One 1mg pill, August 13 2020 - crashed again...?

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#55

You’re not weak. Anxiety and depression is a perfectly normal reaction to this circumstance.

You are an individual exposed to a vile situation completely unjustifiably all because big pharma would prefer to make some profit than take a medicine off the market that ruins lives.

Personally I wouldn’t bank on a recovery at this point unfortunately, I did a similar thing when I first got PFS and eventually I had to just accept it wasn’t going to happen.

Stay healthy, look after your mental health and try to accept this new state as normal would be my best advice. Its not the end of the world and there are still plenty of things to enjoy in life presuming your emotional blunting isn’t that bad.

Good luck mate, my heart aches for people who have to go through this.

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#56

I have to believe there is a chance. Before my first recovery, I was certain my life was over and the sense of doom nearly brought me to the end. Then after nearly a month, my libido shot up which lasted over 3 weeks until yesterday basically.
Upon this crash my depression and anxiety set back in. Its all dependant on my sexual function basically. I don’t have emotion anhedonia again (at least yet, I don’t think) and today while with my gf kissing her I felt a sense of libido and tingling, just now there was no more reaction downstairs. This is something I felt sometimes prior to my first improvements. I know I have to set my expectations. But I’m hoping a partial (but still significant) recovery after 3 and a half weeks for 3 and a half weeks must mean I’m not broken beyond repair.
How are you doing sexually and mentally now? I read your posts back in my first weeks. Really heartbreaking.

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#57

I’d remain optimistic if you’re having brief recoveries since getting PFS I maybe recovered twice. First time it was a few weeks after seizing Finasteride use, my libido exploded, I presume this was the phase of PFS where you experience a hightened androgen system it felt very similar to being on high doses of testosterone.

My second recovery was after doing Masteron and Proviron but it literally only lasted 2 days and then I went back to my PFS state.

Unfortunately I’ll never be the same libido wise and mentally. Its taken me a long time to come to terms with it, even now I still struggle and it’ll hit me I have PFS and I’ll struggle to find the will to live. It definitely fucked up my mental health and put me on a bad road causing me to drop out of university and sexually I just never recovered bar those two times I mentioned earlier.

I hope you have better luck than me pal, I’ll be praying for your recovery, and if you ever want to shoot me a DM just to talk or vent about PFS or literally anything you’re free to do so.

Best wishes

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#58

Don’t give up mate. It’s been less than a year for you. You’ll be in my prayers.

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#59

Interestingly when this first happened after my first pill, hair loss stopped almost immediately. Almost no hairs in the shower or on my pillow. As the days / weeks went by I noticed it picked up again which was linked with gradual erection quality increase then eventual libido increase. During my 3 1/2 week recovery I had quite a lot of hairs on my pillow each morning, but yesterday morning (crash) and this morning, barely a hair on my pillow. So this drug is playing with my ar receptors, right?

#60

I’m breaking down again. A partial yet significant recovery after less than a month for a fairly decent amount of time of 3 and a half weeks. I felt this was an upward trend stupidly. I felt invincible and positive about things.
Having the hope given to me and ripped away has made me even more hopeless than when I first woke up impotent after 1 pill I think. My life was getting back on track for those 3 and a half weeks of big improvements. Took on extra work, planned to get a car, talked more seriously about marriage with my gf. Never needed ciallis either.
Now it all seems like its been ripped away once again. Having my ability to get hard and zest for life return and then ripped away again. I have a date with my gf soon and I don’t know how I will act normal.
I don’t think I can handle it. I’ve prayed and cried 3 times or so this morning (I couldn’t actually cry after I first took the pill nearly 2 months ago, so good I suppose? Less emotional anhedonia)
Please, if there is any hope of a second recovery or improvements after my first one, please let me know. Anyone who had a similar experience.
My case is unique i guess. Impotent after one pill, nothing for 3 weeks then sudden libido and erections with my gf. Then I guess I had my first ‘crash’ and now back to square one
I know I may be asking for false hope, because I could never get better again, but I’m back to depression and 24/7 panicking.
Please. Anyone.

#61

There is hope.

#62

My penis is now more shrunk and noodle-like (in terms of feeling like play-do). After the first pill in August, my penis would maintain a larger than usual size when limp. I took a little solace in that, but now since my crash a couple of days ago after partial recovery, it’s gotten smaller when flaccid it seems. Feels more dead than when I first woke up impotent after that one pill. Accompanied by the unchanging overly sagging testicles of course. Jeez…

Date with gf today, absolutely zero reaction to anything down there. It’s horrible, because I just remember 2 days ago the great feeling of having a brain-penis connection.

On another note, when masturbating at home after there seemed to be pressure, as it didn’t just trickle out but partially spurted out and felt fairly decent. One silver lining in this hell I’ve been dragged back into.

