I’ve had PSSD for over 5 years. The first year was very severe, with insomnia, genital shrinkage, total anhedonia, loss of hunger, and physical changes involving my body hair and skin.
After about a year, I regained a lot of my emotions and cognition, and by around 1.5 years I had recovered a decent amount of sexual function as well. For the past 4 years I had been relatively stable.
However, over the past couple months I have experienced a gradual worsening that seems to have turned into a full crash. Many of my original symptoms have returned, including severe anhedonia and insomnia, along with increased nose/skin dryness and some physical symptoms that are even worse than before (for example, further changes in body hair and body numbness).
I believe my crash was to cumulative exposure after kissing my partner after she applied a lip mask with fragrance, BHT, and pomegranate. I recall tasting the product multiple nights after she would use it and we would kiss but just never put two and two together because I was an idiot. I just feel so dumb for not preventing this. I literally lived by such a strict rulebook to prevent another crash and still got screwed. This was my playbook:
- No environments with THC smoke
- No scented cleaning products
- No supplements, drugs, meds, alcohol
- Minimal cosmetics (just soap and toothpaste)
- No dating someone on antidepressants/fin/accutane
- 95% home-cooked food
- No gas stoves in the house we are living in
- No air fresheners
I cannot believe I let this happen to myself and did not prevent it. I am in such disbelief I could crash again so severely.