Diary of a PFS sufferer

Member Stories
#94

OK thanks, I deleted this awful :disappointed::disappointed::disappointed: sentence.

This was no go.

I don’t want to destroy all hope for the future!!!

But…

I know there are some 100 % success stories and so many recovery stories here. And this gives all the guys hope.

The success in awareness campaigns and research gives a positive mindset too.

On the other hand someone with a shrunken dick, totally impotent for years, suffering all the symptoms, totally lonley in his flat, with no progress, no recovery doesn’t want to hear only “I have sex again, I feel good with my new partner, I’m healed to 90%.” Because than he feels like a total looser, with his maybe worthening symptoms.

He needs the support of others who share the same ugly situation too, to accept this disease not being totally alone.

And nobody is forced here to read the member stories he doesn’t want to read.

My opinion.

1 Like
#95

这是一个可爱的“臭老头”，他天天说着同样的话，就当是替我们大家都说了，我也很想天天抱怨，但我是真的没力气了…希望这件事能有个了断。

我觉得每天记录一下是好事，这是不甘于沉沦的表现，无声才是最可怕的。

谁知道那些病了十几年的人，现在怎么样呢？

1 Like
#96

I’m sorry this has happened to you and understand how hard it is considering your age. But the only thing i can see to help improve yourself is exercising/going to the gym, you could find a health spa with a swimming pool and sauna as both these helped me, taking supplements, and just practicing mindfulness, read some philosophy or anything just to keep you distracted from dark thoughts. Breathing exercises also help me relax. It may not be enough but I know I don’t want to go to the grave knowing I didnt do everything I could to fight. You will not see results in the beginning. I’m a young guy and I was bed bound in the beginning after doing a few weights but over 3 months I have seen definite improvements. Also changing your diet. I started drinkng homemade fruit veg smoothies and this gives me more energy to get through the day. Start small and every day/week just try to do a bit more. I know this might not offer much condolence or new info but I have been reading your diary for a while and thought it was worth saying something.

4 Likes
#97

I was a daily member of the Osho Centers Kundalini yoga and the Hare Krishna temple practiced all the positive mindset, chakra meditation, deep breath and healthy nutrition. I have been a biologist walking through the nature and cured my livestyle than by macrobiotic fasting.

But now every thing failed. I have no motivation to use all that anymore. I’m totally hurt by the poison and I want to blame the authorities and readers from healthcare professions to think about this awful faiths.

Staying in the psychiatric ward I informed them all about PFS and PSSD. Most never heard of it. Doctors of medicine specialized in Psychiatrie. Propecia Help is the first adress they read. If they ever do!!

3 Likes
#98

First of April 2021

Dear Mercks and Urologist who don’t care about post finasteride syndrome. I have been a late father. I was so proud and my child called me the funniest father of the world.

Today she said: “…in the time you was still funny…!” Now a year ago, my personality changed to a zombified. It’s the sadest thing that I loose my contact even to my own child. A year ago I had a stunning woman, lots of friends and a life full of action and sports.

Today I m tired. I didn’t sleep the night. Only thinking, what have I done, throating that murder poison.

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#99

Im much better now with DHEA, the only problem it not solve is erection, but all others are much better, dont losing time! Make Something!!!

1 Like
#100

Thank you. Some PFS friends told me of HCG for muscle loss. I let myself hanging down for one year. The first year I thought I’m in something like a between life, between the teal life and the after life. I ignored my presence. So I hang in bed all the time or run psychotic through the kitchen and floor, thinking It’s not my real life. And I have been in my old life not registrating how could this happen.

So I did nothing for my muscles and my body for one year, only hanging in bed fatuiged and ordered cheeseburger, pizza beer and wine. Or bought Schoko Kisses or cheesballs ate raw Brat - Sausage.

Now one year passed by and I haven’t committed suicide. Maybe I have to live now the last 10 or twenty years.

