Cap's Story

Here’s another recovery I found on a different forum.

The author of the thread (different person) took about a year or so to get pretty much back to normal (he had zero libido and ED I think). I found another guy on that forum who also got back to normal after about a year, after taking the poison for 8 years.

Just goes to show that there are lots of recoveries out there that we don’t know about. I think most guys with this issue probably suffer in silence because it’s very embarrassing. If they suffer in silence and eventually recover, they’re going to keep that to themselves and pretend it never happened. Like this guy for example (viewtopic.php?f=1&t=5473). The only reason we know about that story is because he decided on the fly to make a post on some random thread years after the fact and someone from here just happened to come across it. I’m not trying to downplay the seriousness of PFS or even say that the odds are in our favor when it comes to recovery, but thinking the odds are even a little better than how they often seem on here can bring about a lot of hope. Stay strong, everyone.

Just keep at it brother. No matter what happens keep an iron will, research and make a plan and execute. Best of luck to you.

I don’t know what the fuck is going on but the last few days have been a nightmare. I somehow slipped into a horrifying depressive/anxious state. It’s not even just me being sad about being fucked up, it’s like this mental state just totally consumed me out of nowhere. I’ve spent whole nights pacing around my apartment, crying hysterically, freaking the fuck out until I take a bunch of melatonin and pass out. I get up and cry, cry during work, cry on the drive home, cry at home. It’s a fucking nightmare. I’m scared to death. At one point I went into the kitchen and grabbed a knife, then kind of snapped out of whatever trance state I was in and threw it down and shouted, “WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?” Jesus fucking christ. I’m getting startled by everything, I can’t handle the slightest stress or I freak out and my brain fog flares up and I can’t speak. What the fuck have I done to myself? Why did I take this shit? I’ve destroyed my fucking life, forever, for nothing. FOR NOTHING. I COULD SO EASILY BE FINE RIGHT NOW GOD FUCKING DAMNIT WHAT DID I EVER DO TO ANYONE TO DESERVE THIS. My girlfriend and I are “on a break” right now. I’m going to talk with her this weekend. If it ends up being over, I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. Even if it’s not I don’t fucking know I feel like an agitated exposed nerve all the time. I feel like I’m trapped in the body of someone I hate. I wish I had the strength of those of you who have been fighting far worse for years, but I don’t. I’m weak. I can’t do it. Pax had it right, the person I used to be wouldn’t want to see me like this. He’d hate me. I’m so fucking scared. FUCK YOU MERCK FUCK YOU DOCTOR I HAD A LIFE YOU MOTHER FUCKERS BURN IN HELL FUCKFUCKFUCKL:KJANIOL:HKWEfiphuj4weaiohujb3tgra3wephu34t

Cap dude the way i see this is we’re all coming down very hard on ourselves for taking this shit. Everybody makes mistakes dude, what was our crime exactly? All we wanted was to keep our hair. If you had known this was a potential risk you would not have done it, neither would I. Neverthless you are here now and you are enduring this. Important thing here is to not see ourselves as victims or even see this as a curse. See it more as a challenge, a very difficult challenge. know that however long it takes… this too shall pass even if the path is unclear. I’ve been in this state for over a year and a half dude. I currently weigh 65 KGz, skinny as fuck and my hair is shedding like its on fucking fire and just a few months ago my shit didnt work! Just 2 years ago i was 85 KGz of lean muscle, full head of hair, there was not any chick I wouldve been scared to approach, I was pissing confidence, an ectomorph by birth turned into hulk. But I am here now too, just like you and rest of us. I lost it all, Hot girlfriend who told me she has “no respect for me whatsoever” after I broke down infront of her after I couldnt perform in bed. She dumped me for a another dude and played me like a pawn knowing I was weak. I lost my hair, my body and my mind and nearly my job as well all when my future at my organisation was in doubt and I had just committed to building my dream house. I was in a very difficult spot scraping around for $10 for my next meal, thinking about another dude banging my ex-misses all whilst my sexuality and what makes me a man had been taken away from me. The point i’m trying to make is this too shall pass just hang in there and fight to the bitter end man. We’re all here to support each other and help each other out hence my post to you. I know what you are going through.

