I came here maybe a year and a half ago under the name “thiscantbegood” or something like it but forgot my password and cant login again, so I created this new ID.
First of all before reading further I want to make it clear that I don’t have the “answer”. I don’t want to give false hope of a magic bullet, as I would always visit from time to time and read threads hoping for some miracle. All I can give is a little hope and maybe some insight into what I theorize helped. This thread is as much for me as it is for anyone here, as I think it will provide a therapeutic release for all that I bottled up the past year and a half. I was too ashamed to tell anyone. Which is an interesting thing…why should I feel shame when I did nothing wrong?
Here is my story.
When I was 21 I was looking through pictures with my then girlfriend. I noticed something was strange about my forehead in the pics, but couldn’t place it. It just looked off. Over the next few days it bothered me that I couldn’t place what looked so strange. Finally I placed it, and realized my forehead looked bigger because my hairline had receded ever so slightly. Researching a little further, I came to the conclusion (reluctantly) that I was in the initial stages of male pattern baldness. I was horrified. I became very depressed, even suicidal. Funny, looking back…two years later…sure I’d prefer not to go bald, but that I even considered suicide over superficial hairloss makes me ashamed.
I put off doing anything for a year, but as my hairline got worse(it wasn’t bad at all, and still isn’t that bad) I decided to take action. After a month of trying to a find a “cure”, it seemed that Propecia was the only thing that worked, along with to a lesser degree rogaine. So I, being broke got a Proscar prescription from my doctor and started up.
When I began dosing I didn’t have a girlfriend, and didn’t notice my sex drive taking a dip, though in hindsight I was masturbating hardly at all without even realizing it. I developed minor gynecomastia. I never completely lost my sex drive but at the low point in the beginning I’d say it diminshed by 75-90%. About 4 months in I met a girl. 4 1/2 or 5 months in I began to (attempt) to have sex with this girl. I could get it up but had no desire and quickly lost it. It was terrible. She wasn’t a knockout or anything, but this is coming from a guy who was probably in the top 5% of high male sex drives. Before propecia I would get an erection from the slightest touch or hint of something sexual. She was understanding, and we tried and tried but it always ended in disaster. I broke up with her and realized something was seriously wrong. I came here around that time looking for answers, and as I said found none as there are none.
Like I said I decided to wait it out. I avoid women for a few months, and go from 2+ times a day masturbating to going two weeks without realizing until after. I decide this is silly, and go to a bar intending to get laid. I meet a very attractive girl, an 8 face with a 9 body. I decided it wasn’t propecia, it was because I wasn’t very attracted to the previous girl. I spit my best game and am back at her place that night (yeah she was a slut haha). We fool around, and I realize nothing is happening down there. I’d like to make a very important point, that some here might disagree with. Persistent finisteride sides are VERY real, I cannot IMAGINE gynecomastia. BUT, performance anxiety is also very real. When propecia makes you lose your hard-on midway through, the next time you have sex in the back of your mind you are of course going to worry about that. Sexual anxiety can definitely compound the problem.
She continues touching me, and I her. I start to panic, sweat etc for the impending embarrassment. She realizes, its terrible, I leave. I manage to get back to her place a few more times intent on righting wrongs, but the results are the same. Eventually she doesn’t answer my calls. She wanted sex, and I couldn’t give it to her so I can’t blame her.
I meet another girl right after this by accident without looking. I think she just wants to hook up. I realize I can’t, but come over anyways. She is by most standards maybe an 8 face, 8 body but to me is a 9.5/9.5 as she is exactly my type. We lie in bed and I try to connect with her emotionally/verbally. We do and its nice, but she keeps getting on top of me and trying to fool around. I playfully push her away and try to keep the conversations going but at one point she manages to get her hands down my pants and she must have realized I wasn’t even semi-hard. We have great conversations all night, and show each other our favorite songs on her laptop. Its really wonderful, and I think I might have met someone special. She drives me home the next morning (I was out of my hometown and didn’t have my car). I call her the next day and she doesn’t pick up. Everyone gets blown off now and then, but I get the distinct feeling its because I didn’t fuck her.
Then I meet my last girlfriend, who is INCREDIBLY sexy. 7.5 face 9.5 body. Its a real relationship. We kind of fool around a few times, and I’m able to get it up but not cum. I make excuses about being drunk/tired the first few times for reasons I didn’t cum. We have sex and I even cum in her several times, with difficulty. Its nowhere near as good as sex with an ugly girl before propecia was, but because shes so hot I’m able to kind of preform even post-fin. Its not great though. I explain why its like that. Shes very understanding and loving, and tells me its okay etc etc.
For some reason my sex drive post-fin fluctuated between 60% of what it used to be(rare) and flatline no desire at all. One day I’m having a flatline couldn’t care less about sex day. She is unfortunately very horny that day. I try to keep her away but she insists and I give in. I am able to get it up, but am completely disinterested and lose it midway. We get in a fight, over what I can’t recall… probably because my ego was hurt. After that she becomes distant the next few weeks. She says weird things like she still loves me but feels like her emotions are blocked. I know I’m losing her, but am so frustrated by the lack of sex drive I don’t really care. She eventually cheats on me and the last bit of my male pride is destroyed. We of course break up. Too bad, I really liked her.
I begin to resent sex, and see it as something foreign and disgusting that makes people do evil things to people they care about because its such a powerful desire.
Still, even with this resentment I still want to fix my problem. I stop smoking, I drink less, I eat more(I’m an undereater), I sleep more, and try to be positive in the hopes being healthy will “jump-start” my system. A few weeks later I have a 3 day period where I’m as horny as I’ve ever been post-fin. I’ve had these bursts before, but they were weaker. But it subsides and I’m back to normal. Although I think from the day I quit fin to that day there has been gradual slow improvement. I continue my healthy lifestyle, fastforward 3 months I think there was gradual improvement. And then all of a sudden another surge of sexual energy. The past few days I’ve felt incredibly turned on for no reason at all. Before I had to have physical touch to achieve an erection, not now. I would wake up semi-hard and sometimes completely flaccid…now I’m waking up rock hard. The last 24 hours have been the worst (best?) since fin. I’d say I feel 90% of what I used to, maybe even close to 100%. I masturbated several times…sorry too much info I know, but its important to note as I was on my best days since fin 1 orgasm and done.
I don’t know if it will last, like I said I’ve had these “boosts” before, and they disappear…but each time they seem stronger, and this is by far the strongest (temporary?) recovery yet. I’m hopeful, and I hope this gives some home to someone else.
I can only theorize why its happening. Frankly, I was extremely unhealthy. I don’t look it, but I am. I didn’t exercise, eat enough, my sleep schedule is perpetually shifting (I’m told this is very bad for the human body), I smoke and drank etc etc. Like I said I’ve tried to fix all these things…some better than others.
I’ve been eating basic foods. Lots of meat(red and chicken), veggies, soup, cereal etc etc. Oh and lots of pasta…maybe that had something to do with it lol. And I have only been drinking water. That just HAS to be good for you, it must clear out the system. I lied about smoking, I still have a cig from time to time, but I’m not chain smoking like before. Being in my early 20s I like to party and drink, but my dick is more important to me so I cut back. My sleep is still a mess, but I’m getting more than I was. I’ve been more active, always moving lately getting outside and doing things. Being happy! I’ve just been positive, I’ve tried to simply be happy and not stress…I think that helped a lot. Other than that I didn’t really do anything special or take any drugs.
I realize some people have gone the health nut route and have had no success, but for me…and probably others if you put in the effort it along with time can help the gradual healing process I believe.