Hi frenchfries
What you have described is what many here have gone through and believe me, I personally know how harrowing and extreme the crashing phase can be. Looking back on it, not much helped other than posts that offered hope in the way of the possibility of some kind of recovery. For many months, I didn’t believe any kind of recovery was possible for me, my brain felt so damaged and my body had experienced so many changes.
I can tell you that since then, my mental symptoms have improved to a point I never thought possible. There’s a lot more I could write but I just need you to know that the despicable state that you are currently in WILL improve but it may take some time. Please keep it in your mind that you can improve and, in the mean time, do NOT take any other drugs, herbs or whatever other substances might be recommended here or on other sites centred on pfs.
Take care and be honest with those who care for you with what has happened. We’re all on this forum here for you, we know what you’re going through.