I still have friends who are on finasteride who i’ve been pleading with to stop but they are in the same mindset that i was in 2 years ago. They say “fuck that dude I need my hair bro!”. We we’re all of the same mentality before this shit fucked us up so again, do not be too hard on yourself. Its like with anything, until you get burnt you don’t fear the fire! Now you are in a state where everything is fire. The only advice I can give to you is watch the thoughts in your mind man cos I found that out the hard way… half the problem is there and the other half is your body right now. Try and get your mind under control first, get that cortisol down and then come up with an action plan using any and all resources available to you. Recovery is a marathon and not a sprint, and just imagine that you sort this problem out one day… from that day forth there will be nothing that scares you! You will be one of those who have conquered a mountain and battled your demons and survived… just imagine that day of victory and work towards it!

get yourself a copy of the following books they certainly helped me out immensely!

The power of now - Eckhart Tolle (control your mind)
The wheel of time - Carlos Castenada (build a warrior ethos)

Then define a recovery plan & execute and keep trying until you get there… if a Dr won’t help you… get the meds yourself from any means necessary and treat yourself… that’s exactly what i am doing.

Hang in there brother!

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Hold on dude - have another chat to your dad and maybe go stay with him for a while. Take sick leave if you have to. You need to have someone with you right now.

If those thoughts start to get nasty maybe you need to go to hospital for a bit. It’s really important you
pull through this. There are better days on the other sode i promise. PM me bru!

Agreed. Get with family or close friends if you can. Take a break. You don’t have to face it alone. I had this exact same thing happen to me during my crash and after and it got better. Yoga, meditation, sunlight. You will come out of this slowly but surely.

cool post dude. this is pr much what i’m doing exactly.

also yeah Cap, you might want The Power of Now but i really, really think that instead of protocols etc worrying over bullshit, get or loan Tolle’s “New Earth” - book. it sounds like new age bullshit but you really need to learn the concept of pain body, presence, ego etc and start seeing them to your life. otherwise you’ll just finish yourself (or prevent a recovery) with stress alone lol and no recovered or determined idk “warriors” do that.

Thanks for all your posts. I really appreciate you guys being there. I wish I could say they’ve made me feel better, but honestly I feel worse than ever. Lately I’ve developed some muscle twitching and the pain in my left nut that I had when I first quit Fin has returned. I haven’t been to the gym in a couple months due to my money situation, so these things could very well be alleviated through that. I sit down all day at work then come home and sit in front of the computer or go to sleep, so I doubt that’s helping. But honestly, I’m in a place where I really just don’t care anymore. I literally spend every waking moment thinking about this shit. I’m either beating myself up for doing this to myself or horrified about my future or lack thereof. I hate every minute I’m awake. I hate myself, the person I am now. I’m sad I’ve alienated so many of my friends and loved ones, but in a way I wish the rest of the people who care about me would leave me as well so I wouldn’t feel obligated to continue living. I’ve tried to be the cheerleader of the forum, keeping everyone’s spirits up. I really liked doing that. But as each day passes and I don’t get better, or I get worse, my hope of ever returning to normal fades. I’ve tried telling myself maybe I’ll be one of the lucky ones that recovers naturally over time, but that’s so unlikely the notion is laughable. There are people on here that took 10 pills and they’re messed up 7 years later. What hope do I have? I can’t delude myself forever. I wish I could believe the foundation has a cure right around the corner and hang onto that, but I can’t. The sad reality is that I destroyed my own life. I knew better, every atom of my body told me not to take this stuff, but I did it anyway, and here I am. I know I sound like a broken record, and I try hard to get over the regret, but I can’t. It replays in my head over and over. I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate that a minute doesn’t pass where I’m not crushed by this nightmare. I’m in a really really weird place right now. I don’t know what to do or think. My hysterical state around the time of my last post has melted into this state where I’m just hopeless… numb… I don’t know. I miss my old life. I miss it so much. I can’t believe this has happened. I’m not a bad person. I’ve always put other people first, trusted people, done everything I can to be good. I don’t understand why this happened to me. I’ve always been so careful, especially with drugs. It just doesn’t seem like a decision I would have made, especially given things I had read about. I’m smarter than that. I’ve always been so skeptical of things like Propecia. I just don’t get it. I don’t even remember the moment I decided to start taking them after they sat in my bathroom for a couple weeks. Why did I do it? I miss my life, my friends, my girlfriend. This time last year I was going to a music festival, loving life, girls passing by were telling me how hot I am. Everything was perfect. Now it’s all gone, forever. There’s no hope. I can’t do this. I can’t. Icanticantcant.

