Thanks for the idea. I do think that children need both mothers and fathers for an advantageous upbringing.
May I ask how old you are? No worries if rather keep private. How do you not be lonely at home?
I’m 37. I got PFS at 27. It’s easy to fall into a pattern thinking that my best years are behind me, but thinking like that serves no purpose.
I enjoy my own company (much easier now that the worst of the anxiety have subsided), and I keep in touch with friends and family.
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As much as I found some viewpoints on this thread depressing, they does raise crucial questions and views on life. However, I sense a lot of “justified” despair, which could be our deadliest enemy of all time. Life has always been about hope or seeking it even if it seems hopeless. It’s NEVER too late to find a partner and start a family. Heck, I have witnessed many relatives who got married in their 40s and 50s and have had children of their own and are living the best times of their lives! Meanwhile, I’m also aware of many who got married relatively young and had children and are living hellish lives! Divorce rate has dramatically increased in recent years especially among younger partners.
I’d even go as far as saying that not getting married at such a young age may be a “blessing in disguise”. You are much more mature and can handle life and sh#t better. Men achieve their peak status in their 30s and 40s. World is changing. A quick google search can go a long way to show you how it’s widely and socially accepted for older men to be with very young partners these days. If Richard gere, Alec Baldwin, George Clooney and many others can get young partners and start families, you too can.
In the meantime, focus on getting your health (and your life alongside it) back and never lose hope!
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All valid points. The problem is that we haven’t even gotten research started yet. At our current pace, none of us will ever have families. If we could rally around public outreach and unification with similar groups (I.e., multiply cohort size/affected patients number), then perhaps research could really start and a cure or effective therapy would be here 5-10 years later. Tragically, I think most don’t realize the loneliness and meaninglessness of life without family until confronted with the fact it’s already too late, or in others words that we aren’t going to do it.
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What exactly is causing you to think you will have to life a life alone? Sexual, mental, energy, etc??
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I’m sorry if this question seem unrelated or unfounded. But what are your lingering issues?
My symptoms at this juncture seem to only be sexual. The reason I don’t see a way to get married is that I haven’t been successful in pulling off faking loving someone who is much less attractive than the girls I’ve been in relationships with prior. However, when you can’t function sexually there is no practical way to date as attractive girls as you did before. Your value as a romantic partner is greatly reduced. In many ways, sex is the glue that holds men and women together, certainly initially, and makes them lovers as opposed to annoying housemates with largely incompatible interest occupying your personal space. Especially in this era where mind blowing sex is touted as a woman’s right etc.
True. Women have preference for men with emotional/sexual capacity. At any rate, if sexuality is your only remaining problem then you’ve gone a long way to beating this. Are you currently on any treatments(s)/protocol? @vkg1
There isn’t any treatment or protocol. I’ve wasted countless years and tens of thousands barking up that tree of false hope.
Being on nothing isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It could very much be the one cure that many here and elsewhere are dismissing. Actually, I was on the upwards of 20+ supplements a day for years until I recently decided that I need none.
This may sound cliché but did you try basic things such as working out 3X week; getting to bed early and waking up early; being hydrated and go on diet with calories surplus that’s also coupled with adequate fats; carbs, protein and fiber?
I think I may have given the wrong impression that I said I will **definitely ** be alone for the remainder of life.
I’m preparing for it but I believe I said “of course anything is possible”
Do I have a full fledged confidence that I will be able to start a family. Absolutely not.
Apart from PFS symptoms I also had my own emotional and personal issues that I feel I probably shouldn’t get involved with another person long term.
The only exception i would make is if a girl was truly crazy about me and proved it and I felt the same. Like a meant to be together scenario but I won’t hold my breath on that one.
I see what you mean about have a justified despair being our worst enemy. I see and good name for it
I’m just trying to prepare for it so it makes later in life much easier to bear. I’m trying to combat the fear and conquering it now. If that makes sense.
I’m trying to stay both realistic and positive though while getting prepared for the right mindset for it.
Because it is a genuine fear of mine
And who knows, maybe someone shows up along the way
Sometimes I feel I’m going through this to learn how to love myself and fight through personal problems my soul needs to work on
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Yes I do those things. I workout more than 3x a week, eat healthy, and make sure to sleep and rise same time every day. Yes I agree that many of the things, especially taking hormones, that people do here likely delay recovery, if in fact it is possible at all.
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Humans aren’t designed to live alone. They are the most social animals of all. There are some cats, for example, that never see any other cats except for during mating season. And there are other solitary animals. But humans like most other animals are designed to live together with other humans, and suffer immensely when prohibited from doing so. Imagine a sled dog just pulling a sled alone for no real reason other than to find food and keep pulling sled.
