I will be taking a break from the site. Mew has asked me to confirm it in this thread. Hopefully i will come back in 6-8 months and i will be better.
All the best guys.
I can’t believe this,bluecloud is the only one who really seems to be trying to help everybody out here, i mean come on, look at our situation, unbelievable.
Bluecloud/sanfran55/joe91/uk20 is a reckless idiot who changes his name and story every five days.
Cheers for that Tim
Anyway, i just want to jot down some thoughts…
I am beginning to realize all the changes in my body and now have the ability to correlate them with how i am feeling. There are many small things that have changed with me since PFS. I do not produce yellow bogies, instead what comes out of my nose is completely clear. Two days ago i had a very good day and i noticed that in the morning i had some yellow bogies and a stuffed up nose in the morning like i used to EVERY morning pre finasteride. I hardly fart anymore and when i do they do not smell like they used to, i have been letting off some rather potent farts as of late. When i feel good, my eczema on my scrotum clears up almost immediately - eczema cleared up. I do not feel the excitement of going out, getting dressed and having drinks as i used too. I know that is all gross stuff but it’s amazing how many bodily functions PFS has affected. Pretty much everything that makes you a typical manly man has been wiped away. That is the best way i can put it. We are broken and more feminized.
Tonight i was also reflecting on the month/ weeks before i crashed coming off finasteride. I used medications such as antibiotics, cortisone creams, anti histamine’s, rogaine foam and nizoral for the very first time in my life. Before i used these medications all i had ever taken was aspirin for headaches and hangovers, i had never even been to the doctor’s before. After using these medications i spent a week away with friends on a typical teenage holiday and consumed ridiculous amounts of alcohol daily. It was roughly 4 weeks after that i crashed; i was in a different country as i was traveling at the time too. In the 3 months before an during i had visited 3 separate countries.
Today i wonder how much all of this played a part in my horrible crash as i had quit finasteride 5 times previously and recovered from watery semen and lack of morning erections within 3 days. I also became quite an anxious/ depressed person starting from around 6 months before my crash. I will never know whether that was me and typical teenage tribulations with a girl plus rapid balding or whether it was finasteride that started all of that. I now wonder whether finasteride combined with anxiety/ depression and then other medications was just too much for my body to handle. I experienced a very nasty crash. I couldn’t piss, shit, think with any sort of clarity, penis felt like a rubber ball, i was itching all over my waist and perineum, stool turned black and soft, legs and arms turned weak.
I have mentioned a lot of this stuff before but for whatever reason, i wanted to jot it all down in here tonight for my own record. It has been roughly 22 months since i crashed and i guess it’s come to the point where i need to just move on and stop waiting for or expecting a cure because every time i get better, i end up coming back down and being worse than before. As i said, i had a very good day two days ago so there is still hope with my avodart recovery but i have dropped any expectations i have and will not be monitoring progress or providing any updates concerning that.
Hey Joe. Are you still using Avodart, or have you stopped, and if so when? Are you noticing any actual overall improvement? I wish you the best man. Do be careful using this stuff.
I quit Avodart about 2 weeks ago i think Lennon and i will not be taking anymore. In fact, i will not be taking anymore medications or supplements at all from now unless something very promising comes to light on the forum or i manage to get hold of ghb. I hate to say it but i don’t think recovery is possible for me. If it was then it would have happened by now because i have felt better a number of times.
Here is a list of things that i have tried
. Finasteride (immediate recovery 1st time, second time worsening)
. Dutasteride
. Nolvadex
. Dexamethasone
. Nystatin (possibly caused immediate improvements a high dosage)
. Pregnenolone (started to work at one point to a decent degree but far too expensive)
. T3
. Low dose naltrexone (you are meant to stay on this for years so i can’t really say i gave it a fair shot)
. Synthroid
. Cialis (great stuff but i cannot afford it)
. Antibiotics
. Hydrocortisone
. Clomid
. Phenibut (incredible for sleep)
. Tribulus (4x) (gave me a libido boost)
. Royal Jelly (possible induced strong recovery)
. L-arginine
. Sustain Alpha and Toco 8 (caused strong nocturnal erections)
. Apple cider vinegar
. Coconut oil, probiotics, digestive enzymes, magnesium, melatonin, ginger, fish oil, vit d, vit e, niacin
. Gingko
. Milk thistle
. No alcohol for 5+ months (maybe helped combined with a holiday with lots of sun)
. Herbal cleansing teas
. Green tea (one brand provided decent libido boost)
. Magnesium bath salts
. Numerous anti candida treatments
That long list of shit all for nothing apart from wasting thousands of pounds. To think that all of this started from signing up to hairlosstalk support forums, fast becoming obsessed with my hair loss and eventually taking finasteride purchased from inhousepharmacies in tiny dosages sporadically for a couple of months. I have lost my health, my soul, my degree, my money. Everything. I still have a very healthy social life and i attract a lot girls but it just isn’t right. I could win the lottery tomorrow and this infliction would still drag me down.
