Diary of a PFS sufferer

[Exsexgod]

Sometimes I remember my friend @bsvc sitting inside a dark flat, waiting for the darkness to make a walk outside or to enter the supermarket. No hormone no supplement, only drink a beer.

Now I sit inside my house. The summer and the sun outside is like another planet for me now. A dolphin lifelong. The entire summer swimming and relaxing in the sun from April to October.

Chatting through the forums that there outside in the world are some mutants living in the same way in this parallel universe of a pharma con… camp.

Would like to live at the cold and rainy Outer Hebrides or on the Irish Atlantic coast with stormy attacks from the sea. Total alone in a cottage. No better with other PFS or pssd mutants together.

[Exsexgod]

Can I ever go back to any kind of anything like a normal life again. Or am I prisoner of this parallel universe forever.

[Exsexgod]

Can you repair the Epigenome with carnivore diet?!

There seem more stories who repaired their entire (epi)genome with meat and ghee,cleared butter fat.

And they all recovered and it seems everybody who is not praying recovery by any hormon, substance, carnivore diaet, Intervall sprinting, light therapy, cold water therapy, gut microbiome transfer, shockwave therapy or any other protocol isn’t willing to recover.

Merck destroyed us and the victims community says nothing, no fight, no anger, no campaigns to rescue others?!

No, nothing! I go on my protocol and everything is forgotten.That egoism makes me so angry! Some even counteract science and awareness initiatives.

Even this often called bad side of pessimists is full of incredible recoveries as all the chat groups full of the same for the majority useless religious pathways to solve pfs for two decades now.

This gives much hope and optimism, but on the way to a cure for all of us it isn’t really helpful.

And the majority of housebound, desperate, lobotomized, bedbound, suicidal and permanent castrated sufferers don’t even try to talk about their state anymore. They all seem to disappear. No, they are not healed all by some stupid herbs! From time to time long time sufferers show up again.
And than many users who has been symptom free ten years ago already or mild cases without severe ED and other symptoms to tell us how much they recovered (this terminus) over the last ten years and how fine sexlife and erections now.

A carnivore diaet

It’s a short time run back thousand years human evolution to the archaic hunters age where people had no epigenetic changes?!

Repairing specific epigenetic alterations

Can you really repair so specific methylations of DNA regions and acetylations on histones causing an altered signaling for the transcription and expression of one altered specific gen cluster,caused by a synthetic drug from 1994?!

Or even repair all methylations and acetylations to the healthy stone age population by cleared butter fat.

This sounds for me more like carnivore new age outsider as serious cure for all cases.

[Exsexgod]

Two of my old friends here on this forum tried to attempt suicide. Another one is in a very critical state. Some young guys are in a bad state too.

One of the most controvers guys disappeared from the world. Nobody knows, he’s still alive.

Some severe cases like @Papasmurf don’t give us any updates.

Nobody of the 6700 users in the same boat takes any notice of them. Meanwhile I know so many severe pssd and pfs cases suffering totally alone.

If someone scratch seven thousands of polished cars, there is a great public awareness and the victims are totally out of themselves with incredible pain and lynch mob anger.

Their stolen lives and damaged cocks for a pharma profit game seem to let them totally cool. They don’t want to hear about this.

Where are you all?!

[Henrique]

I agree with you, it’s been a long time since the forum and nobody was ready to make an instagram account about PFS, there is a very famous social network where we could have many more people and with that generate visibility for our cause.

[Exsexgod]

Supported now for care level 3. Mo and Wednesday support in household and grocery. Ex wife supporting me. Social worker on Tuesday trying to motivate me for the basic things. Supervisor making my accounts etc. Friend helps in the garden and buying shoes or shirts in the internet.

The rest of time I lay on the couch or sit in my chair, call the delivery service and wait that death comes soon.

Even hate and regret are gone. Without hormones and neurosteroids docking in the cells, a man is a car wrack in the desert. Never driving again.

I’m not a recovery by HCG, keto diaet or healthy lifestyle story, feeling good again, heavy weight lifting and big walks with sprints, having sex three times a day… no I’m done. I think about suicide.

