I don’t have what I’d consider muscle loss, but i was never very muscular since starting hairloss drugs, they made me kind of pudgy and since having pfs I would say i don’t have defined muscles anymore and it’s really difficult to get muscles or even to get sore, it’s like my body just won’t allow it. But when i’m in temporary recovery times, my body just feels more thin and solid and i think i look more attractive as well
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Yeah sorry to hear about this Bib. But yes, I think you just have to decide if you’re going to try to live life or not even with these side effects. You can wait until you feel you’ve gotten better to a degree but there’s not telling when that will happen or how much better you’ll feel then. If the thought of a girl telling others that you’re impotent bothers you, first make sure you have some meds ready to go in case you need to perform and second, realize that dating doesn’t have to end in sex until you want it to. You can date and do what you’re comfortable with. Go down on her, finger her or not. If she asks why you’re not doing more you can just say you want to take it slow. If you really like and care about a person (which i think would be an excellent ultimate goal with dating for guys with our problems) you can tell them about this. Maybe after awhile they’ll be in love with you and just see this as something that isn’t ideal but they can deal with.
I have a really good friend that is great with women and is always in a relationship and he has told me, he doesn’t have ED but he does just have a lower sex drive than his partners usually do. For him a couple times a month would be pretty much enough. So it has caused some issued in the past with his relationships but they never broke it off with him. Some did say they’d prefer more sex than what he was giving and he’d have to have talks about how it isn’t them that’s just how he is and maybe he’d have to go down on them more sometimes to keep them satisfied. The point simply is he didn’t let that be the thing that stopped him from pursuing a relationship and finding happiness and while what we have is infinitely worse, i’m just saying don’t let that one thing be a stopping point if you can find it in you to move past it
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I like your pfp. I too am a Hannibal appreciater.
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Grass is always greener indeed. I’d trade everything everyone has mentioned just to feel any kind of emotion or drive or enthusiasm again on a regular basis
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Thank you for your kind words. I think I might be beyond the point where ED pills can help me but I don’t want to let that stop me. There are men out there who lost their sexual functioning to paraplegia and testicular cancer and the like and they still date and find love and marry.
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That’s the spirit, man. It’s easy for me to say right now as my brain has actually felt good the last few days. When it’s a dark time for me, it’s easy to just want to lay on the couch and never leave my place. I think we can have good things in our lives but it’s not going to be what we had before and we’re going to have to be really really intentional about it. Like even if the entire world wouldn’t believe we can find love, we have to believe. I think we’re going to have to want it that bad
Do you know what caused your worsening?
Gotta try to have that Hannibal mindset in this mess. Haven’t been home in years, fighting against what seem like insurmountable odds with little help from the homeland.
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Yeah the anhedonia is pretty bad for me as well.
It was my worst symptom by far
Now my stomach rivals it. If I can fix my gut I’d feel like I have a 2nd chance at life even with the anhedonia just based on all the time it frees up
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a bad diet from when i was working overtime over a period of 2 weeks seems to have created the gut problem. but i wouldnt be surprised if PFS created the environment for me to be prone to it
it happened suddenly. since then a probiotic reversed it, and then i stupidly took another probiotic which put me back into this hell and made the original probiotic stop working
i have some potential solutions i can try to make the original probiotic work again but they are all risky. right now going through some physical therapy and some other interventions to improve my symptoms. if i can just be able to work consistently again without having to deal with the panic attacks that come with the stomach symptoms, id be atleast okay with riding everything out indefinitely
sorry for the rant, but ive never been as frustrated as right now.
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not sure what you’re saying i should do but there’s only 1 way i can word it.
also, my sexual sides were more of “skin” sides. it was numbness. not dysfunction or ejaculation problems
So you had genital numbness that recovered?
Yeah as soon as I stopped the drugs I started recovering and within a few weeks I was back to normal
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Hey guys.
A quick chip in from Denmark.
I’ve been suffering for 13 years (when i was 20). My libido was low and dick not working for 5 years, until i started to get better.
I started dating at 22 when I had NO libido what so ever. Gave me a hard time and lots of ups and downs. Though I never really got dumped because of my sexual sides. Actually girls were turned on by the fact that I was not really interested in that part of a relationship.
Today - after many dates and girlfriends - I am 80% back to normal when it comes to sexual sides. Still not perfect, but it’s working well enough for my wife.
We got 2 twin girls two months ago. 
