Suicide or increasing social awareness


If you are optimistic about our condition, i strongly suggest you not to read this topic, because many people would think of it as pathetic, pessimistic or something like that. I don’t have intention to judge it in that discourse.
I’m new member here and, to make long story short, i will say that my symptoms are very similar to those most of us share. By that i’m referring to libido issues, anxiety, depression etc. As it is mentioned in the subject, i decided to post here about my decision to finish this comedy. I mean, there are no words to describe how humiliating it is to be impotent in your 22nd year, to get almost panic attack whenever you have to speak in front of group of people, when you are concerned whether your eyes will start to fill with tears in front of others because your hormones are totally messed up and your eyes become tearful to the most banal situation in the movie or reality.

So, considering that i’m not hoping that doctors will find treatment for our condition in this decade or any time soon( the last thing we need here is to deceive ourselves) my decision is strong. But, a couple of days ago i thought about the fact that there is someone responsible for all this. And i really think that they should get what they’ve deserved. Freedom and justice aren’t given things “from above”. Man must fight for them. So, it may sound, and will to many of you, ridiculous, insane, or something like that, but, considering that i absolutely don’t have anything at stake anymore, [CENSORED] occurred to me like good idea. That way my suicide will make some sense.

I mean, how much innocent, completely healthy young lives these sick animals have to take to stop? It is unbearable anymore in general, regarding whole pharmaceutical industry. Last example is CODEIN. And i’m afraid that things will not going to change unless something radical happens. That will bring us desired media attention. I’m sure this is right thing to do in my situation, because i’m not patient enough to wait for years and years for some kind of possible treatment. Of course, i haven’t decided this definitively, and i think the only question remaining is courage, but, with the passage of time, complete desperation will solve that one.

Good luck to all.


First, suicide is not the answer. I would advise you to strongly reconsider your statements and find positives in your daily life, despite the hand you have been dealt. We’ve all been there and hopefully over time your issues will improve.

Second, do not post about considering certain acts against others/entities. Such posts will either be censored or removed.

Despite our mutual anger towards the entity which caused these issues for us, we cannot allow that type of talk on a public forum for multiple reasons. Thanks for your understanding.


I agree with Mew that suicide isn’t the answer. But I also admit that we don’t have any answers right now, and aside from the sexual issues that essentially everyone here has, there are horrible mental sides that are effecting many of us to varying degrees.

I still have days myself when I question after all that I’ve been through and lost is living still worth it? And I would say that I have made considerable progress in regards to the mental sides I had two years ago. When I crashed I was a “cop” a job I loved and miss. And I had to deal with the depression everyday during this time, with easily accessible means of “ending it”. Obviously I didn’t but I thought about it a lot and I struggled with it for 14 months (8 with my gun and badge and 6 after they took it away)… the mind can only handle so much and I would never disrespect someone who chooses this route.

In fact all I can say is that our situation frankly sucks, especially the mental sides. But I can also say that these sides can and in many cases do improve more so than the sexual sides. Two years later I still suffer from depression but nowhere near as bad as it was and now its more so from all the “external” hardships caused by the initial depression.

The depression is a curse and its horroble the rest of the world views depression in the same manner as it views things like psychotic disorders. For us… all it comes down to is a couple neurosteroids our bodies are not metabolizing anymore. Otherwise we are not madmen, we are not insane, we simply have a disease that caused a breakage in the production of a hormone that is biologically essential to normal brain function.

I hope you choose to stay with us, you can do more good for our cause alive than dead even if you do die in a way that brings attention to this. What you should think about maybe is colaborating with SA on a protest or something similar. His hunger strike last year helped get a lot of attention to our problem.


Travis -

I completely agree with Mew and BP…suicide is not the answer…although I think all of us know what you are going through. Less than 4 months ago, I was also considering some of the extreme measures you refer to in your email. While it will definitely garner media attention, I think it will be easy for Merck and the media to just pass it off as a “nut job” or something similar. I think by living - and continuing to live - even in your damaged state - is the best way to get back at Merck. Why?

