More blogging: so far, Chinese medicine is helping a lot to battle depression and anxiety. Lets give it more time, but I feel I finally found something that can give my life back.
Sexual sides persist, though.
I’m almost giving up. This fucking drug turned my life into a living nightmare. I can’t stand it anymore. I’m in one of those days where you see no light at the end of the tunnel. My life is ruined, and I’m the one responsible for it - and it was all because of my vanity. Sometimes I really wanna kill myself…
What problems did you have? Had a pretty shitty day myself. I know what the cause was (something I used for an infection) and tomorrow should be better. From what I read, things didn’t seem so desperate for you lately, so I suppose it’s not the overall situation that puts in that emotional state today.
Unfortunately, it’s indeed the overall situation. The lack of libido drives me crazy. It’s like all my past, the girlfriends I had, the way I used to fall in love at first glance, it’s like I don’t believe it anymore. Sometimes I think it was all a lie, I don’t know. Why am I not capable of feeling the way I used to feel? I’m okay now. There’s nothing 0.25mg Alprazolam can’t solve.
For the record: amazing sex today. Libido, sensitivity, orgasm. Feeling a little bit anxious, though. I’m getting close to the 3 months mark since the last spike, which means I’ll probably face a good period again in a while. Lets see if the cycling behavior keeps the regularity.
did you get bettter in 4 days?
try a paleo diet. No grains(rice, oat, wheat , corn etc…), no dairy (cheese, milk, yogurt, whey), no salt, no pepper, no legume(beans). no juice, no alcohol.
Just, meat, beef, fish, eggs, chicken, turkey, lamb, vegetables, fruits, nuts, seeds.
i´m getting better with this diet. No drugs/medication.
I thing PFS is a autoimune disease and it´s trigger by leaky gut.
Backfromhell,
Thanks for the tip, I’ll try it.
Having a really nice time these days. Amazing sex last Wednesday, but then I had a few fluctuations this weekend. Today I’m feeling horny, apparently good sensitivity.
Looks like this cycling behavior is really true. Every 3 months I have a major upswing with real improvements, especially in terms of emotional improvement. It’s getting better and better every time. The hard part is to endure 2 months (or 2 and a half) waiting for the third month.
This has to end. Looks like my case behaves exactly like Chi’s. I’m really really attached to a girl nowadays. Feeling “in love” again. This is such a great thing. I’m not able to describe it. With a little bit of luck I’m going to be out of this nightmare this time. I’m praying with all my soul.
That’s it! Researchers need to know it cycles like this. Yes every 2-3 months improvements. Here us whats crazy, we get improvments and then hit a high point, then crash down again. Here is the cycle, feeling happy, sexually charged, feeling good emotionally, then bad night sleeping followed by heavy dryness, tight testicles, loss of am/PM erections, no sexual thoughts or desire for a few days, left testicle pain, left knee pain, anxiety, depression, smaller constricted penis, ejaculation that isn’t forceful, colder penis and scrotum, loss of man smell. Then it opens up again
Same here, high point, then crash
Add two more symptoms to the list when things first start to go bad…lower stomach/abdomen/pelvic pain on the left side and when sleeping hands fall asleep easily
i´m not having high point and crash. I´m stable, minimal change day to day.
Well, here I am again stumbling over words - not to mention depression and ejaculation feeling like shit. I swear that sometimes I try to convince myself that this is all into head. But how can it be if I can’t feel a pleasurable orgasm even when I masturbate. This is insane, life is like crap with this shit.
Today I found out that a friend of mine is going to be a dad, his wife got pregnant. My first girlfriend, with who I had a 7 and 1/2 years relationship, is a mom nowadays. Life is passing and I’m stuck in this fucking nightmare. I wanted so much to have a family of my own. I wanted to be a dad… Jesus, what have I done to my life. I have a BEAUTIFUL and WONDERFUL girlfriend nowadays - and I love her, but I’m just not capable of being happy.
Was having a shitty day today. I had to take 2 alprazolam pills. But then I went to the beach spend some time sunbathing. After the sunset, we ended up going to a beautiful place and had sex in the car.
Well, the sex was cool, low-medium libido and sensitivity. The amazing part comes next. I bet you guys can remember the AMAZING feeling that we used to have after an orgasm. The feeling of happiness and relaxation. Guys, it was unbelievable, I’m still feeling relaxed and happy. I can’t believe how much we have lost due to those fucking Merck bastards.
gmmora- looks like you are starting to have some things happen that haven’t happened in almost 2 years. That’s a fantastic sign
No, Finatruth, unfortunately I’m not alright. I’m having very awful days these days. I don’t like it, but I have to take alprazolam pills almost every day to keep things bearable… Depression and anxiety, as always. Sexual function bothers me, of course, but depression and anxiety make my life a living hell.
My penis is now becoming thinner when erect. Whenever an erection starts, it’s like the base of the penis gets full before the rest of the penis. It’s like it has a conical shape.
I never liked people who played the victim, but that’s exactly how I feel… God damn it, I was brilliant and now I’m gone…
Presuming you are 10 months out and able to have sex I would say you are doing quite well. I’m at the 14 month mark and the depression is almost completely gone. The emotional effects seem to reliably decrease with time, especially after the 12 month mark.
gmmourra, I think you are absolutely on track for a recovery. I know it’s hard, but you are definitely through the worst of it.
Stay strong mate.
Thanks, Elpovo, it means a lot to me.
I just don’t believe what my life has turned into. I hate having to take alprazolam pills to keep myself under control. It normally takes a 0,25mg or 0,50mg tablet for the magic to happen, but I don’t wanna live a life taking medicines all the time. I literally wanna give up everything now, I’m beaten.
I know what I was and I know that I’m not this guy here in front of the computer typing to you. This is the person I’ve become, or something close to a person. Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me trying to convince me that I’ve always been like this, but I know this is REAL BULLSHIT… I’m off 22 months, not 10 like you said, but I started taking finasteride in 2006. So it’s been 6 years in this hell (first year had little or unnoticed sides). I just can’t stand it.
I can’t stand to keep thinking that I could have stopped this if I had discontinued finasteride earlier. Depression only started in 2007. But I just couldn’t connect the dots.
I don’t know what my life is going to be from now on… I’ve lost control over it… I’m not going to kill myself, but everything is senseless to me. I thought I’d have a recovery this month, but it turns out that I was wrong. PFS does not have a pre-defined frequency…
Cheers.
Gmmoura, I feel you but u have to look at the positives. You don’t realize it but if you look over the last 4-5 months of your posts it’s upward. Even 22 months is not long enough, it could take years but cling to the improvements. I am still bad, but my cycles are no where as bad as they were a ear ago. Slowly slowly slowly things improve, look at Cdnuts who only announced recovery after 5 years!! Some others longer, many drop off this site and resume their lives. I try to hang on to all the new improvements that come every 2-3 months. A year ago my body and penis were cold all the time, now that isn’t happening much anymore. I know it’s hard, the I credibly hard but don’t give up. The upswings with improvements give us hope.
Thanks, Finatruth, you are a great friend here in this forum. Back in June this year I was really better, but now it seems I’m very close to where I was after my first crash. Let it be. I’m jogging again - 25 minutes everyday starting from today. I’ll start taking B12 supplements and L-theanine. I’m already taking fish oil (9 capsules everyday) and just stopped St. John’s Wort. Still taking Wellbutrin, by the way.
I think I’ll give TMS (transcranian magnetic stimulation) a try. It’s new, it’s supposed to treat neurological conditions - I have nothing more to lose.