So far they seem very health and thriving.
Even though I still struggle with bad digestion and prostatitis, the thing I’m most scared of is to be dying to young because of this. All in all i guess that’s a good place to be in.
Hang in there, you will get better over time! And give dating a shot. You will experience ups and downs, but that’s what life is all about.
/Morten
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That’s great! That’s a story for us all to really strive for. That took a lot of determination to start dating when you were in a state of having no libido whatsoever. I wish I would’ve had that but I think for me at least the anxiety over being stuck in this hell and then having to try to talk about this with a potential partner, well that obsession and anxiety becomes as bad as the symptoms themselves.
Right now my mindset is changed and i can see myself dating and even just trying to hookup with some of the women i’m matching with (not in a disrespectful way of course). It almost doesn’t seem as big a deal to just say “So I came off a med years ago that really makes my libido fluctuate but if i need to I can take something that’ll help and i’m more than enthusiastic about giving oral sex” or something to that degree.
I’m to the point where I’m considering what it would be like using hookup apps. I got nothing when i was on tinder for a few weeks but wondering if changing things to “hookup” or finding a decent app (some people have mentioned adult friend finder) for this kinda thing would be helpful for me. I think there’s something liberating about realizing this person just wants sex, probably doesn’t care about all the baggage that we need to explain about our sides, and maybe even finding someone that is like “I’m cool if we mess around and do things other than intercourse if you’re not feeling in the mood.” LOL I’m more than positive it’s not THAT easy and convenient but the idea at least is starting to become appealing to me, to at least try
Of course the main goal is what woods has, a loving wife and family. But lemme tell ya, this online dating is really confusing and frustrating. I was like 75% sure I’d have about 3 dates this weekend. Well within a few days that turned into zero dates this weekend. One who wanted to meetup today said she’s sick (who knows if that’s true), another that said we should get together just never responded to my texts (but for some reason still responds to messages on Hinge, go figure) and another just claimed some other reason they couldn’t follow through. Sigh…frustrating
But I’m not giving up! The key is to just keep trying even when you’re looking at an inbox with 0 messages in it. Find another app. Try another thing. Look into meetups in person. Just don’t quit as it seems like new opportunities do keep presenting themselves
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Hi,
I am very happy for you!
Were you affected by anhedonia/emotional numbing?
If so, what did you do to get better?
I hope you are well and that your two girls are well too!
So at this point, starting with going on these dates somewhere around February (I think) I’ve now had dates with 9 different women. What strikes me about all this is how it’s difficult to get any kind of momentum in regards to these individual relationships. If we’re still single at this age, we’ve likely learned how to get by and live life without another person and we can be a little protective of our free time (not just me, i also notice this from the various women i’ve gone out with). On top of that, the way this dating works also complicates it because even an average looking guy like myself can have at least a few options of dates to set up. So why just focus on one woman if it might not work out and they can very quickly ghost you? Of course, we all are generally setting up as many dates as we can and meeting new people which is a good thing. But rather than focus on just one and really figure out if it will go anywhere, we have more options which is not always a recipe for success. And if it’s like this for guys, think about how many more options there are for women.
So there was one woman that I went out with twice and actually by the second time i met up with her, i was kinda sure that I really liked her. She lived quite a drive away so i was thinking about how that would work out. On the second date we talked about meeting up for a third and I was sure if we met up I would bring up the subject of where we’re at with feelings and I would say I definitely like her. Maybe not sure how to proceed, but I like her.
Well, long story short after texting about a 3rd date and her saying we’d go out again, she started “curving” me (hope i’m using that term right). This basically means she started taking longer and longer to respond to texts and started saying less and less. I asked about specific plans for the 3rd date and she just wouldn’t respond to those questions. It was literally like “Hi how are you? How did work go this week? So would you be interested in seeing a movie?” and the response is “I’m great! Work went well this week” and that’s it. So after a few text exchanges like this over several days of slow responses I just figured it’s pretty obvious she’s not that into me and haven’t replied in a week.
Well, easy come, easy go I guess. This was the first one that I really liked and could feel like a feeling in the pit of my stomach. Not as strong as when I’m in recovery but something was there. Was a bit sad about it, i guess I still am not totally past the disappointment. The good news is, somewhere in my mind, the ability to feel romantic attraction is there (at least some times).