  1. They will have to confront you in court. While I do believe the court is stacked in favor of Merck - I also believe the facts in this case are pretty damning against them. I believe their behavior in this case to be one of the greatest evils ever perpetuated against the American public. Your life will be a testament to that - and can help reform how the pharmaceutical industry and FDA are regulated. I also believe that Merck will be forced to help us in some way - it was their drug after all that created this new disease, and they knew of the dangers and failed to warn the public.
    In the meantime - I would suggest you get help for your depression. I know it was the one thing that was clouding my judgment, and it was giving me some pretty crazy thoughts. I don’t know what you are on right now for you depression - but I would suggest talking to you doctor about Remeron. Its one of the safest and most tolerated anti depressants on the market, and not only has it done wonders for my depression, but it has helped with my insomnia. I don’t know if it will help fix my brain chemistry, or if it is just a temporary band-aid, but either way it helped get me through my suicidal period.
    Also - I would suggest talking to some of us on the phone. BP and I talk frequently - and I am sure others would be there for you. You are not alone in this - many men are suffering - and you at least owe it to us to stay alive so we can get the justice which we deserve.
    PM me and I will give you my contact info so we can talk…hang in there…it gets better over time.


Thank you, i really appreciate your answers and pms i’ve got. And, for the guys who sent me pm, i must say i can’t answer them because i don’t have permission to send pm.

I don’t know. This topic isn’t much thought and analyzed, it is “side-effect” of these periods of extreme depression i occasionally have, when i’m unable to cope with this situation. Now, after 10 hours of sleep i feel little better. So far, only thing i’ve decided for sure is that, if my suicide happens, it will bring some attention to our problem.

In the meantime i will try as much as i can, to establish some more constructive attitude. Trying some drugs and things like that. Next drug on the list is nystatin. Although i am pretty sure that, if it will have any effect it’ll last while i’m on it. But, anything is better than this.

Jorbie, i’m not using anything for depression because i didn’t have serious or any problems with that before pfs, and was thinking about that only as a part of big picture. Now, i will consider your suggestion about that medication.


to; travisb,

I hope you’ve found a doc and script for “Mirtazapine”(Remeron). It’s the only one I found to work, most of the time. But I still have occasional downward swings of emotions. My current nightly regimen is 45mg Mirtazapine, 0.5mg alprazolam and 5mg of melatonin(natural sleep aid). This combo helps me go asleep and stay asleep. But before dozing off, I found a good dose of the Bible helps the mental state of mind. Read the book of Job. If you think we have it bad, imagine being entirely blameless and following all the laws, then having your life turned upside down. Oh, and another discovery I found while on a forum for ADHD… a book of writings by “Epictitus”, written over 2000 years ago. It’s like an instruction book on ‘how to live’, minus the religious part.

to; broken_pecker,

I just have to tell you this… before Propecia, squeaky clean driving record 10+ yrs. After Propecia, speeding tickets and a DUI. And on one occasion, I actually got away with evading police (I had no idea until I got a call at home from a seargeant). Then I remembered seeing a popo with a red light on, two lanes over, while on my exit ramp. And now… I’m thinking, “how would I tell a Jury about my run in’s with the law at trial?” . It would be used against me as a character flaw most likely. Never mind the clean record… or the previous Salary above 6 figures. What I can say is this… if it weren’t for the damage caused by Propecia, I would still have a clean driving record, still be making 6 figures and enjoying life and my wife of 20+ years. Yet here I am, unemployed, and feeling entirely inept at holding a job for fear of emotional outbursts, and barely holding on to my wife and 2 kids. So… I feel your pain man. In some strange way, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one.


I am sincerely in the same direction


me too bro. but dont give up. it doesnt get us anywhere when you kill yourself. but when you go public as example that would be huge for us


we should raise more media awareness