I apologize for my constant posting of my situation. I guess it’s my way of coping for now

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#63

Suicidal thoughts are back… I just want to disappear from this earth again. I’m so tired. Up until my partial recovery I was exhausted, trying to put myself in sexual situations to stimulate myself, which I guess had some effect as I exploded with libido at that point. But now after this crash 3 days ago, I’m just so tired and feel it’s pointless. I’m sick of trying to stimulate an erection every morning and night to increase bloodflow… I just can’t go on like this. Can anyone give me some advice on how to cope. I need hope more than anything. I just don’t… know how long I can take this. Even just a conversation with anyone would be nice.

Sorry guys

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#64

I’m at the end of my rope… This crash is worse than my first after the first pill. Penis has shrunk a lot and could not get it up even with stim the past few hours. I masturbated limp and it only got hard for a few seconds while ejaculating. This is a new low point.
I think this is the end of the road for me. I can’t handle it anymore. Not many seem active on here and I feel completely alone and isolated in this hell. Thank you those who have tried to calm me down. Sorry for bringing all of you down these past couple of months.

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#65

As hard as it is at the moment for you, given how recently you stopped finasteride, there is hope for you that things can improve. I would advise you to stop trying to test your sexual response and cease masturbating for a while. I imagine that’s adding more anxiety to the mix. How are your neurological/mental symptoms at the moment? Are your remaining problems exclusively sexual?

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#66

Thank you for your response. Yeah, sexual, but that brings with it the severe depression and constant panic attacks with bluntness from the libido loss again. I just recovered partially (but significantly) from impotence for 3 and a half weeks so I thought I’d only get better. Well, I crashed to worse than my previous state, not that I ever thought it was possible (smaller flaccid penis this time). Not sure of the outlook from crashes like that.
I don’t even know if my first ‘crash’ after taking one pill was a technical crash. Just woke up with dead penis. Then the mental sides followed

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#67

At such an early stage, all I can say is to just hold on tight. I know from personal experience how difficult that can be. Things can improve in the first 6 - 12 months, even if it feels like they can’t.

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#68

Im relatively new in this whole mess too. I cant speak from much experience with this syndrome but I think the most important thing to do at the moment is to accept your current condition, even if it feels unbearable. I know, it takes so much away from your life but you are still alive and we only got one life to live. Stay strong and focus on what you still have and the drug has not taken away from you! And keep some hope even if it is against all odds, we never know what will follow. Be patient and kind to yourself. Good luck

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#69

I second Davids advice even though it can be a seemingly impossible task to make terms with this I’d do everything you can to be appreciative for the things you can have rather than the things PFS will take away from you.

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#70

@Tzinkman @David @Junkieasteride
Yeah, it’s just this seems like no life worth living. Social situations are back to be scary and impossible for me. GF is back to being concerned. I think having a gf can make this a lot harder. Because I WANT to be sexual around her. It’s how I’ve always been. And suddenly without this libido and sexual competence, it makes me more anxious and desperate, reminding me how broken I am. Dang…

On another note, I popped a cialis last night and can stimulate a full erection (albeit numb and totally mechanical)

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#71

@Tricky, be glad you are alive. There is hope for the future. And you can also do good. Do you have arms and legs? If so, great. Pick yourself up and do something useful to help people out and make the world a better place instead of just complaining. I get this is hard for you, as it is for everybody. Don’t waste your life and your potential - you are more fortunate than you realise as you are not a cripple.

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#72

I’m sorry. It’s just incredibly hard to think anything but thoughts of doom and depression. Especially after my improvements. My whole body just feels numb (from depression and anxiety). I wish I was as mentally strong as you and many of the other brave souls on here. I just have nobody else to cry or complain to except this forum. Apologies.

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#73

Keep yourself busy with something useful work, exercise, study to the point that you dont have any energy or time left to waste with thinking how things were, or what might have been or other forms of self pity and depression.
This is the only way that works for me to cope with the situation.

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#75

Just an update.

Today with the gf I managed to get semi hard just thinking erotic thoughts with her. First time since crash I had brain-connection restored even slightly and a psychogenic erection. Gives me a little hope at least.

No idea what’s going on. Only different thing I took some sulforaphane tablets a few days back and did a week cycle of tribulus. Today also took 20g of creatine to see if raising dht would do anything. All hormones except progesterone and dhea came back normal (prog 3x higher than max range)

Been eating like crap. Lots of Nutella and sweet things. Suddenly got some acne on my face which has never happened before either.

Also I rarely have the urge to pee in the morning. I used to burst for it every morning now I can hold it no problem. Prostate exam showed it was larger than it should be for my age, but all fine.

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