One 1mg pill, August 13 2020 - crashed again...?

Member Stories
#63

Suicidal thoughts are back… I just want to disappear from this earth again. I’m so tired. Up until my partial recovery I was exhausted, trying to put myself in sexual situations to stimulate myself, which I guess had some effect as I exploded with libido at that point. But now after this crash 3 days ago, I’m just so tired and feel it’s pointless. I’m sick of trying to stimulate an erection every morning and night to increase bloodflow… I just can’t go on like this. Can anyone give me some advice on how to cope. I need hope more than anything. I just don’t… know how long I can take this. Even just a conversation with anyone would be nice.

Sorry guys

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#64

I’m at the end of my rope… This crash is worse than my first after the first pill. Penis has shrunk a lot and could not get it up even with stim the past few hours. I masturbated limp and it only got hard for a few seconds while ejaculating. This is a new low point.
I think this is the end of the road for me. I can’t handle it anymore. Not many seem active on here and I feel completely alone and isolated in this hell. Thank you those who have tried to calm me down. Sorry for bringing all of you down these past couple of months.

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#65

As hard as it is at the moment for you, given how recently you stopped finasteride, there is hope for you that things can improve. I would advise you to stop trying to test your sexual response and cease masturbating for a while. I imagine that’s adding more anxiety to the mix. How are your neurological/mental symptoms at the moment? Are your remaining problems exclusively sexual?

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#66

Thank you for your response. Yeah, sexual, but that brings with it the severe depression and constant panic attacks with bluntness from the libido loss again. I just recovered partially (but significantly) from impotence for 3 and a half weeks so I thought I’d only get better. Well, I crashed to worse than my previous state, not that I ever thought it was possible (smaller flaccid penis this time). Not sure of the outlook from crashes like that.
I don’t even know if my first ‘crash’ after taking one pill was a technical crash. Just woke up with dead penis. Then the mental sides followed

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#67

At such an early stage, all I can say is to just hold on tight. I know from personal experience how difficult that can be. Things can improve in the first 6 - 12 months, even if it feels like they can’t.

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#68

Im relatively new in this whole mess too. I cant speak from much experience with this syndrome but I think the most important thing to do at the moment is to accept your current condition, even if it feels unbearable. I know, it takes so much away from your life but you are still alive and we only got one life to live. Stay strong and focus on what you still have and the drug has not taken away from you! And keep some hope even if it is against all odds, we never know what will follow. Be patient and kind to yourself. Good luck

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#69

I second Davids advice even though it can be a seemingly impossible task to make terms with this I’d do everything you can to be appreciative for the things you can have rather than the things PFS will take away from you.

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#70

@Tzinkman @David @Junkieasteride
Yeah, it’s just this seems like no life worth living. Social situations are back to be scary and impossible for me. GF is back to being concerned. I think having a gf can make this a lot harder. Because I WANT to be sexual around her. It’s how I’ve always been. And suddenly without this libido and sexual competence, it makes me more anxious and desperate, reminding me how broken I am. Dang…

On another note, I popped a cialis last night and can stimulate a full erection (albeit numb and totally mechanical)

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#71

@Tricky, be glad you are alive. There is hope for the future. And you can also do good. Do you have arms and legs? If so, great. Pick yourself up and do something useful to help people out and make the world a better place instead of just complaining. I get this is hard for you, as it is for everybody. Don’t waste your life and your potential - you are more fortunate than you realise as you are not a cripple.

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#72

I’m sorry. It’s just incredibly hard to think anything but thoughts of doom and depression. Especially after my improvements. My whole body just feels numb (from depression and anxiety). I wish I was as mentally strong as you and many of the other brave souls on here. I just have nobody else to cry or complain to except this forum. Apologies.

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#73

Keep yourself busy with something useful work, exercise, study to the point that you dont have any energy or time left to waste with thinking how things were, or what might have been or other forms of self pity and depression.
This is the only way that works for me to cope with the situation.

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#75

Just an update.

Today with the gf I managed to get semi hard just thinking erotic thoughts with her. First time since crash I had brain-connection restored even slightly and a psychogenic erection. Gives me a little hope at least.

No idea what’s going on. Only different thing I took some sulforaphane tablets a few days back and did a week cycle of tribulus. Today also took 20g of creatine to see if raising dht would do anything. All hormones except progesterone and dhea came back normal (prog 3x higher than max range)

Been eating like crap. Lots of Nutella and sweet things. Suddenly got some acne on my face which has never happened before either.

