like checking-answering email, or performing a goal focused task.
Strange “pressure/hollow felling” at the back on my head: that renders me basically unable to perform minimal cognitive process. Thinking, remebering anything, talking with people, even my own internal monolgue is severely affected. During these periods I am unable to handle any kind of stress even If I am just sitting alone dinning something I find delicios and watching tv or yt whatever I am doing when these attacks come ANYTHING makes me uncomfortable, like I am unable to keep exististing and on track with reality. I FUCKING HATE THESE. They come and go but leave me exhausted. I have yet to find a pattern but they definelty appear to be highly probable during/after eating. Today I was attack free until at 16h during the digestion of lunch and then from 16h to 20h I had them come and go. At 20h I had one during dinning and at 21h I had a pretty big long lasting one just before writting all of this.
Extreme constipation: 8-9 days without bowel movements, bloating of digestive aparatus, I am currently using glicerine suppositories and on an herbal laxative called “Laxsen” containing mostly Senna (this is what makes you shit) or something like that (30%) it works and I am able to evacuate within 6-12h. However Laxsen also contains another herb that is an 5ar inhibitor so I would proceed with caution. First thing in the morning I take a cup of hot water with Laxen and then introduce the suppository and refrain from any shitting sensation until the glicerin disolves. By the 2nd hour I shit the volume of a fist and then by the 10h o shit the volume of two fists. My stools are green but sometimes appear yellowish also the smell is definetly different althouth it still smells like shit. If I go all natural I get bloated at day 7 and at day 8 start to feel like rocks under my ass like @Dknighten describred sometimes, specially when I stay sit so to relief from the rocks sensation I mostly stand up during the day and only sit to eat and after dinner. With the rocks feeling inside of my anus I also feel a pulsation. This only happends when my digestive system goes extremely bloated at day 7-8 without bowel movements.
Currently I had natural bowel movements at day 7 without the use of laxative but they were extremely weak and it took me a handful of them to make me shit naturally. However despite being bloated I found extremely difficult to shit and the stool came out very thin. The volume was of a fist so that was not terrible at least but yeah, something is going on with my rectum like it was tight. Anyhow the shit was really smooth so my diet is at least allowing me to not throw rock-like stool.
Anhedonia: I had previously this one in my first crash but now It was increased in severity and peaks durring hollow head attacks. At least I am able to still feel music (at say 10%) but only when I am attack free for a long period of time and somewhat rested. Any other basic emotion asidde from sadness and laugh (they feel however extremely extremely low) is still missing.
It is the first time experiencing this. They started since beggining of Feb and increased in severity. I am unable to comprehend how the collagen peptides, vitamins, aminoacids could have created these issues out of thin air. Maybe my old baseline was damaged via estrogen path due to the high potency ginko I took in december and this was foretold to happend anytime.
I know collagen peptides (offnote* could all my new issues be GABA related???) are terrible for PFS and some users suicided after taking them I fear for my shitty state to be permament and I pray for my body to recover even if it is 1%/year, whatever kind of recovery I will gladly take it. I just don’t want to be permamently like this where I can only function for a handfull hours a day and the rest is just zombie surviving.
Currently I honestly just want out. I pray to find a baseline and that with diet and avoiding triggers little by little I am able to sleep again decently then there maybe an opportunity for my constipation to relief a bit and for the neurological problems to relief too.
I pray God.