I think it would be best if I take a very long break from here. I’m sorry to anyone I’ve ever offended on here, and I hope I’ve inspired some to keep going on. I hope I come back one day with a recovery story, but if I don’t, please, if you have the strength, keep fighting, and when you have your life back enjoy every single second of it. Don’t take anything for granted. Stay strong and keep fighting as hard as you can until that day comes. Goodbye.

Cap My story is like you. I have hated meds all of my life even I have avoided Anti boitics too. I had burning in my urine, thin stream. Doctor gave me flomax caps. they gave me headache and I started searching for natural solution, thinking natural are safer. I found Saw palmetto and read it is good for hairloss too and here I am cursing every day after four year. No improvement. If I take one step forward then next day two steps backward.

Hello. I said I was taking a break from the forum, and that is true, I’ve been very good about it over the last month or so and it has definitely reduced my depression and stress. However, I just got my bloodwork back today and since I’m assuming the foundation combs over these stories for data (if they don’t, they should) I thought I’d post the results.

The doctor tested everything except estrogen, that includes T, thyroid hormones, reverse thyroid hormones, blood cell count, pretty much everything, even minerals. I don’t really want to type all of that out and she said the lab used a goofy range for the T values, so I’ll just post a cliffnotes version of what we went over.

  1. Fortunately, it appears my brain is still signaling my balls to make T, so I don’t have to worry about being on TRT for life. That was a relief. However, it’s sluggish about it, which brings me to…

  2. My T has totally tanked. It’s incredibly low. I was fully expecting it to be “fine” along with everything else, like most PFS guys. To my surprise that was not the case, but again, fortunately my body is still making it properly, just not as much as it should.

  3. She said my thyroid was working fine, but was turning things into reverse T3 instead of T3, or something. I didn’t fully understand this to be honest, but it seemed like she wasn’t worried about it in the context of everything else and the treatment we outlined. We also ruled out hashimoto’s so we know my body isn’t attacking my thyroid, which is also good news.

  4. My red blood cell count was low, but not so low as to be anemic, so not a huge issue. White blood cells were fine.

  5. My DHEA is through the roof, to the point where she asked if I was supplementing it. Weird, but apparently lots of DHEA is good?

  6. HGH good, adrenal function good, so it seems adrenal fatigue isn’t involved.

  7. Vitamin B12 and Folate were really low, especially Folate. She said this was very important as it is involved in DNA, which I think droit and others are discussing in another thread. She gave me a fish oil and mineral supplement, the mineral one has tons of folate. So we’ll see how that works.

  8. Prostate appears to be fine.

  9. Liver isn’t working as well as it should. I don’t drink, so it appears Fin did some damage there.

  10. DHT is low, which is odd because my hair loss has been out of control. Maybe stress? Maybe I’m way more sensitive to DHT now? I dunno. I hope as my T recovers my hair loss doesn’t ramp up even further. This is still a very large source of depression for me. I’m hoping and praying it’s just stress from this whole mess and it will even out.

So basically it seems like everything is okay except my testosterone, which is totally wrecked. So perhaps in my case, my main issue is low T, and if I can boost that it’s possible I could recover like this dude viewtopic.php?f=22&t=2199. The last time I had genuine libido and initiated sex was at the start of March, after a month of working out. She wants to start me on Testosterone Cypionate (90mg) injections once per week to get my T up, which I didn’t agree to at the time but I am considering. I fully believe she knows exactly what she’s doing, she seems incredibly intelligent and is very kind, I’m just very scared of any kind of TRT because of the stories I’ve read on here about it making some people worse. She said this specific form of it is bioidentical (I think) and should not interfere with the body’s natural production, especially at such a low dose. I dunno, I’m still mulling it over. I’m just very scared of getting worse. I’m definitely going to start a heavy excersize routine now, maybe I can supplement Tribulus or something as well.