[Exsexgod]

What @notna said is that I feel, only a few windows but never left the prison for one fucking day.

“I particular what my brother (who is suffering from pfs as well) and I have noticed, is that there is a servere mental pfs symptom, which is: disconnection from what I call the vital energy of life, which gives you a positive, outgoing, relaxing and confident feeling. This energy is what connected you to your feelings. This feeling is lacking severely and is replaced by feeling like, i suspect, old people do. I do feel like an old guy. This is also what keeps me home at night, when everyone is out there enjoying life.”

[Exsexgod]

PSSD community is starting up now with awarness campains:

We are pssd network, faces of pssd, sufferer videos, getting recognized as a condition in europe, wiki entry, tv and newspaper articles.

We have the same chance with pfs network and some other initiatives. And we have a real coherend way of understanding our disease from Baylor to Kiel study. Only knowing what it is we can think about treatment strategies. Every other shotgun research may give a random hit but no causal solution.

But for two and a half decades our community believes in the same 100 % recovery stories, 100 % healing protocols and the newest theory, forgotten with the next theory. And than the next cycle starts up with the same old shit.

The last time as we have a promising study and awarness campains in the pipeline I see a sudden huge proliferation of recovery stories, coming treatments and new theories?!

That commercials like cdnuts and other product resellers place their advertisement campaigns through a success story like satisfied customer reviews under every shit product is normal. That they use different member profiles too.

The best joke is, that some of these recovery resellers sell saw palmetto or even pre fin labtests for people who want to start a finasteride cycle! And what does the pfs community, they handle this frauds as heros who solved pfs. Merck Organons compliance is laughing when screening collateral damaged vs profit once a week. Tell the board of directors no action is need!

But what is the benefit of all them never seen before with their severe issues with their member story who appear suddenly presenting us a 100 % recovery story ?!

I’m not reflecting to the coherend and honest recovery stories.

It’s just a trend even on propecia help to sell the newest and the best recovery story. It becomes sometimes really surreal if some severe pfs cases now have sex seven times a day and feel so much better than before pfs. That’s like a finasteride advertisement.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFs4fmrR/

[Exsexgod]

New Year’s resolutions. Yes I try to recover!

Like all the other ones,
it seems so easy to recover, if I only try

OK 2023

I stand up in the morning at 9 am.
Breakfast at 9:30
Going to the gym at 11 am twice a week again
or organization in the office room
Cocking my lunch at 13
Lunch at 13:30
Going for a walk at 15
Meeting friends 3 times a week
Connecting all my friends again
Dating women again and looking forca new relationship
19 actual tv and healthy diet.

Bupoprion 150 up to 300 mg for more energy and a better mindset
Vit D tyroxin for more energy
Healthy diet

Psychotherapy
Visiting doctors making blood paneels
Trying HRT

And whats with my symptoms,

Psychiatrists, Pharma, Merck, medical mainstream and pfs recovery section say it in explicit terms, clear and distinct:

“It’s all in your mind!”

To feel anxious to go outside, sometimes inable just to walk to the supermarket, forget it, just go.

Care level three, come on just try to do it by yourself again.

No drive even for a little walk, making the dishes, washing my clothes, doing the household even to cut my hair and beard, or to wash myself, come on!

Being impotent,

everybody who’s erections are not hard enough to penetrate a woman has no temporary ED,

he’s impotent, the most abasing what can happen in a mans live and he is definitely not sexual recovered than in any way!

But my libido is back and I can get sometimes a half sized hardon with premature ejaculation after 10 seconds, fine I’m sexual 75 % recovered, or what?!

The Anhedonia and suicidal depression, forgotten,
has been all depression,
if you really want, you can stopp it, like the psychiatrists say

The unexpecteble state in every second of my life, to be no man anymore, there are so many other things and if you have to hands you can do so much good in the world, cynism, psychotherapy educated mindset?!