Hope DHEA helps too. To give me energy, building muscles and clear up my mind.

1 Like
#101
  1. April 21

Walking up and down in my :house:house day in day out. High Cortisol Stresshormone driven. In regret. In one day for a year now. I do nothing else. It’s a severe psychosis, it’s really psychopathic, but brain is damaged by PFS.

I can’t accept that I threw away my manhood and my erections in a awful :disappointed: insane story of let the things pass by into the catastrophe.

My prostate and my cock the most important parts of my body and entire life. And what did I do. Nothing. I let a fucking doctor frickle. No second opinion from a serious urologist, no internet check after he handed out the castration instrument called finasteride just to try like drops. It’s so unbelievable!

Every fucking sunscreen I check of nano particles and than I throat a chemical castration medication without any critical thinking :thinking::thinking::thinking:

In this endless circle I hang in for a year now. A toxic relationship under pressure, flashed not able for a logical thought.

A maligne Psychotherapy where I never talked about the important things in my life, a Blondie never asked anything about my possession, self harming, let me drive into the catastrophe.

3 Likes
#102

4 April 2021

I was so healthy. Made my bicycle tours since I was 14. Worked in the garden. Swim the whole summer in our lake. Made Walks, hikes and Nordic Walking for decades.

Ok, I have been a binge eater and coma buzzer all my life. But after a freak out period I lived heathy again, with fruits and vegetables and fasting.

I thought I’m a topfit and healthy 30 yo like man until I m 70 years old. My only problem has been my prostate. I planed to inform myself about the best treatments with competent doctors. Than I let a criminal back door urologist frickle on my prostate in a old fashioned castration praxis, praying finasteride as best option.

No everything is lost. And I can’t believe that I walked through my life so foolish. Today I hang in bed. I have an appointment with the manager of my rented house and my supervisor who organize my life. I’m barely able to wash my clothes and don’t forget it in the washing machine and make the basic functions in my life.

I’m 60 yo now and I don’t dream of a sugar daddy life with nice women and planing events for good life, I only dream of a bed in a geriatric hospital where I can lay in bed all the time, waiting to die.

I only want to die. Please :pray: let me die. I have no fun anymore.

2 Likes
#103

10th April make´s 10 years of my PFS and this is painful, unfortunately i only recently found out what to do to improve, i lost a lot of life with this shit.

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#104

Incredible that this eutanasia drug is still prescribed. Incredible that after 25 years of this inhuman and barbarian side effects I never heard of it before I killed myself with this scat. I thought everything will be fine after quitting, like the murder leaflet let me think. ED can hold on after quitting. Maybe, may not, maybe two weeks???

For you now ten years suffering. For me one year. I can’t believe that you faced the torture for a decade. You must have a supportive family you live with, integrated in the daily routine. Or working in a job what brings you other thoughts.

Staying alone at home, disconnected from all leads straight into the suicide. It’s only the fear of not to do it. Last chance is joining a supported living not to go totally insane.

1 Like
#106

April 5 2021

Today my entire house have been cleaned up by a roommate. I live in a very good little city in the Rhine area. I have enough money to spend a good life. I’m 60 yo and father of a little daughter. Everything could be fine. (I donated PFS network already, but not enough after all. If you need a tissue probe of an old PFS sufferer from Proscar I’ll go to Schleswig Holstein University.)

But I suffer PFS now for one year and I think I m the most frustrated user of Propecia Help. Yes I m the crying baby.

Positive comments and only success stories and the 100 % heeling of all PFS cases you can read on some other PFS websites.

So I wounder sometimes, if all the protocols get you a 100 % healing, why PFS is still a problem but it seems to be.

On the other hand the medical community denies the existence of PFS, pssd, pas and pms to nearly 100 %. We are the statistical irrelevant few severe cases every medication has and we are depressed and our condition doesn’t exist in the ICD 10.

