Struggling with acceptance

Coping
#1

I’m struggling so bad guys. Everytime I wake up from my 3 hour max sleeps I get a wave of intense stress about my condition, it potentially worsening and almost certainly being permanent, I get hit with grief/regret that I took finasteride.

I find myself contemplating suicide a lot recently including planning it out

I’m almost certainly going to fail my exams in 2 weeks that I’ve worked my entire life so hard to get into this position for, I just can’t bring myself to study when i’m dealing with the shame of poisoning myself

Why did I do this to myself? I keep hitting myself, I fucking hate myself for what I’ve done I can’t forgive myself for destroying my chance at a future for some hair.

I’m really fucking struggling. I’m not a mentally strong person I’m fragile, I can’t take this. I’m suffering and its making life a misery. Will therapy even help or make me feel worse?

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#2

Last year this time I promised to recover by 2019. And 2020 is just around the corner. My will is gradually fading.

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#3

My heart aches for my fellow humans who have to suffer from this damning syndrome.

Hell on earth, stealing the colour from life is how I described it to my mum.

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#4

Don’t let this disease win. There is research and solutions coming in the near future.

You can still live a relatively normal life in the meantime. Try the Ozeph or Moonchild protocol and give it a shot.

There have been recoveries with PFS. Please stop thinking negatively, you have much to look forward to in life.

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#5

Thank you for your optimism it is well needed to counteract my pessimistic mind.

I’m terrified I have given myself permanent brain damage, it’s driving me insane. I will admit mentally my fortitude is awful and to be thrust into a situation like this I’m not a warrior or a fighter

I honestly feel like the things I had to look forward to in life might be no more, what if I can’t fall in love now forever due to emotional blunting? Those kind of haunting thought loops are making me suicidal right now

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#6

Hey, no guarantees provided with the following statement, but… a commonly shared experience among those of us with this condition is to improve a great deal within the first 6 months to year post-drug.

Please do try to keep it together with the expectation that living will get somewhat better for you.

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#7

As @Dubya_B says, many do improve with time - I am one of them.

I had the same sleep problems - actually no sleep at first at all but with time this has generally improved. I can expect 6 hours a night unbroken at the moment and while that’s no cause for celebration, I am optimistic that it will improve.

All my other symptoms have also improved with time. Not tie same as before this all happened but generally things are improving.

I am nearly 18 months on. Some people see improvements faster, some slower.

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#9

Brother, please don’t torture yourself with guilt, that’s what I did and ruined my existence for over a year. Believe me, there is still so much you can do and live. You can’t imagine how much I regret the early days of PSSD, when I had “only” erectile dysfunction, weakness and mild cerebral fog. Believe me, even if you don’t notice it, you’re lucky. I had never realized it before, until then I crashed on tribulus and became disabled. Enjoy life, you can live without sex, believe me.

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#10

Ah, let alone the protocols that are only a danger. Don’t listen to people who tell you to jump on a protocol. Most of the “protocols” are mostly dangerous diets and avalanches of other supplements at least as dangerous as finasteride. Those are just crazy. Stay away from any substance or supplement unless a real deficiency is diagnosed. Too many people on this forum play at being doctors and desperate people follow them ending up irreversibly worsening their conditions. Trust me that I am now one step away from death for this reason, stay away from the protocols.

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#11

It’s difficult being in a position like this, suffering from something the medical community don’t take seriously and that most people haven’t even heard of .
I know it’s easy for you to lose heart and to drive yourself crazy, I have been doing it too.
Every human being makes mistakes , don’t be too hard on yourself, this is something that needs to be blamed on the doctors, the dermatologists and the pharmaceutical industry if anything, there is no blame on you .
The one thing I have noticed here that’s a positive is that the PFS has taught us all to take care of our bodies and to take care of our lives more. It’s shown the importance of exercise, the importance of diet, to look towards more natural remedies and to be cautious in the future when using pharmaceutical meds. It has shown us that feeling ‘normal’ in life is not something for granted for most people, there’s probably over a thousand of us on this support group alone , but then there’s gonna be more people on a cancer forum suffering somewhere, on an MS forum, on a kidney disease forum etc so on and so on. so many people out there are suffering in life and looking for a way to feel better. You are part of a bigger group that is on that journey too and it will be a process but you will feel better with work towards it and with time. PFS is not in charge of weather you live your life or not , you are in charge. Wishing you a full and speedy recovery and I’m always available to if you need some one :pray:

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#12

hi mate I’m so sorry that has happened to you, most of my life I always ask myself if I have 3 wishes what would I wish for and I tell you that one of wishes has changed recently. I wish that everyone could get better and just be healthy.

Unfortunately my libido was super important to me so I don’t know why I even fucked with it, thats why I’m dealing with this guilt. I let my insecurity win and reduce my quality of life even more than it already has. Gone from living an ok life to a very shit one.

Thankfully I’m only 3 weeks or so off the drug and although I don’t feel as great as I did last week, I definitely seem to have ‘stabilised’ for a lack of better word and I’m not getting progressively worse now. Hopefully I don’t get worse and maybe a little better then I think I can live with this, I will do everything in my damn power to support people on this forum if I get out of this relatively ok.

I think today a sad video actually made me sad so progress might be there. I will certainly heed your advise and avoid any supplement regime. Only thing I’d be interested in trying is possibly manipulating trt, hormones like proviron might be promising and finally recreational drugs like ketamine and psychedelics which show great promise in PTSD (where I believe epigenetic changes occur due to a stressful event).

Other than that after reading around on the forum, including posts such as yours before you even posted in this thread, I had made the decision that supplements were to risky given its 50/50 you get better or worse and since my case is definitely not severe I don’t want to push my luck anymore than I already have.

Thanks for the reply mate, bless and good luck in the future :pray::+1: My private messages are always open for you if things get rough.

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#13

For sure, I’m active on a couple steroid communities and I just get laughed at people seriously do not understand the catastrophic effects of drugs like these. Its one of the reasons I wasn’t able to make an informed choice despite hours of research into finasteride and ultimately ended up in this position.

It definitely sucks that the people who are meant to protect us doctors, derms, pharma companies have failed us. I think I put a little too much faith into them before hand and thought they would want side effects to come out so they can remedy them or be aware of them but nope I now know Merck love to fight tooth and nail to ensure their sides stay off the packet.

Absolutely sad that we have been failed, men are being failed and many men in the future will be failed by the agencies and companies set up to protect us until the beautiful people over at the PFS foundation and the staff of this forum who are working on both the survey and funding private studies (I believe) pick up the pieces these billion dollar agencies have failed to prevent from shattering. God speed to them and may future generations live without this poison on the market (or at least with the risks adequately known). Whether a cure will ever come I doubt it but who knows.

I definitely need to take into account your attitude more, there are people terminally ill who are worse than me. As long as I don’t get worse I think I might be able to survive this. I have certainly been humbled and received a wakeup call as to what is truly important in life because appearance isn’t it.