Not really sure where to start, so I guess I’ll just jump right into the fact that, as of late, I’ve been doing a terrible job with maintaining a positive outlook on things. I feel like this ties heavily into the fact that I’ve been seeing doctors lately. Because of this, I have been getting blood work done for the first time since getting PAS (tried going to doctors in the past, got disregarded, decided to try again), and it’s just made everything so much more real for lack of a better way of putting it. Even though this August will be the 4 year mark for me, I feel like having this condition has never hit me so hard as it is right now.
To elaborate, I never really gave too much thought to the fact that I’m not, and have not been for quite some time, like all the other kids/young adults around me. I’ve had PAS since I turned 17 (almost 21 now), and at this moment I struggle so much seeing everyone around campus live seemingly perfect, normal lives for people their age. I struggle so much with the feelings of jealousy I have towards them even though I know it’s completely ignorant to assume the quality of another person’s life. On top of that, I just feel so inferior compared to everyone else, and it just isn’t a fun combo of emotions. Also, to make everything more complicated, finals are right around the corner for me, so I feel as if I don’t even have the time to healthily cope given the amount of work I need to tend to for the rest of this month. The way I have been coping with PAS just isn’t holding up anymore.
With that being said, I was wondering of all the ways you all personally get through your rough days. I’m trying not to repeat past mistakes I’ve made when coping with this (i.e. bottling it up and trying to deal with it all on my own), and I feel like this is a step in the right direction. Thanks for reading through all of this if you did, and I apologize for the ranting.