There are so much younger ones, fucked really early in their lifes by Accetuane, totally useless SSRIS wich people only make fatuiged and beheaded and Propecia, this totally dangerous poison only for cosmetic reason. Most sufferers are able to arrange with this condition even with ED, mental and muscle problems.

They find their way to try all the different treatments and protocols, live a healthy lifestyle and use all available coping strategies.

We elderly men with PFS from Proscar against benign prostatic hyperplasia are a minority in a minority. So I think our bodies and souls haven’t the energy to fight the fight for a life without emotions and without sexuality, what means a partner for the old days too.

But we have to, because my little daughter needs her daddy. So I m forced to live with this condition, wich gives me not any quality of life anymore.

Fuck the day I took the first pill one year ago.

Blockquote

4 Likes
#107
  1. April 2021

Another anhedoic day. I have lost all abilities. I need a supervisor, room cleaner and help even for the basic things. I stay at home alone.
If someone won’t read don’t read it.

One year after crash. One year of a total surreal existence. From a handsome lucky creazy guy to a hospitalized animal in my own house. Walking the same distance from the kitchen to the floor and back for hours, for days, weeks, months, years…
The same thoughts all the time. How could life happened in my phantasy so that after all I didn’t throat the poison pills.

A break, sit on my chair, browse this forum day in day out, to see that I m not the only one who suffers in this torture chamber. I’m not interested in protocols and success stories anymore. It’s fine if someone gets out of this hell or someone arrange with this state of life, but I believe in nothing anymore.

Fall asleep. I’m so tiered again, like a 89 yo man. Why this shit is not deadly! Tired fatuiged all the time. And than between agitated in a kind of Akasthasia. What a torture. I don’t want this anymore. I want to die.

5 Likes
#108

Yeah now positive vibrations!!

I take Bupoprion for two days and drank a bottle of rose wine this evening

and believe it or not…

I’m totally drunken.

Fuck that’s a great feeling. Drunken buzzed binge drank im 10 minutes the first time after the crash one year ago.

4 Likes
#109

Holy crap that is fantastic. Gotta ask…have you been caffeine insensitive and if so any change there?

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#111

It have been a 0,75 l but I drank a glass :wine_glass: the evening before.

1 Like
#113

8 April 21

Sad days again

I lie in bed and think about the fact that I don’t want to live like this anymore. All the friends, women, people I knew are gone. I’m just lonely and sad. For me, anhedonia is like a steel stake rammed into my body through my mouth. That’s how painful my endless emotional pain I feel.

With normal depressions you live in a dark mood too but you feel love for your family and friends, sexual feelings for women. And the periods pass by when the situation changes. The PFS Anhedonia is permanent and not like a depression it’s a permanent a lifelong never ending torture. Every second of your life.

And the permanent regret. Why I didn’t check the internet. Why I trusted in the gaslighting leaflet.

2 Likes
#114

嘿，老头，今天我喝了啤酒但是没什么特别的

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#115

I wish I was an old man when I throated this murder medication. But with 59 you are in your best years. Many people live their 60ties in a totally fit shape. So 20 years stolen by pharma war machine.

For others their whole life is tortured by Merck and pharma cartel. Much more dangerous than all the Mexican drug cartels. But I want nobody is stolen any second of his life from this murder medication.

Yeah normally alcohol doesn’t bang a PFS damaged brain anymore. So you have to wait for the right moment.

2 Likes
#116

“老头”是一个爱称，在中国，我们冠以“老”字，表示亲昵，比如“老板”=“boss”，“老乡”=“来自同一个地方的人”，类似的还有“老哥”“老弟”之类的。

我的父亲为了验证我说的话，他自己也尝试吃了非那雄胺，他比你小一点，只不过他因为骨折手术，打了麻药，导致了阳痿，他没有精神方面的问题，也没有停药后的崩溃，PFS真的是默克放出来的一个魔鬼，我们一定要战胜他！

1 Like