Hi Luckfax
I agree, I was not the worst and was lucky to have these brief recoveries - even in the early days as you note. However what I remember most of past 3 years was long swathes of time not having recoveries and desperation for 98% of the time. It was many months of the state you describe (terrible) punctuated by short episodes (longest was about 10 days). It was terrible enough for me mate, believe me.
Regarding 0-10% libido forever - i also did have 0% libido, i had that good and proper. When i first met this girl i had to dose up on zinc + arginine to have sex. I may have wrote about it in my thread. I’d often go to bed with her with pills falling out my pockets and she would ask what it was - well it was so i could have sex, which of course I had to lie about. Of course diminishing returns of the supplements and all that, but sex was only ever once followed by a weeks gap sometimes longer. This girl actually has very low libido in my view and it is something I have to come to terms with now I am back to normal. However, during PFS that was actually a blessing. So I hope that gives you some understanding of what went on in my life and how it stacks up.
I really believe wholeheartedly that those that hit rock bottom and stay there permanently in the way you describe are simply doing the wrong things permanently. There are simply too many obstacles and stressors for the body to even start to heal. An example of that might be something very subtle like a multivitamin which has some compound that isn’t right for you, the time you get out of bed or consuming milk (this latter one was something I was late to realise, cow’s milk in its neat form is really bad news for humans). For most of my journey it felt like i could not shift the state back to normal - like a complete block. Particularly Y1-2. I had so much hope though due to the brief recoveries - if you’ve ever had the same, you have got to wonder about it surely. Even if it’s just once when you took citro, or iodine, or whatever?
Muscle wise actually it was a while before I noticed it. As in 9 months in or something. I think it was wrists first, followed by base of legs, hair loss as well and pubic region hair loss. Then lower arms started to go very thin and finally shoulders/upper arms in year 1/2, I could see the bones and no muscle. Only when I started looking at diet and focusing heavily on sleep through cognitive experiments that i started to observe positive changes - it was really hard work though, required a lot of commitment and sacrifice. Then very occasionally with my efforts i’d hit a recovery episode and these things quickly got better, as in days to return to almost normal. Last year was spent in and out of these phases, depending very much on my regime until it was so refined and things just got better and better, easier and easier.
Anxiety in the 1 month post crash - panic attacks etc. And several more episode like it in the 4 months post. Eventually it faded and i was left completely numb. I had to cut my Dad out of my life for almost 1 year (just completely cut him out) as he didn’t understand and his negative energy was a large obstacle. Surely mood swings is implicit - i was frustrated. Cognitive problems - yes, awful. I had to take 3 weeks off work out of the blue after crashing - was crushed completely. Clawed my way back into the office but it was very very difficult - i lost alot of friends at work because people either thought i was rude or didn’t like them any more, or I had simply lost my mojo. My career at the company took a nosedive (i was previously a high flying graduate) and i became very average, unable to perform, focus, engage in conversation, be witty and enthusiastic. Everything gone.
My career at said company - large well know household brand - was irrecoverable in my view. Even though I got back to normal - all my connections were severed and it just wasn’t the same for me, for them too. The vibe was lost if you get me, all due to my issues. Well towards the end of last year, as I knew i had almost got through PFS, i started job hunting and performed brilliantly through interviews and tests etc. Eventually i found an excellent new job and life is pretty much, well - it’s back on track.
I’d just like to finish and say, I may not have been the worst on average, but i’ve seen and been in the darkest places too mate. I had the suicidal thoughts/tenancies etc. in the first year. Waking up in the middle of the night sweating/panicking/heart racing, barely any sleep, pissing all the time. Fucking awful. Believe me when I tell you, normal healthy bacteria had an opportunity to multiply to unprecedented levels and spread around the body - testicles, prostate, lungs, brain, adrenals, everything - at some point due to propecia. That might be when you come off the drug, when you start. It doesn’t matter - there’s something about the way it reacts down there and the impact it has on the colon. I also agree that all of us had weaker than optimal guts to start with - which is why we had problems and others didn’t.
Chi