Also I rarely have the urge to pee in the morning. I used to burst for it every morning now I can hold it no problem. Prostate exam showed it was larger than it should be for my age, but all fine.

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#76

Seem to be improving. Knock on wood. Lol. Libido is back when needed and was a horny with the gf last night. Took a ciallis to boost confidence and make sure things went well. And they did.

In these short two and a bit months I’ve had a rollercoaster. Straight impotence, then hypersexuality, back to complete impotence (with rubbery penis), now libido back and psychogenic erections (albeit have to concentrate when not with my gf). Morning wood has kind of come back too. I can lay on my front and actually feel something now.

I’m worried about, and expecting, another crash as it seems to be the pattern here…

I’ve taken a few supps. Ones I’m taking consistently now are ACAR, rhodolia and vitamin C. Along with buproprion each morning and sleeping pill at night (which seems to be losing effectiveness)

Any advice on how to not crash again? (If that’s even possible to avoid if the body wants to crash) I’m trying to refrain from ejaculation to once every 2 days maximum.

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#77

Sounds good man, I reckon you’ll be fine in a few months time.

#78

It’s now been the big 3 months since I took the pill.
I’ve been through 2 crashes and complete impotence twice.
I’m no longer completely impotent. I have a libido and can get psychogenic erections.
However, I am far from recovered. Penis is still slightly numb and feels rubbery when flaccid.
Ciallis is usually needed to give me confidence because, while I can get hard when in the mood, I now have performance anxiety (I believe) and go soft when getting into the action (past two times).
Suicidal thoughts have gone, and while not being impotent anymore makes me feel like the luckiest guy in the world, I can’t help but just feel down in general. I know how lucky I am for this to be my only mental problem now.
I hope in the next few months I feel some sort of improvement. It still feels like a dream, and it feels like my brain has somehow tried to block out the traumatic experience I’ve been through in the past 3 months.
I’ll keep here updated with any significant changes.
I guess it’s time to fill out that survey. Something I hoped I wouldn’t need to… but that’s life hey.
Stay strong out there everyone.

#79

It’s now been officially one year since I took my first and only pill of finasteride. I still remember the instant horror the next morning as if it were yesterday.

I started out impotent, anhedonic and with bad brain fog. I then recovered, and had another crash in the first few weeks, recovered again, then had a solid 8 or so months of good recovery.

This past July, I then unexpectedly crashed again back to impotence, recovered, crashed again, recovered again, about 3 or 4 times. Thankfully I didn’t suffer brain fog or mental side effects with these crashes. However, it was mental torture not knowing how I would turn out.

I’ve recovered once again and have stayed this way for the past week. As of right now, I’d say I’m 95% recovered.

More time will be needed tell if this recovery lasts, but I know my body has the ability to bounce back should it crash again.

The fact just one pill has put my body into this constant yoyo-ing state for this amount of time is unbelievable, but right now I’m remaining optimistic.

I hope this post can be of hope to some out there that even after a year, changes do happen and a recovery is always possible.

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#80

Dear @Tricky, are you finally recovered now? Or still going on with the yoyo effect?

#81

Hey mate. I’m VERY tentative to say, but I’d say I’m basically recovered right now (95%ish) since my last few crashes last summer, I’ve been fairly stable. Mental sides, libido, erections all pretty strong.

Only remaining side I would say is rubbery penis which seems adamant, and slight urine leakage after peeing for a little while. Annoying, but I can live like this.

I’m aware that I could relapse at anytime though. I still check here regularly. Hope you’re doing better mate

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#82

3-year check in here. I planned to make it on my anniversary (August 13th 2020) but I haven’t thought about PFS in such a while, it slipped my mind. Which is a good thing, I guess.

I would call myself pretty much recovered still (at least, as close to 100% as I assume I will ever be). The only things remaining are slight leakage after urination, and ejaculate force isn’t anywhere near as strong as it was pre PFS. But these havent impacted me much at all.

I haven’t crashed since mid 2021. And things have been pretty good mentally and sexually. In the beginning at my worst I was completely impotent, anhedonic and suicidal for several months (in a row, and on and off subsequently).

But I somehow got better, and if it stays this way, I can live a normal and happy life I feel.

It hurts to see so many people still suffering, but I hope this update can serve as some sort of beacon of hope. Please never give up.

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