Anyway, that’s all for now. I’m actually semi hopeful now, the low T thing at least gives me a target to shoot for, plus I’ve ruled out some even worse case scenarios like being primary hypo or hashimotos. So here’s hoping I come back here one day with a recovery story for you. Good luck everyone. Keep fighting.

  1. My DHEA is through the roof, to the point where she asked if I was supplementing it. Weird, but apparently lots of DHEA is good?

i remember that my DHEA was also very high…the reason for that to happen is that our bodies are using it in the right way…leaving the body with too much of it…once i started the treatment with my doctor, it kept going down…lower and lower, Im about to do a new one by thursday, and then ill post it here to compare.

yeah, and for some reason your body is turning your T3 into Reverse T3. That usually happens when there is adrenal fatigue, uh anemia (iron supplement fixes this), ugh pretty much anything that is stressing your body to hell. You can relatively easily fix hypothyroidism + adrenal fatigue if you follow Paul Robinson’s Circadian T3 Rhythm - protocol (tho it still requires some work)…
but that B12 and folate is that low… you might want to look into methylation and Phoenix Rising forum. i’m pr green about it unfortunately but those are definitely connected to Chronic Fatigue syndrome.

EDIT gahhhh im not always sure emptying a cartload of info is the best wat to go. but yeah like braziliandude says, high DHEA could mean that your adrenals are out of whack/they’re overstressed, working overtime. Since we don’t have your adrenal tests then we can’t tell if the doctor went about it the right way or not, unfortunately. But yeah, dude this gave you a lot of new clues to go on about your problem.

And pain in left nut is a prostatitis sympton like, almost always. That’s the least of your worries/don’t worry about it. Twitching etc could be lack of magnesium or problems with nutrient ratio in general…so relax. If you want to try, you can see if taking L-Tyrosine (like when you feel like shit or got brainfog or right after masturbation for post-masturbation fog/depression) changes how you feel at all.

Your biggest problem is yourself man. I told you about those books but basically, what i think is going on is that your body semi-forces you into depression/depressive thoughts and you feed on that by being absorbed into your problems. If you want to fix something, then it’s the brain-related problems. Don’t give up…

Yes exactly, i wrote it wrong…theres too much of dhea because the body is not using it the right way.

Here are some recovery stories that have helped me in dark times. Maybe they can make some others feel better. A lot of them aren’t in the recovery section.

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=4270 (Actually spoke with this guy recently. He’s still 100%. Took him about a year and a half. Says he doesn’t even think about it anymore.)

viewtopic.php?f=22&t=4070

viewtopic.php?f=22&t=4021

viewtopic.php?f=22&t=941

viewtopic.php?f=22&t=2491

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=2809

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=696

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=695 (This counts as two. Person mentions another recovery toward the bottom.)

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=4996

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=5473

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=857&start=20

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=6095

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=601

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=6851

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=4795

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=5628

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=5981

viewtopic.php?f=27&t=4892

viewtopic.php?f=27&t=6115

There are a few other scattered random posts in unrelated threads of people getting better but they’re really hard to track down. A few I can recall:

  • One guy “worked out like an animal” for two years and recovered.
  • One guy recovered from brain fog through his faith in god, which is ridiculous but clearly he naturally recovered over time, so that counts.
  • blase mentioned being in contact with 3 people who recovered between 5 and 12 months.
  • My friend took a year to recover his sex drive
  • LATE’s thread

There are also a few I posted earlier in the thread. Hope this helps someone feel better.

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Thank you for that recovery directory. I think it would help to have it highlighted (stickied?) and kept up-to-date. I often find that, on the bad days, it helps to read a positive story.

That’s not even all of them, and I’ve found others on other forums. Keep that in mind when you’re feeling down. Stay strong.

I will be posting an alcohol thread soon, this month I have had incredible improvements

Finatruth, please post your improvements. I really need to hear some good news from somebody.

I’d definitely love to hear about them. Especially if they’re improving the baseline.

Alcohol, where did that come from?

Although I would be interested to know peoples thoughts on Alcohol use on or off Propecia