Hello everyone. Tero 34 years old, here from Finland telling hes story for those who want to hear. Im sufferer of pfs for 7 years now and at the beginning i used to just lurk here and read other stories deepening my despair since theres no saving this, no remedy and be doomed to live like this forevermore, until the last sun sets and galaxy goes dard forevermore from my part. It is the truth. I thought many times to just to end it, would be easier. Quality of life goes from pretty good to down in the mud with this syndrome, none who experience this, cannot refute this.
I was working as forestry engineer and was a regular in the gym, living good life, maybe not mature enough to accept that my sexual marketplace value might be going down as i started losing my hair from temples. Decently handsome guy but i was weak and i just wanted to live my life as a bachelor forever and keep on having wild one night stands left and right. That position got threatened so i went to a doctor and told her to prescribe me fin. Basic story i read the horrorstories online but thought this seems like it can never happen to me blablabla what a fool i was.
As the side effects go, i dont really see them as side-effects but actual changes in your body and dna. I got prescribed 5mg pills and i chopped that pill into four doses like crumbs. I ate those crumbs for 6 days and then weird things started to happen, on 3. day i had this world shattering panic attack for no appearent reason. needed to do jumpic jacks for an hour to make it stop. I thought it might just be my body adapting to the drug but i should have seen that something is really really wrong. I guess deep down i knew something was categorically wrong as i felt the “wawe” but i was stubborn and wanted to see this through because i was stubborn with the hairloss problem. on 6th day i woke up when my sixpac had over night gone and i gathered this estrogenic fat to my midsection, and to my pectoral region, some to my ass too. That night i experienced hot flassesh like a woman with menopause must feel like, not just as strong ones i bet. Then i decided, its enough of this circus and decided to cold turkey the drug. Unfortunately it was too late and i didnt bounce back. Dont know if it was already too late at 3. day when changes were begininng to manifest.
My balls also shrank and libido is nonexistent, when i jerk of and force myself to cum, the sensation is not nearly as strong as it used to be. My skin also went dry and texture of my hair changed thinner. Same things as many others here have. My dick, facial bone structure or size of muscles did not change if theres something positive to say about this. But i look older and gaunt compared to what i was.
Also its weid that my blood clothing effect has gone weak, if i get a cut it takes way longer to cloth as it used to cloth almost instantly before. My gums bleed like crazy when i floss, that was never the case before.
Then there are the meryad of mental problems as well same as many people here have, depression, anxiety, panicattacks etc.
Mental side eventually got a little better and became to this steady depression and inactivity feeling state with no “wawes” of panic and anxiety attacks so i think that is good. I was able to go back to work because of that.
Physical chances are not going anywhere. I have actually planned to get liposuction surgery for the extrogenix fat. I wonder if anyone else has found a way to cut that without lipo?
Anyway i tell this strory from positive angle. Its possible to get over this and live atleast somewhat satisfying life with this thing. As these years have gone i have tested many many things from meds to homebrew to make this better. Visited many specialist doctors since normal doctors just told me its all my head.
So far best things that have helped me are pregabalin, lisdexamphetamine and testosterone sustanol. They dont make me feel as i felt before, when i was normal, but now im able to atleast work and do something to make me feel as i matter and i survive in this world, that was not for certain at all in the beginning of this madness.
I just wanted to tell this story to all of those who are fresh with this thing. It really seems like the end of the world at beginning but in my opininion many things with this are to do with you processing the mental trauma this causes and once the mental changes are not so strong and give you a little break its possible to come back from this in some level. I use meds but only in amounts doctors prescribe them to people anyway, nothing crazy.
I can add as extra as i was going throught this i went to this mental state that nothing matters anymore and did shit ton of illegal drugs and got benzos too from doctors. I dont even remember much of that time i was so fucked up 24/7. Benzoz did a number to my mental side ass well and i was lucky i was able to come back from that to this normal pfs baseline. Jesus, i can tell that took some monumental effort and almost 2 years.
But id say to all that just try to mentally process this as best as you can and maybe tests some meds in reasonable amounts to get you going, dont go crazy as i did at the start. Theres still life for you to live in some capacity.
Also dont be afraid to ask help from your inner circle. I would have never got through this if i didnt have my parents support and finances i had saved up from my work. Some are not as lucky as i am. I do not wonder if somebody takes hes life if the they have no support at all with this. I dont blame them, its so helpless and debilitating at the start.
These were my words, i wish everythinh good to everyone here strugling with this voodoo curse. But dont give up, theres still some life and good moments to be had!
Best regards,
Tero