This feels like a fate worse than death

I don’t like spreading negativity but I’m really struggling at the moment and need to vent.

I literally cannot fucking believe this is real. I cannot fucking believe such a condition exists. As like most of us I’ve contemplated taking my own life but on some stupid level it feels like even that wouldn’t bring me release from all this.

I don’t know about you guys, but I used to have a deep sense of faith and love in the universe. You could even say I believed in God, or something higher, or at least some higher purpose to everything that happens in the world.

But this? This has basically destroyed all that. If there is a God, how the fuck could he allow such utter, utter meaningless and humiliating suffering?

This isn’t even the suffering of war, or sickness, or genocide. I know this might sound stupid but then again it’s probably not, but at least all of those things make sense on some level. At least there seems to be purpose or meaning you could derive from those things. If it was a choice between suffering this or having to live in Ukraine right now I’d choose Ukraine in a heartbeat.

At least cancer patients can laugh at jokes. At least kids in refugee camps have a sense of self and can feel warmth and connection to other humans.

Hell, it’s gotten to the point where I’ve started hanging around long Covid forums, because the symptoms of long Covid seem very similar to those of PFS. So I can relate to the people there. But here’s the thing - and again this might sound stupid, but at least there’s a narrative in Covid. At least it wasn’t their choice to catch it. At least the world understands it.

Just the fact that a fucking hair loss drug above all else could functionally destroy a man’s soul is… it’s horrifying. Utterly incomprehensible. It’s fucking demonic. Those are heavy words but holy hell it feels like it at same point.

I’ll free admit that a lot of this is due to bruised ego and masculinity. Being a smart young man gave me so much purpose and meaning in life, and yes, again I’ll admit, getting laid and meeting girls and living life truly validated me on a spiritual level. So the fact that I feel like I’ve been denied all of that because of something that’s too humiliating to even talk about is causing me to hate life.

Why me? Why any of us? What’s the fucking answer? Is there even one? Literally my entire hope for healing at this point is literally just to pray to God that I get better. That’s literally it. I’m too afraid to try and treatments because odds are they’ll screw me up even more. Aside from diet and lifestyle choices there’s literally nothing I can do to absolve me from this meaningless hell.

Fuck all of this. God, fuck this to hell and back. Life is utterly miserable. I don’t know what the fuck to do or think. Fucking hell. I’m desperate.

Fuck. Sorry. Take care guys. That’s all I can fucking say.


So true, mate. It does feel bitter and unfair. I’m getting desperate too, as it’s already a year without any significant improvements and it’s my 3rd year deep in this shit. It damaged me on so many levels, far beyond causing some problems with errection. I feel that not only so many valuable parts of my life were stolen, but I was even robbed of a hope for a better future. And you can’t even share this experience with the people around. I tried to talk to a few of them and realised they just can’t comprehend the experience.

Well, no wonder. I still find it hard to believe this has really happened to me and I can’t just wake up from this reality. Pretty much like the situation with the war. It was the second absolutelt devastating blow for me in rather short time. And the pure meaninglessness of the horrible events happening is simply disastrous.

I know there’re many things I could and should do as at least I need to look after my close ones and maybe make the world around me just a little bit better. But sometimes it’s so hard to find the strength to carry on. But what choice do we have?

Take care.

What have you tried to help with depression and erections? When I get to a dark place I listen to podcasts on health and wellness and realize that there are always more things to try to improve our health. Catastrophic thoughts will worsen depression and physiology.

One day I was walking around in sunny Florida upset that I didn’t want to approach women, could barely keep my head up. I went to a bench and meditated for 25 min, and while the effects were delayed, my mood did a 180 and I actually smiled and saw the joy in life a few hours later

While our suffering is severe and our situation is extremely difficult, suffering is not unique to us and many people throughout history have figured out how to transcend their suffering in one way or another

FFS dude