18yo M and Im ending it this week, you win Merck

Im done, you win Merck, you slimy fucks. I can’t continue like this anymore. My hair is going to shit, my skin is starting to look bad, people don’t find me attractive anymore. Whats the point? Why would I rather sit around and wait maybe 20-30 years for us to possibly or possibly not find a solution to this problem. I have been talking to a really cute guy for a few weeks and have hooked up with him a week ago and he’s pretty much ghosted me since I was unable to keep a hard on. I will never be able to pull someone like him again. I will be bald within 2 years and my skin is starting to look like shit, why would anyone that hot want someone like me when I look like that. Ive just started college and I see no point. Why would I waste thousands of dollars on school when I will get 0 reward/pleasure out of the outcome while putting my parents into debt when i’ll probably just kms at that point anyway. It’s pointless. I will never have a successful career with this dysfunction. My mind is shit, I feel no pleasure, only sadness, anxiety, and brain fog (if even that on a lucky day). I have only had sex twice (both after fin) and I will never get to experience how good it could have actually felt, but hey, at least I did it. I know there will be more people, but within a year I will never be able to pull a guy like him again. Why would someone so attractive with such a bright future with a great personality ever want a shriveled mess of the man I use to be. It makes no sense. I guess I might have developed feelings for him and this is the first person Ive felt this way with before, but my point still stands. I will never feel the connection that I felt with him with anyone else. And even this feeling feels tiny compared to the crushes I could feel have felt had I never taken this poison. I will be sitting here, no sex drive, depressed, ugly, short. While he will go to college get a successful career, be hot, meet more people, be able to have fun, and have a great life, all while I am here, shriveled up in my room hoping it will get better someday. Why live if you can’t be the best.

It’s been almost 7 months and things only seem to be getting worse. I could honestly handle feeling like shit and hope for a happy ending if my looks would stay, but they wont and life is now pointless. My flickering sex drive has been gone for a month now. My looks have always been my only redeeming factor for this failure of a life I have lived. People use to say I was a solid 9/10, I had PERFECT skin and hair, But now, now I have nothing, only my family and 2 friends. They will get over my loss. I know they will, my best friend killed him self when I was 14 and we recovered from that and it seems like his family has as well. I look forward to seeing him in the afterlife if it exists. Today Im going to order a respirator mask and hose adapter and connect it to a helium tank and die peacefully from asphyxiation in my car at a peaceful location. I will drain my bank account into the research forum to hopefully prevent anyone else from reaching this fate

Id rather die cute than live long enough to see myself become ugly and still just as mentally fucked. I will never find a partner I like. It is pointless to live. Oh the things id do to go back in time and fix my mistakes, but thats just the way life goes I guess. I’ve lived a good one but this is my fate now.

Goodbye forum, thank you for keeping me alive this long


Edit: I’m going to stay around for a while, ill be checking into a mental hospital tomorrow. I really appreciate your kind words

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7 posts were merged into an existing topic: 18yo looking for help. Get my hormones tested? new member