My last dose was the 28th of November. Sure, not long ago but the second I took that pill man. The second I took that pill it all changed.
My emotions became blunted, I feel like a psychopath. Nothing brings me much joy anymore, I don’t enjoy conversations with people. I’ve suffered from white hair all over my body, numbed genitals, penile tissue loss and a libido that makes me want to cry.
I know you are saying to wait this out but I hated my life to begin with. Now I feel like I’ve lost everything. Everything. I have a feeling the 3 month recovery thing doesn’t apply to people who have suffered the full extent on PFS like myself.
Heck I can’t even administer TRT anymore, does that mean I can’t do steroids too? Well I want to test it. If I can’t then great another part of my life gone.
I’ve lost the personality I loved. The happy outgoing always talking wanting to share my new hobbies with people who are clearly disinterested but me I didn’t care I was just so energetic I wanted share these things with people but now… Now I’m like everyone else, disinterested in stuff… Not just sexual but everything.
I used to cry to movies over the stupidest things. I used to laugh until it hurt, all the time. I used to be in agony all day thinking about a problem that wasn’t even mine (friends issues or animal issues). Now I just feel like I’m so empty inside. It’s all gone.
I wonder if such a life is worth living I really do. If I can restore some androgenic nature through proviron and masteron I can at least focus on the gym. I can at least focus on feeling sort of normal.
Waiting around is suicide for me. Honestly it really is. I took a few diazepam yesterday and I have no doubt in mind it would allow me to kill myself when previously I had fear to do so. I have to exhaust my options friend and I’m not trying to discredit you.
You obviously mean me no harm, you obviously wouldn’t have posted if you didn’t care but I hope you understand that I wasn’t in the greatest place to begin with. Extremely suicidal. Now… Now this has happened I feel like I’ve fell into a never ending abyss.
I obsessively come here because it’s the only time I feel normal, with people who understand such torture and injustice which has occured.
Arimidex proved to me visual lust is still there. I got super horny after Adex and received temporarily visual lust. Man to lose that feeling and have it return I see why Douglas and a few others use it. However I feel the risk is too high, I’d like to avoid any estrogen pathway problems.
I really hope, we aren’t somehow invulnerable to androgens, and that Proviron/Mast supplementation can help me.
If it cant. I’m mindfucked. I think I’d prefer to die, my sex drive gone as well as my personality?
It’s’s just not something I can bare to live with. I geniuenly honestly want to commit suicide @Jaime
I’m sorry I’m not as capable as you PFS survivors but this syndrome if that’s what you want to call it has absolutely devastated me. I don’t even feel human anymore, Id do anything for a time machine.
I truly truly cannot believe half the effects I’ve suffered aren’t anywhere to be found on the leaflet for this medicine.
I let my insecurity and hair destroy my healthy body.
Thanks Merck, Mercked another individual who meant you no harm and just wanted to live a normal fulfilling life. I know you don’t care at all, so enjoy my £40.
I can’t even get angry at them. I’m angry at my pathetic self for taking that med, I probably deserve this. I hope that after death there’s nothing scary.
Sorry about the long rant. I know a lot of people deal with PFS well but I’m heart broken inside. There isn’t a single moment of a single day I haven’t thought about what could’ve been.
It’s devastating that the.emotional blunting no longer allows me to emphasize strongly enough to avoid suicide for the sake of my family. They’ll be distraught but I hope they understand, I love them so much I really really hope I see them again some other day should I go through with it.
Its devastating I feel forced into suicide. I had so many hopes dreams and it crushes me that a hairloss pill has changed everything…
There is no concern to get worse. If I get worse what’s the outcome? I kill myself? If I don’t get a bearable stack then I will take enough Xanax to calm me and go jump off a bridge, I’m sorry but it is what it is.
PFS is brutal, Merck are evil and lives are going to end as well as families torn apart all because a pill can take away a person’s ability to love life. How is it fair?
I miss everything. I miss my emotions. My libido. I miss not having to worry if my dick will permanently ED or develop a bunch of new veins.
I don’t speak to girls anymore because I have no libido. I can’t enjoy hanging out with friends because the connection just isn’t there… It’s hard to explain.
I took fin because I wanted to be my best self. I wanted to try and get a pretty girlfriend and live a happy life. Instead I’ve destroyed everything I enjoy and I had no idea it was even a risk…
I love the people here, they help for sure and people are doing amazing work I’m very proud of the mods with work such as the survey but honestly I don’t think I can hang around for a cure.
I might be able to live my life with PFS but it’s a shell of a life, I may make improvements and I may not but I’ll never return to normal.
I’m scared I’ll never fall in love or even experience emotion properly for that matter.
The very first night I took fin before I realised I had PFS. I was terrified of death but that night i layed in bed and questioned actually it wouldn’t be so bad to die
Something changed in my brain I think. Nowadays I’d like to experience death aka nothing over this state of sadness. PFS is a depressing disorder, people such as myself lack the quality of life to power through this.
I might not be a severe case but I yearn for the day I end this. I sadly now feel brief happiness when I plot my suicide, something new to me. It makes me wonder, what has happened to me?
I used to be so full of life man… I promise to write a note specifying everything propecia has done to me, hopefully someone in the media takes it serious. Not that I care.
The loss of my masculinity, emotions and libido have made life nothing but suffering. I want to live but it feels peaceful to consider a permanent sleep as an option.
I hope I didn’t drag on too long. It’s 2am and these are the thoughts running through my methylated brain