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Right but that idea comes more from a time when it took a large family or village to survive because the hunting and gathering was much more easy as a collective than an individual. And in order for the pack to survive more ppl procreated thus making more ppl this making more of an need to gather resources. They needed many ppl to survive.
When we got to the 20th century it was more common for people to go it alone.
Look at Tesla. Classic loner. Very private. Didn’t have anyone other than occasionally meeting with contemporaries to discuss work.
I’m not saying anyone here is or has to be Tesla I’m just trying to illustrate a point that not everyone needs ppl especially when you’ve found a purpose in life.
Is it nice to have ppl sure. But the point of the thread was for anyone who like me, is recognizing what most likely will happen and preparing for the lifestyle.
If you feel ppl can’t be happy alone then fine. That’s your opinion on it.
I’m just looking to talk it out and brainstorm to see how we can still live happily despite it. Some strategies and interventions.
Look this is not an easy pill for me to swallow. I sort of hate the fact I felt I needed to make this thread but I’m trying to get ahead of the game. You think I or anyone one of us wanted to worry about this shit in our lives? Of course not. I’ve cursed many days I’ve lived since this became my life. 10-12 years.
But I’m tired. And I want to accept and yet fight back on this and see what we can do
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I’ll give my 2 cents.
Personally, I don’t think you can be happy alone. You can be fine, not happy.
But think about it: if you had all the people you want right next to you, would you really be able to experience happiness with PFS? In my case, I’m not sure.
This whole PFS story made me grow. A lot. In a paradoxical, cinical way, it made me realize what’s importantant in life.
This scares me a lot. Because, up until 18 months ago or something, life for me was just about quantity. Having been suffering hell on Earth in the past decade or so, but being terribly afraid of death, I used to believe “as long as I’m alive, I’m fine”.
Now I’m sure about that anymore.
As of today, the chances of me finding a parter for life are … let’s say low. Just to be nice.
But it’s not just about that.
PFS turned me into a pain in the ass. I’m painfull to be around.
I used to be so funny people would invite me out for dinner and just wanted me to talk and make them laugh. I used to write jokes for comedians. I’ve been heavily depressed for the past 7-8 years. Despite this, people wanted to be around me. I was funny, I was brilliant, I was optimistic.
Sadly as it may sound, you have to give people a reason to be around you.
I can’t produce humorism anymore. I’m the dumbest idiot you’ll come across. I used to have a gifted IQ. Now, I struggle following conversation. Creating concept in my mind. Forming ideas. I was so creative it was outerwordly. I was emotional, I could connect with people in no time. Friends would reach out to me and ask what I though about current affairs and stuff.
I have nothing to give to people nowadays.
I’m in the process of losing my friends. The best friends in the world. They did everything for me. Everything. They stayed with me when nobody else would.
Future for me is a weird concept. If the quality of my life doesn’t get better, I’m done in 1 year, 2 years max. At this point in time, I have some cards to play, which give me … hope? I guess so.
Deep inside me I hope one day I’ll turn my situation around. But hope isn’t enough anymore.
The only things that motivates me, is the possibility of finding my real self again.
My dearest friends recently told me “we don’t even know you are anymore, but you’re not [my name]. You are a totally different person”.
And I am.
I’m trying to toughen up.
In the next months, I’ll try to work more, move out, and I’ll “play my cards”. If I can get my life to a point where is worth living I’ll stick around. But I won’t live alone. I wasn’t born to be alone. So in my case, it’s either people around or … else.
Sorry for the confused message. I’m fucking suffering here and my mind is so foggy I can’t even process my thoughts.
I guess the right answer is: find a purpose for life, something to serve, something greater than yourself. But at the end of the day I still have to come back home. And I don’t that home to be empty.
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Have you tried bupropion?
Before this PFS ordeal, I tried a variety of drugs including Xanax, Zoloft, and other 3-4 compounds. None of them helped.
At this point in time I’m just scared of everything. Even of freaking Vitamin C.
But I’m approaching the moment where I have to experiment with something.
Thank you for your suggestion, bupropion is on my list of things to try, even though it seems to be involved in @Tzinkman recent situation.
Have you tried again with probiotics? Your report used to give me a lot of hope.
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I exaggerate not when I say all symptoms disappeared when I used the probiotics - it’s definitely grounds for hope. It makes me accept that people do improve with PFS by taking substances, much to the chagrin of a particular subset of members. I’ve used it since but with less benefits. And I find if I take it for too long it affects my digestion by giving me loose stools.
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Thank you.
Let’s hope.
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