First significant crash since December, 2 months is a pretty good streak. Today is Feb. 7 for record keeping. This one might be psychosomatic, but who the hell knows. Ate some new kind of candy my family brought home and I’m always wary of eating anything new. I generally have to know exactly what’s in it, but since it was candy I was not too worried and already took a bite. Saw one ingredient I wasn’t familiar with (annato extract) and googled it while I’m eating the candy and basic google search suggests annato is well known 5ari food. I only took a small bit and only sucked on it for a little while, but was immediately freaked out and spit it out.
Super high anxiety today, brain burning, mild anhedonia, brain fog, not a fun day. I honestly think it’s just coincidence as I feel like I was due for a crash, leading up to this my sleep has been slightly less and less each day until only a 5 hour day. My sleep has been so consistent now, it was noticeable. I really think that was my signal that a mild crash was coming on. Nothing I can do but hope and pray this is the case. The alternative is absolutely fucking terrifying.
Went for a run and feeling a little better already. I’ll now be terrified for the next few months of an impending crash due to annato. That’s just how this thing goes. I need to do better, be more vigilant, even if it’s just a mental thing at this point, it still affects my well being. I need to be sure that when I have a crash, that it’s just part of the cycle. Then I always look forward to the upswing and higher peak to come after. Now, I’m just scared. So scared.
I have a post in the forum where I’m trying to collect a list of known things that have crashed people. I would encourage everyone to list any substances you know of, so we can all have a list available and avoid situations like this and those much worse where people have deeper crashes from their initial or repeat crashes, just because they don’t know.
