Hey guys,
i thought we could create a suicide topic (i know there is a coping section) where everyone can write why its still worth to live even with pfs. Something like “When i kill myself i cant see …”. Like everything you would miss out when you take this big step. Maybe i sound naive but i thought it could be worth trying. Ah and i think supplement advises would have no place in this thread. Just for whom you still live and what you can still enjoy/experience with pfs. theres so much
I live for my wife and son. I admit it’s very tough almost seven months have passed. Joint pain and burning. Soon I’ll have a moc for the bones. I am depressed and cry often. To sleep I need valerian and melatonin pills.
Lovoro in the police I always have a weapon with me I look at it often and I say … I could end my suffering because I am afraid that this physical and mental pain will last forever. They are advising me on antidepressants that I know I can’t take and for my physical pains I can’t do anything because every supplement in addition to magnesium can do damage. I feel condemned by life. I had a perfect life.
Now I feel sick and depressed and I can’t enjoy anything.
I live for my wife and for my children basically because I don’t want her to grow up with too big a trauma. I love him and I don’t want to disappoint him even if sometimes it is really hard. But I try to do my best.
Only the god knows what the future holds. I pray a lot and ask him to give me a hand and that if I have to suffer in this way to ease my pains.
Then I see my son is two and a half years old I see his smile his joy and I say it is not I who can ruin his life. If God wants to call me. If you don’t want to, it means I have to suffer here.
I’m a simple guy, all I live for is to wake up every morning and see another blue sky that reminds me I’m still here.
I miss enjoying the blue skies and warm gentle summer breeze : (
I often run through memories and moments of past happiness (such as a calm morning sun coming into my room) over and over again in my mind to try to hold on
Try not to think “this will get better” or “I can push through it”… although theses are great things to tell yourself they won’t be able to pull you through the lowest of lows were you believe you’ll be fucked forever or that you’re not strong enough.
I once had a friend who said that the only reason he didn’t commit suicide was because he knew his mother was coming home and if she found his body she’d probably end up committing suicide too. He wanted to die but he knew what consequences his actions would have.
Maybe your families aren’t like my friends but you have a family on this forum who is… The more people we see commit suicide on this forum the more tempted others will be. Keep on living to show that it is possible to persevere and overcome this adversity.
I am here because I am stubborn and will not allow bad thoughts, bad medications, bad pharma capitalist system, and bad days to take me permanently away from the one life I have to life. And I am happy I am living it with friends and family.
"When i kill myself i cant see …”…and I really hurt my child.
Allthough having some depressed episodes over the Years my live has been excessiv, interessting and hedonic from my teenager time with 15 Years in 1977 until 59 yo in 2021. Every day just if staying allone was a Project with fun and in the evening I was satisfied by the day.
Since the crash in April 2021 every fucking day is a torture, because there is no joy and no fun for anything anymore.
Afraid of joining most of the old friends, impossible for partying or dating it Had become rather difficult to meet people, to meet a partner and not to stay allone at Home.
To thing I have to live this live for decades is more heavy as to live in a prison.
So there are only my family my child and it’s crowd of little rascals what keep me alive. And some old friends I meet sometimes.
People without psf, pSSRI or PAS cannot Imagine how IT feels to life a switched off live.