The callous humiliation as a man not functioning anymore through my ex fiancee, so many guys lost their relationship through pfs in an abasing way, forgotten

My inability for social connection, forgotten

Muscle wastage, permanent bronchitis and freezing, light sensitivity and hating sunny days, dry eyes, skin like an Komodo voran, dark bags under my eyes, look and feel like a 90 yo man, horrible ammonia body odor, farting and altered gut, fat with breasts, Insomnia in the night, not coming out of bed till midday, reduced ability to remember words, terms, names, not able to stand up from the sofa, sitting in my chair, even lost the connection to my last brave friends and to my own child more and more…

Yes pfs is a joke, if you want to recover, make Maraton training 2 times a week, gym 4 times a week, have sex 3 times a day again, find a new job, eat healthy, live a healthy lifestyle and a satisfying social life, look for hobbies and practice a positive mindset.

And if nothing functions join the endless circle of self fulfilling prophethy: Thats, with talking about my protocol and posting my recovery, recovery has to become real.

But falling deeper and deeper doing nothing leads to suicide

[Exsexgod]

Stockholm syndrome?

As someone who talks about this disease and the perverted brains who developed a drug which mimikris poor asexual hermaphrodites with shrunken genitals and prostates and a pharma cartel lying and denieing about persistent side effects for more than 30 years know, as a personal disaster and a century scandal, is now attacked more and more in a no go way.

But it’s not only me who is attacked as a severe case, being a freak, bad mindset spreader and recovery denier. I know some personally, they are silenced. Isn’t it our forum too?

[LazarusRy]

What a horrible post. Shoe on the other foot. We’ll go around his house and put him in hospital. What a moron. Who is he because I think it’s the same guy who defaced photographs of sufferers

[Exsexgod]

It would be so easy to take finasteride from the market. With a fighting community. 2012 already, big TV in the USA showed interest for Kevin Mullay.

It would be easy to fund big studies. With the dozens of million dollars spent for Hormon Doctors, hormones, illegal steroids, substances, steroid coaches over three decades now. Maybe it would be easy to find a cure in the next time. And give real hope to all of us. If we only want we had this millions.

But nobody talks about the big pink elephant in the room. It’s the agressiv recover’o’mania which brings every aproach to fail. The community has to reflect the last 30 years of deadlock and suffering and to break out of the desperation medication after 30 years of lost lifetime only benefits for some anecdotal lucky ones and a bunge of fakes. And everybody here could had been warned! Nobody here had to suffer this.

I don’t want to start denunciation umong us, so I deleted the screenshot of a comment. But there are not the productive ones and the moderators who hijacked this community and transform the post finasteride syndrome now more and more agressive into a “…” recovery experience. And attack “…” deniers personally.

This cult paralyzes all progress, every solution, and has prevented people like me and thousands of others from being warned for decades.

[Exsexgod]

Like a state secret in North Korea. Like a not tolerated information in China. And a not pharma conform, forbidden topic in the free world:

Murderers, amok runners, suicide murderers like german wings pilot Andreas Lubitz and Michiels the driver from the Sierre bus crash, in Switzerland on SSRI’S.

All Stories - SSRI Stories

Stolen Lives | Antidepressant Risks | UK

German wings suicide pilot Andreas Lubitz on Cipralex and Mirtazapine (Escitalopram, sold under the brand names Lexapro and Cipralex).

In addition to psychotherapy Mr. Lubitz was treated with Cipralex, a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor, and mirtazapine, a drug used to treat major depressive disorders.29 Apr 2015

Swiss tunnel bus driver Michiels on Seroxat (paroxetine).

The accident happened on March 13, 2012. In the Gerunden tunnel, a Belgian coach crashed head-on into a wall of an A9 motorway niche.

28 people were killed, including 22 school children

and the chauffeur. After years of investigation, the cause that led to the accident could never be clearly determined.

The Valais investigation authorities came to the conclusion that “inattention or a fainting fit on the part of the driver” is to be regarded as the most likely cause.

That’s not true, says the Belgian journalist Douglas De Coninck in “Morgen”. He presents this thesis in his book presented on Monday, “1 pill, 28 dead”. He is convinced that the driver drove the bus into the tunnel alcove on purpose.

Michiels, who had been taking the antidepressant Seroxat.