I am actually shaking inside and feeling anxious and sort of numb/ emotionless as we speak despite having a surge of libido earlier on when i was severely sleep deprived. It happens EVERY TIME i feel good and have normal sexual response and drive. I will eventually come all the way back down and feel like my body is just breaking down. Strangely, the more sleep i get, the worse i feel. I had the surge of libido earlier when i was severely sleep deprived as i was on a long journey abroad.
I am glad that i have posted all of this information in my members story because i feel like now is a milestone in my PFS journey. I sort of give up and seem to be strolling through life not really giving a fuck anymore. I will be waiting for a miracle and of course participating in any PFS media and research related activities that i can from now on. I suppose that we should all be grateful that this website even exists thanks to Mew and that people like Awor are pushing research forward. Thank you both, so much.
I don’t know whether anyone else has noticed but the number of members on this forum is going up rapidly at the moment. It won’t be long until we have reached 3000-5000 users.
Joe, hang tight brother. Believe that one day this will be solved. I do. I do not really have a choice. And when this day comes, life will be so much more precious. You are young, and your day will come, and time is on your side. There is a lot more going on behind the scenes than is reported on this website. Recently, there was a meeting held in Las Vegas with thirty top Doctors to discuss this very issue, at least, this is what my Doctor told me. As Awor has said, this is much, much more than just a Finasteride issue in reality, and will apply to many other drugs, and there will be great incentive to create treatment options, more than you may think. Be patient (which I know sucks), and DO NOT throw in the towel. There will be justice, and we have every chance of escaping this. I agree that maybe it is time to stop trying meds and just see what your body can do on its own. I am using Maximum Milk Thistle at the moment, but I do intend to take a hiatus and monitor progress. Just hang tight Joe, the future is brighter than you think. Believe it.
Whoa whoa whoa…What? Any more info on this? I’d love to know about it. I definitely plan on “making some noise” in Las Vegas about this shit.
@SECONDAMMENDMENT
That was pretty much the extent of the information I was given. A little over a month ago, there was a meeting held in Las Vegas with thirty top Doctors. They discussed our specific issue at great length. He said a few were skeptical, but the large majority have seen patients with our exact condition and exact cause coming in seeking help. Wish I knew more, but the meeting was more for the Docs to share info than to gather information on our behalves. This meeting is a good thing for us, another small step to the hopefully bright light at the end of the tunnel.
Thanks for the support Lennon. I do often wonder how much is going on behind the scenes and 30 doctors meeting up in LA sounds pretty interesting. I only realized recently that there is probably a huge incentive to find a at least a remedy in medicine for people like us (pfs, post ssri, accutane). It will simply add on one more drug the profit merry go round.
Finasteride > viagra > hormonal therapies etc
It wouldn’t surprise me if Merck have major shares in Viagra and other male sexual aids
You are right. I am also accepting that I will never recover. I have made really good progress in all non sexual aspects since I started taking maximum milk thistle. I am not so concerned about that anymore (knock on wood). But sexually I have zero sensation and all other elements of sexual dysfunction possible and I have never temporarily recovered either, like some guys here. And unlike you guys, I don’t even know what screwed me up: Accutane, SSRI, intravenous antibiotics or high dose synthetic estrogen??? I am accepting that I will have a life without being able to enjoy sex or sexual/emotional intimacy that comes with that. It’s really deeply depressing and saddening. I don’t know since I have never lost a limb or anything but losing the ability to feel sexual pleasure has got to be one of the greatest physical losses imaginable. Like my GP here in London said about sex “at the end of the day, that’s what most people live for”.
I give in. Life has beat me into submission.
I would agree with your GP Maria. Think about all the things that humans enjoy in life. These days they all cost money in one way or another. Good food in western countries really adds up, sport often ends up costing a lot of money, nice holidays, cars, films, books, drugs etc etc. Sex and intimacy in my opinion blow all of those away when you actually think about it and do not need to cost any money and cannot be ruined by governments or anyone else.
To not be able to feel any sex drive is truly tragic and certainly makes you an outcast in comparison to other humans. I can appreciate that a lot of women and more men than ever these days lose their libido due to various reasons but proper/ full on PFS is a whole different ball game. Your genitals are transformed into something ghastly, penis to brain connection is completely dead. When i play any sport and so my body diverts blood to other parts of my body i literally cannot feel my penis, it as if it does not actually belong on my body. I dare not look at it or touch it anymore during exercise because it makes me want to throw myself in front of a train the minute i get home. Have any of you had your sporting life ruined? using changing rooms with other men is a complete no no. Imagine what other men would say if they saw your penis.
