In my old life I wrote lyric assays about the women I learned to know privat and in all the German sauna clubs or at Adam red light district. This was that I wanted to write and store in a database to make a book of all the stories one day.
But now with the cut off my cock through pharma war machine I have lost every interest in that what I have lived and loved so much my entire life.
I wanted to write about the joy of life, now I write about the torture of life.
Good Friday, 15 Apr 2021
The first day of my crash…
This has apocalyptic dimensions, like an ancient legend, an island of the living dead without a ME banished in pain for all eternity.
Buddy, you know we’re in 2022, right? You’ve lost another year!
Good Friday, 15 Apr 2022
One year now…
This has apocalyptic dimensions, like an ancient legend, an island of the living dead without a ME banished in pain for all eternity
sexgod became exsexgod ，one year now.
it’s a hard time，you are never alone，so many good boy around you.
Can your body accept a penile prosthesis? like hanru said，If you can have sex, can it distract you？
I never ever want to reduce this faith of sexuell activity. I mean your sexuality are all the 3800 altered gen expressions making you man who feels for his family and wants to protect his childs. Who has muscles to be a farmer or a warrior in the archaic community. Who enjoys life in this way a man enjoyes his life in this bipolar world of men and women.
And who has sex to show his loved one his love. Or just have some joyful dates with a woman. This is the highest pleasure given to the people on mother earth. Maybe there is another planet they get an orgasm from meditation.
We are not transgender in our own activity.
We have been castrated and lobotomized for pharma profit a block buster drug, one time forbidden as an archaic brutal inhuman treatment.
是啊，无耻的制药商把我们变成了麻木不仁的“活死人”。
我理解你的感受，因为你说的每一句话都是我想说的，只不过我现在太迟钝了，在经历了9个月的纯粹折磨后，我已经没有力气表达我的愤怒，也没有力气去回忆我以前的感觉，我只是觉得烦，无论我是多么愚蠢地吃下这个狗屎，还是制药商，那些推广非那雄胺的王八蛋之类的，我只想结束这一切。
就像某人说的“找回自己”。
但我觉得这就好比登月，除了社区的科学行动，其它人就像是在干枯池塘里蹦哒的鱼一样瞎折腾，我决定以一种躺平、摆烂的心态对待这一切，有所为有所不为。
你可以试着告诉自己，老子病了，是个基因怪人，我不需要承担任何责任义务，我是世界的旁观者，至于那些垃圾纳粹制药贩子和蹩脚的后门货医生，等我们治愈了再找他们算账。
（我相信你是一个190厘米，幽默风趣的绅士，哪怕是十年后，健康的你依然可以混迹在阿姆斯特丹的红灯区，不是吗？）
Don’t get tangled up with pessimists with pure negative energy every day (although everyone is uncomfortable)…”
So in my diary I tell you every day, how bad I feel. But it doesn’t bring you down, you got more energy. So it’s not my aim to bring someone down.
I don’t write about recovery and how good I feel now, how great my sex is now, because I think just this frustrates all the users hanging down on the ground and see no performance with their body and mind.
For you telling the truth about your life I’m so happy that you make improvements.For everyone who tells the truth I’m happy, even for the liars I’m happy about every improvement. We all in the same boat in strange waters.
When it’s over, can you take me to see the Rhine?
After today, I feel a little uncomfortable.
My friends live a very different life from me.
I just want to play a computer game. As a result, I failed to debug it all day.
I feel like a old old man ，I have to work tomorrow.
I’m to old to think once it will be over. I’m one of the pessimists. In cancer research they examine the epigenetic regulation mechanisms with a billion dollar Etat. No essential cure found.
The good think may be we can once profit from prostate cancer therapy when androgen receptors can be downregulated.
I’m 60 yo now, destroyed since Easter 2021. Exactly one year and I live in the past. Only for my child I confront the ugly presence. And I m to weak to end up my daily crying and self-pity.
I know nobody loves this condition, but I m totally sick of it, because I m a minority in the minority. Millions of elderly men take Proscar for benign prostatic hyperplasia and only some very rare rarities get the PFS.
And I m hurt to deep by my faith to a accept this condition and live the best I can live and try all the recovery protocols and supplements wich can heal PFS to more than 100% even feel better as before PFS. They say, but better than doing nothing and wait for the end of time.
I live in the past. The young guys have to live in the future.
Yes I walked through the UNESCO protected middle Rhine valley on the borderline between the Valley an the little mountain areas beside through the sun exposed plant community over the wine terrasses. Wounderful from castle to castle and little wine village to wine village.
On the other side of the valley I once made a bicycle tour upstream the middle Rhine valley. Back on a riverboat.
never give up，hope is treasure，until death.
I built up a Rokoko castle of a pinky life about 59 years. It has been so wounderful after all with some depressed episodes. A pinky park full of memories an details.
And than I haven’t been careful about me only one night of trouble and I let in pharma war machine and they distroyed all what I built up in my life to a wasted land.
Why the manhood doesn’t fight perverted brains like pharma war machine and war lord’s not the normal medical factories.
365 days one year. 3650 days for ten years, 1825 for 5 years are 5475 days. 5475 days with PFS I have to live till I’m 75
Who are you!
Giving comments like “This guy needs mental help!” to that what Marc wrote and than “Sorry I thought exsexgod wrote this”. I saw the screen shots from another forum.
Loosing our solidarity and blaming a victim who took his own life, as needs mental help is the way the murderers for profit want to have us.
Horrible cun☆s
Someone from a recovery chat blamed me so personally… So I don’t make jokes about the young guys making blood tests every month, trying a new protocol every week, like so many PFS sufferers do with the same substances for two decades now. Some seem to make really great progress. I know some personally. And it gives hope once to have the break through with the right treatment.
Here on PH the protocols now reported in a frame, to show the long lasting effects compareble.
And here are so many people who just want to tell about their feelings. This is therapy too, because the mental state is so important for healing or surrender.
Charles Bukowski said he just write not to get insane.
And so it is for so many sufferers here, sitting alone in their room, apartment or house and the psychosis come out of the walls. Hidden by this syndrome wich eats the personality to a point nobody is listen to you anymore. After a time all friends are gone.
We elder PFS guys ofen have no family no friends. Totally alone with PFS, depressed and isolated from the entire world outside.
I think we all in the same boat. Every body has the right to be heard.
And my Alias exsexgod was born out of total frustration loosing my sexuality overnight. Never wanted to blame younger ones like look I have lived my life already. No, than I wouldn’t be so deep depressed and making sad posts.
“You old guys are still my brothers, even though you’re old enough to be my father, including you, Lazarus.”
Some Veterans, some who has been fucked as seniors. The ultimativ minority with this disease. That sucks. Millions of proscar prescriptions, only three with BPH here???
10 May 2022
I can’t get organized anything anymore. I lay only unwashed in my bed. On the early afternoon I stand up. Everything devastated in my house.
Who lives in such a state too?
Or am I the only one living like an animal?!
I feel so ashamed of it, walking around like a bum, but there is nothing left in my brain.
The younger ones have their parents, who take care.
Mum threw me out today. Tried to explain pfs and my suffering but she didn’t want to hear it. Just laziness and self absortion.
Thank you dear @Capone for your comments.
The time I was young is long ago. But being critizised by my mother lasted till the last years of her life. She got 81 with a good life.
So I can feel who stressy it is if even the own mother doesn’t accept that you suffer an ugly disease and not lazynes or depression.
But you told you feel better after 5 month. I would be very happy, if you could arrange with your condition more or less and leave the state of “Still messed up day in day out”
