Hello all, i have some hard time coping these days, especially if i masturbate to see how things going on down there, which i do rarely now. The result is just getting worse each week, month and year. I was talking and thinking about how much we have adapted into this situation and forgot how we were before PFS- PAS.
I purposely will go full graphic and detail now, this is important. May sound weird, but yesterday i tried to focus very hard to some porn videos, to see if i can catch a glimpse of normality of my old erections, excitement and sensations (which mainly comes from PC muscles under your testicles) It was almost like an experiment, and for a few seconds of intense focus, my testicles start to getting harder, the blood pumped more into my penis and it became bigger, i experienced a good tingly sensation and warmth feeling! For a few seconds! I literally felt the blood is pumping more into my penis and i felt normal. And then, it went away again. So, it clicked in my mind! Oh my god i said, this is HOW I SHOULD FEEL ALL THE TIME WHEN I GET STIMULATED. A healthy persons testicles start to become harder when he masturbates, but mine wasn’t for 5 years now! And all other things started to make sense.
Sadly, this made me realize how much i actually lost without even NOTICE! I know many of people here crashed so hard and it was a one night change for many, but for others, like me, the process is very slow and i getting worse each day. I realized, that FEW SECONDS of intense feeling, is how we SHOULD feel ALL THE TIME. I realized how good an orgasm was before PFS! I was thinking this for a long time. This is so hard to swallow guys, i can’t believe im facing the reality right now. Now im going to give you guys some small things in our lives that maybe even you are not aware of you lost it. Maybe here, we can share the things we lost or didn’t realize until some time. Let’s remember!
- I realized my urinations are not strong anymore and there is no good feeling when urinating, sometimes i can’t even say am i urinating or not. How a person can compromise this and didn’t notice for years? Do you guys realize how slow and weak your urinations are in compare to before PFS? I start to remember many things.
- Orgasms, i masturbated and my orgasm was almost painful. I felt blocked\jammed. My muscles were trying to contract each other and push the semen out but there is so little semen inside that it actually hurt. It feels like dried out garden, a desert. Anyone feels like this? There is no pleasurable orgasms for me, no build up, no climax feeling. And my penis feels very tight and thin as all other muscles down there. Did you people have any similar experiences of late realizations like this? I think i go very slowly bad and i also realized i lost my penis size and testicle size a little… jesus. Anyone ever notice these things late after the crash? Or are sexual, physical changes happened very quick and noticebaly abrupt for you?
So, how we will ever be sure what pre-pfs and pas like if we even very bad about realizing the main differences in our bodies? I don’t know what to do anymore, ı have been living a life in a PAUSE button ever since. Stuck.