Cant deal with this anymore

Coping
#1

Hi guys

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been trying to stay positive, but everything just seems pointless. I keep getting these weird thoughts that this is just a dream, but it’s fucking reality. I try to force myself to go out and enjoy shit, but I can’t keep faking it. When I laugh, it’s not genuine, and then I catch myself doing it and it just makes me miserable. My skin well break out after a few drinks, but I don’t feel any buzz. These past days I’ve tried to get as much sun as possible, the other day I just woke up with red rash/melasma like spots over my entire body. My knees have become so weak, along with dry and cracking hips. I know this is kind of pointless to write about as most of us can already relate to this. I just want to end it man, I am in a relationship but I can’t feel anything. My family thinks I have gone crazy, and I can’t blame them, who would have thought this was possible? Time is just passing by, wasting what should have been the best years of my life. What even is time anymore, days just pass by like minutes stuck in this misery.

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#2

Hi man.

I have no answers to your problems, as you can imagine. But maybe I can give you a reason to carry on a little more.

Time is just passing by, wasting what should have been the best years of my life.

It’s pretty hard to witness a good portion of your life just passing by without being able to gain any pleasure out of it. Especially when we are talking about your 20’s or 30’s. And this is a thought I deal with every single day of my life, every freaking minute I’m not asleep.

But I’ll tell you something.

I look at other people’s lives. And they are mostly pointless.

I see people ruining their days over the silliest things you can imagine. Things you’ll give both of your legs to trade your problems with. Years ago I came to the conclusion that as much as we legitimately hate pain (because… guess what, it’s painful), it’s probably the only thing in life that can shape you into a better, stronger person.

There’s nobody that deserves conditions like ours. Often time I fantasize about being able to trade the shit I have with some of the conditions people are deadly scared of. But all the shit I’ve been through radically reshaped my vision of the world.

I now get what’s important in life. I can now understand the difference between what I really want and nevrotics desires. My pain threshold got so freaking high I’m sure if I’ll ever manage to heal from this, I’ll be scared of nothing.

To take your life isn’t brave. But quite frankly wouldn’t make you a coward.

It’s just a decision. Something I’m constantly thinking about.

But let’s put it this way: if you take your life you’ll never have the chance to heal and to see how strong you could be once the storm has passed.

Sticking around we’ll give you that chance.

And yes, probably is a 1% chance. But you only got one shot at this thing called life.

So again, I obviously have no answer for you. But maybe you can find a reason to carry on in the desire to see what your identity will look like when you are past this nightmare.

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#4

I appreciate the reply, wish I could give you a hug man. Even though people waste their life on pointless stuff, atleast they are able to do so. I’m just wasting it laying in bed. Sorry for the negativity, it has been hard to be positive lately. It’s painful watching yourself go from this passionate human being full of joy and ambition to an empty shadow of yourself. I keep telling myself this is temporary, but I’m just fooling myself at this point I feel like. Some days I will get a spark of hope, I will feel good, then crash a few days later, returning to the same hopeless baseline. Just for once, I want to wake up, and feel happy. Feel the androgens working, feel joy from the things I once used to love. Getting that dopamine rush after working out, the feel good hormones. Feel the presance of a woman, feel my own body. Everything is just numb, mentally and physically.

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#5

Believe me, I know what you are talking about.

How long have you been off the poison?

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#6

I’m so afraid to get bedbound
but Im so afraid to leave the House
Im so afraid to meet people.

#7

I never used Finasteride, but a DHT derivative compund. I have been off it for 2 years. I know people will say I’m just having hypogonadal symptoms, but my bloodwork is normal. When I crashed, I had heart palpations, digestive issues, pain in my testicles and stomach, brain fog. insomnia, pins and needles feeling in my hands and feet. Finasteride is not the only trigger, genetically predisposed for endocrine failure. I’m having all the symptoms still, except heart palpations.

#8

What Kind of DHT inhibiting compound? If I May ASK…

#9

What about emotions and sexual function? Are you ok from that standpoint?

#10

The beginning is the worst phase, give it some time, it will get better, atleast the mental symptoms.

#11

Absolutely not. Genitals are completely numb and shrunken. No visual arousal, not able to «feel». Also have constant tinnitus.

#12

Are emotions fine? If so, it’s a very, very good start.

Ever thought about TRT?

#13

Thats Sounds awfull. But there are much more here in this forum with this. But WE know Not anything about you
How old are you. Wich Country
Here in pur international Family

#14

I don’t know, I feel neutral all the time. I don’t ever feel happy. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to cry, but then it just stops. It’s strange man. Also have pressure in my head and feel like I’m inside a box all the time. What about you? I don’t want to try TRT yet, and it’s impossible to get it where I am from at my age.

#15

I’m from Norway, 23 years old.

#16

I’m not in good shape. Let’s leave it at that.

You could try probiotics. I never read any negative report on this site, and some of us benefited from them.

#17

How long since you quit?

#19

My story is one of a kind. Quit in march 2019, crashed on December 30th, same year. After crashing I recovered like 90% in 45 days or so, but I stressed myself into several crashes.

To this day, I’m not even sure I have this underlying genetic/autoimmune condition rather than an hormonal/nutritional unbalance, considering how quickly I was recovering.

All I know is I responded quite well to low dose Vitamin C, so I coltivate the hope it could be the second scenario, althought I’m scared about supplements.

#20

How long did you use Fin?

#22

What symptoms do you have as of today? Did any symptoms subside since the crash?

#23

Many people don’t respond positively to TRT, it helps abit with fatigue etc but no relief in sexual symptoms. Seen it countless times.