[Exsexgod]

A lawyer for psychmed victims. I wish I 2016 decided to met a psychologist with his character and not the desinteressted nothing I had. Who let me slitter in the crises of my life taking that poison as the final act. And I wish all the FDA, EMA and other agencies officers have his and David Graham’s ethics. Only wishful thinking l know.

My experience in residency and why we opened our practice

[Exsexgod]

Going in my third summer with this shit. The first summer I was totally brainfogged and didn’t ever realize the new reality. But made some disconnected walks through the forest and along the…
Wasn’t able to swim in the litte lake with the nice lido as every summer.
Second summer, I can’t remember anything than sitting with my last friends sometimes in the shadow under the trees.
Now I’m only tired of all. It’s my third summer in the otherworld.

Pfs is no joke!

Not a simple shit, with a stupid fix. Young victims should all try to finde a solution, support the activists fight and not hang up like insane clowns in their weird cycles.

But more and more stand up and fight.

Otherwise you have 60 summers like this ahead.

[Exsexgod]

Now I even loose contact to my family and my last friends. Never leaving the house anymore. Disconnected from the summer outside. With some from the community I’m still connected. They are very active to solve pfs for all, fundraising , networking and bringing things foreward. The young ones need hope, but for me the time runs out in agonism.

Sitting in my chair sometimes alone for half a week, no drive even to use the new stepper or to make a walk, even to go to the Supermarket and the bakery is like walking through a strange area. I wear hoddies and winterjackets, cannot stand the summer weather, I once loved so much, called myself a summer amphibian for living on my boat in the middle of the little lake.

I know so many others live in this way. A too positive image with only talking brings nothing. Everyone who feels recoverd has the power to support.

[Exsexgod]

I saw your heartbreaking Moral Medicine video @LazarusRy! Your fight through decades! I’m inspired by @mstone again, reflecting my thoughts. My friend @JimWildman sitting in his chair like me.

Sometimes I walk around outside with my 150 kg hell belly, weird beard and long hair like Moses. The last friends and family want me not to hang up like a scruffy bum and a living dead. Someone who has eaten up and is an imposition and disturbing appearance for everyone else outside. But there is zero motivation for the third lobotomized summer with me.

[LazarusRy]

I’m so pleased you continue to post on here @Exsexgod it’s like a baron wilderness compared to just a few years ago

[Exsexgod]

All the fears and hope, all the pain and suffering, all that we lost, all the remembering to the old life, all the human relations, heart & soul are behind an huge atomic bunker wall.

Like the fentanyl, heroin and crack scene no one shows feelings and everybody knows all we have to say, every urge for love, support and communication is compensated with the next injection cycle. Sometimes nothing else left from a former personality.

Every personal, intimate, empathic and heartfull communication is broken rapidly after the first sentences by the next: “Did someone use Akashwaga for better libido?” As if personal dialogs are strictly forbidden in the most chat groups.

[Exsexgod]

I hope not only HCG is worth a member post!

Some simple facts from a former molecular biologist about epigenetic. And some companies who work on gen and epigenome edeting.

DNA is found in 22 chromosome pairs, plus the two sex chromosomes xx or xy, condensated at the Mitosis state.

After cell division, DNA is more relaxed, coiled onto histones as chromatin. By reading or shutting down DNA areas, a stem cell is differentiated into a nerve or muscle cell, for example. This “short and long” epigenetic regulation determines when and which DNA area is read and proteins / enzymes etc. are formed.

The violet circle are the cells and tissues, the green cycle the condensated Chromosomes in Mitosis, the red cycle the chromatin regulation and organization (epigenetics) and the yellow the DNA strand and the relaxed Gen expression DNA level (pics wickipedia)

CRISPR/Cas9 gene editing works at the DNA level (hereditary diseases) Chroma Medicine and Tune Therapeutics work in the field of epigenetic editing.

CRISPR/Cas9

https://www.nature.com/articles/d41587-022-00009-x

But before one can intervene, the mechanism (epigenetic rootcase) must be clarified and the possible genetic marker identified (whole genome sequencing).

Antibody reactions, hormone changes, etc. are also triggered somewhere at the (epi)genetic level. The controlled level is set on DNA, epigenome, cell, tissue, organization and interaction.