Just went on a date today and had one a couple weekends ago and both seem nice and easy to talk to so we’ll see where that goes. If either progresses then one day it’ll be time to have the dreaded TALK about where i’m at physically. Totally not looking forward to that but in any case, the overall message is, don’t lose hope everyone and if you can get out, do it. There’s disappointment but there’s also finding out you can have emotions (some of the times lol)
I’ll also be updating my personal story thread about the temporary recovery and subsequent gains I recently felt
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I’m not sure I can add much to this thread, but some of the comments reminded me of myself trying to figure out my life. I am now married and have a child, but I did start dating and getting serious with girls about three years after getting PFS.
I think what many of you are missing is that women are not attracted to the same things we are. The biggest mistake men make is projecting what they like onto women. Women are attracted to a man’s status, his confidence, and (this really sucks, but it’s true) his money. What a man looks like or his sexual performance isn’t really that important to a lot of women and I think thats what got a lot of us in trouble in the first place. We thought women wanted a man with nice hair because looks are important to men. You tell a group of men you met a nice girl they want to see her picture and know what she looks like. A girl tells her gal pals about a man she met and they ask “what does he do?”
A lot of us have a good job and a good income despite the symptoms we have and actually check all the boxes but we just don’t know it. And anhedonia can be a bit of a super power. I would say absolutely OUTRAGEOUS things to women on dates that I would never say without PFS. I just didn’t give a shit. The anhedonia came across as confidence as crazy as that sounds. A lot of them responded in a positive way to the crazy stuff I would say.
Here is another crazy thing about women and men. Ask yourself this question: who has more value on the dating market, a 25 year old woman or a 25 year old man? The answer is easy. The 25 year old woman. She is at the top of her game and, looks-wise, she is never going to have it better. The 25 year old man is young and horny, lacking in confidence and still getting started in his career. Fast forward ten years! Who has more value, the 35 year old man or the 35 year old woman? Now the tables have turned! The woman is in trouble because her biological clock is ticking. She knows she needs to settle down fast. The 35 year old man is settled in his career (most likely) and making good money. And, the 35 year old man, with some life experience under his belt, has more confidence and dating options.
My point is we have it better than we think, especially the men who have waited and are older and ready to jump back in the dating pool. If you have a few dates that don’t work out, jump to the next one. With the anhedonia it’s not too hard to walk away. This sounds counterintuitive but in the condition we are in a high libido female isn’t the right one for us. Find a girl who is ok with you providing a good life. If you can work and she can stay home and raise the children, you are providing most of what women need to be happy. Find a low-maintenance woman who isn’t too demanding and is happy with the basics. They are out there.
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That’s great, man! Talk about how it went. Like dating with PFS. Like when did the subject of your ailment come up? What did you say? How did women respond?
At the moment, one of the women I was going on dates with that I really liked appears to have decided she’s out (i.e. she’s ghosting me). However, that situation was the closest I’ve been (at least from my perspective, who knows how she felt) since all this started. She wanted to talk about anything and everything about our lives and dating histories. We never got to discussing PFS as I was hesitant to talk about dating histories as there is now a huge hole in my dating history. But I’ve never been closer to broaching that subject with someone that I was romantically interested in. And the thought of talking about this terrified me. I know some have previously advocated for avoiding the subject or kind of telling a bit of a white lie on it. And I understand that at first, but once you really start getting into serious conversations, you can’t completely avoid it.
On a separate note I’d like to talk about that here: What’s the best way to talk about PFS with a romantic prospect?
In my mind, the conversation was going to go like this: “So I haven’t dated anyone for a really long time because for a long time I just didn’t feel the need to because years ago I took a strong drug for hairloss and it affected me physically, emotionally, mentally in a really bad way. I believe I’m through the worst of it and every day I think I get a little better. However, honestly, a lot of times I feel a little sick/under the weather and I’m not every hour of every day going to be craving sex. There are going to be sometimes when I really won’t want it, and some times when I really do. But most of the time, I can have sex but there will be a part of my brain that’s a little disconnected”
Idk, how does that sound? Someone like me has to kinda plan out what I’d say even i’d never say it. I don’t like to have no plan.
There will probably be a separate talk about having kids because I don’t really know if I can still have them on PFS. I know others have had them and they’re so lucky! But my semen volume is like 1/3 or less of what I was producing with each shot prior to PFS so I’m a little worried. Also, a lot of the times, it just doesn’t shoot as far so I’m worried there will be some issues with that if I’m lucky enough to find someone.