On a more positive note. At least PFS has brought about a rather calming sense of happiness for me at times. I am no longer concerned about the pretty things in life that people seem to thrive upon. I am no longer scared of failure or death.
The ideal situation for me in life with PFS looks something like this
. focus on a business to keep my mind occupied and busy whilst also earning enough money to visit any doctors or purchase any medications/ supplements i may want to use
. earn enough money to have a life of freedom and to be able to indulge in other great activities to replace sex
. stay close to family and take pleasure in helping other people - provide myself with a purpose
. pursue and media/ research opportunities and do all i can to attack pfs
. find a peaceful suicide method for if the day does come where i choose to leave (i am serious, barbecue in a closed up room sounds good)
With those i feel i cannot go too far wrong
Please erase the last bullet point.
I went through a very serious suicide phase. Thoughts still creep up from time to time but I am usually able to keep them at bay. I was minutes away from saying “Fuck it. Merck won. Time to sign out.” Luckily I didn’t sign out. And Merck has not won. I am more valuable to the PFS community alive than dead. You are too. This network of sufferers could use someone with my brains. And yours too. God knows you’ve made yourself a human guinea pig and at the very least we know not to repeat your mistakes.
In his first post here, awor mentioned he had considered killing himself. Where would we be if he’d done that? Light years behind where we are now.
Perfectly said Second Ammendment. Bluecloud87, Maria, everyone, DO NOT GIVE UP!!!
I was meant to say petty not pretty in the previous post. I don’t really think about suicide all that much these days but i would like to know that there is a peaceful method if my life really does get bad.
Good luck to you all.
Genital destruction and loss of sex drive certainly makes you feel like an outcast, like you are not part of the human race anymore. Every time there is a sex joke, sex on tv, discussions about sex or whatever, I immediately think that “well, that’s something I’m not part of anymore”, and I immediately feel like an outcast while I fill up with deep sadness and become disheartened. Actually, these words don’t come even remotely close in describing how horrific it is to lose the ability to experience pleasure from sex. Words have not been invented to describe the life wrecking agony sufferers experience when realizing that they will never again be able to enjoy sex and deep emotional intimacy.
Gallup did a world wide cellphone poll a while back sending out tens of thousands of texts to people across the world asking two things. The questions went something like this:
- What activity were you engaged with just before reading this message?
- What was you happiness level from 0-10 during this activity?
The people who came out on top in terms of being the most happy (happiness at this moment that is - of course this way of asking a question tells us nothing about long term happiness) were those people who were engaged in sex.
So by literally destroying our genitals and our brain-genital connection, these pharmaceutical companies, the evil empire, have taken away from us the one activity that human beings treasure the most. It’s a priceless loss and the one and only way the pharmaceutical industry can compensate for this devastating loss (which in itself lead people into suicidal depression) is to earmark a huge chunk of their FRAUDULENT PROFITS, direct it toward research and come up with an antidote. They just have to do that, it’s as simple as that - or heads will begin to roll!
As I am becoming physically and mentally stronger, I am gaining an increasing amount of rage about the situation.
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bluecloud can i asky you why under your nickname it’s written you’re from korea and you’re 44 and you used proscar and in this discussion i see you are 20 maybe 21 and from u.k. and used generic? I read that you have serious problems (like every one here of course), you claim to feel particularly bad, and i believe you of course, but even my 10 years old cousin on facebook does not make out all these bullshits about him. This is a serious site and personally i feel offended from your jokes, i’ve read thousands of your messages thinking you were 44 and from korea and now i realize you’re even younger than me and from u.k., can i know why did you do that? do you think it’s funny? you are 21 now, grow up!!!
It’s not a joke. I do it for a little thing called ‘privacy’ as i know that family members and even a past friend could know who i am on this website due to other information i shared on the forum.
I will change them now actually.
I was just sat here thinking…
You know when guys get older, especially bald guys, they tend to get hairier at the nose and ears. Bald men often joke about the hair on there head shifting to their nose and ears. Well, every time i start feeling better these days my ears start doing weird stuff; produce tons of wax and lots of itching. And as i have mentioned previously, my nose actually starts getting bogies inside when i am feeling better. I could easily now put $1000 on my nose having no bogies, only completely clear fluid when i am feeling bad.
Thanks to the upswings i have experienced i am now very in tune with my body. I might sound like a hypochondriac, but if you think about it, it makes perfect sense.
Something is definitely going on with the way Androgens/ 5 AR are acting all over my body. THIS IS CRAZY!
OK that’s fine, but I’m just afraid the solution will be another pill to take for a lifetime, and which for sure, will screw up other things in our bodies. Was there any example in pharmaceutical history where a drug was created to alleviate once and for all a problem?