I wanted to start a thread on this because it’s the main source of hope I’ve found in all of this: When I first tried a Testosterone injection, it worked. It worked amazingly. My sexual function came roaring back. I can vividly remember the afternoon when I started to feel it. The slightest erotic thought – or even just some lame romantic thought – would immediately produce an erection. A real erection, one that wouldn’t die down with the slightest distraction. My mind wanted to think about sex. I’d see someone attractive and the fantasizing would begin and I’d feel it downstairs and it would quickly build to a point where I just had to have some kind of release … and then, when I did, the whole process would start back up again right away. It was just like it had always been before I entered Propecia hell.
That was two years ago – November 2012. That day was one of the best of my life, because I genuinely believed that through the miracle of Testosterone I was climbing out of the deepest hole I’d ever been in. It was incredible how everything else immediately fell into place. My mood brightened, my optimism and ambition were restored. I sat there making a list of all of the friends I’d grown distant from because of this – now I wanted to reach out to all of them, to tell them why I’d been so distant, how I was finally back to being the old me, and to just go back to life as it had always been. I wrote down self-improvement things that I suddenly had the drive to do; projects I suddenly had the energy to dive into. I was smiling. I had my life back and I couldn’t believe it.
But then … it went away. By the middle of the next day, it was like my sex drive had just been turned off again – right back to nothing. I was devastated. But then it came back a day later – first about half-way, then all the way. Then it flickered off again, but then came back. About a week into it, I had a date, and it was the only time since all this began that I could be with someone with everything working right. It was great. And I was again thinking it would all be OK; my system was slowly coming back to life, through fits and starts, but the momentum was clear. Soon there’d be no more “off” days. This lasted for about two weeks, at which point it flickered off yet again and I waited for it to come back …but it never did. Two years now.
I think back to this all the time. This is not an estrogen issue, as best I can tell. I was taking Arimidex daily and monitoring blood levels. (This was done with Dr. Alan Jacobs.) For the next nine months, I continued with injections, but never felt anything again – even when we pushed my total T level up to 1,894. Eventually, I gave up, and that’s where I am today. (This fall, I decided to take another injection, to see if being off it for a year would make me more responsive – but this time, not even an initial boost. Nothing.)
The only clue I can find in my bloodwork is this: I had a test done just a few days after I last felt the T working and it showed – for the only time in the 2+ years of dealing with this – that my SHBG level had fallen dramatically. As in, every test I’ve taken since this all started has shown my SHBG to be in the mid- to high 40s (the top of the range is 50). But on that one test on December 4, 2012, it was 20. Something in my system was working resulting in that number dropping during the first T injection. But after that, when the T stopped working, SHBG climbed up to the 40s again – and that’s where it is now.
I’ve seen other stories on here of guys with some initial success with T who, like me, just stopped feeling it. I wish Jacobs had tested more blood levels in that small window when it was working. What happened to my DHT? 3-adiol G? DHEA? Etc. All I know is that T went up, estradiol was controlled and SHBG came plummeting down – and I felt great. I wonder if focusing on this experience in guys who have gone through it could produce some clues. Anyone else go through this and have any thoughts?